Chapter 27
Themoonhunglowover Boar’s Hill, its bright light threatening to expose Alex on his midnight sojourn. Certain he’d be discovered, he dismounted long before reaching the main drive and walked his—well, Henry’s—horse along the servants’ path Fern had shown him previously. After tying the animal to a fence under the cover of a large birch, he took an exterior path, wild grass threatening to overtake the trodden path as his steps led him around the fragrant gardens until he reached a wide meadow. Glow worms glittered in the air and along the tall grass. It looked as though the world had turned upside down and the stars had descended from the heavens to illuminate his way.
In the distance, he could see the rotunda Fern had indicated in her note. Moonlight reflected off its marble dome like a beacon. A low light flickered inside the columns, welcoming and warm. When he reached the rotunda, Fern stood on the far side with her back to him.
“Fern,” he breathed, and when she turned his heart stopped. Her hair was loose, falling in waves around her face and down her shoulders. She wore a simple silk dressing gown, cinched neatly with a row of buttons at her narrow waist, draping over her hands and pooling around her feet. The fabric was such a dark green it appeared black in the shadows but shimmered like emeralds in the dancing flame from a single lantern. Her eyes shone, multifaceted orbs of sage and amber illuminating her delicate face.
“You’re here.” She stepped towards him then stopped, as though afraid to continue.
“Of course,” he replied, stepping into the rotunda. Blankets and a pillow lay behind her, and he looked at her quizzically. “Are you—why—”
“Please let me speak for a moment,” Fern interrupted. She swallowed hard, then met his gaze directly. “I don’t want to talk about what happened with Sylvester.”
“You know he will reschedule—”
She held up her hand to stop him. “It won’t matter, Alex, and we both know it. Oxford will not be the place for me. And I can accept it.” He watched her eyes glisten for a moment, and she paused and blinked before continuing.
“When I told you I felt nothing for you, and we should forget what happened between us, it wasn’t the truth. I have cared for you from the moment we met. Forgetting you—us—” She paused again, gathering her breath. “Forgetting you would be impossible.”
Fern stepped forward until she was close enough to touch him, but her slim arms hung by her side. Alex had never seen her so composed. Normally her hands were in constant motion, her eyes flitting about and her speech rapid. But now she appeared confident and poised. Attraction and pride and something much more primal swam in his chest until his heart threatened to burst.
“My father will return tomorrow, and you will offer for Rose’s hand.” Alex began to interrupt but again she silenced him with a raised palm. “It is the right choice, the best choice for all of us. You have earned your future, and I will not ask you to throw it away. If I were in your shoes, I would do the same thing.”
“There has to be another way, Fern—”
“There isn’t,” Fern interjected. “And please, let me finish.” Alex closed his mouth, even as a lump built in his throat.
“Tomorrow you will belong to Rose, and you will make her happy. She will make you happy.”
You would make me happier.He wanted to scream the thought as soon as he had it, but Fern wouldn’t allow it. She needed the space to speak her mind, and he respected her too much to interrupt again.
“And once you are engaged, I will expect you to uphold your vow to Rose, cherish her and protect her for your entire life.” She looked at her feet, and her hands lifted to the buttons holding her robe in place at her waist, her voice shaking. “But I love you, Alex. I need you to know I will love you for the rest of my life, but I will let you go if it means seeing my sister happy and you fulfilled.”
She looked wise beyond her years, as though she had tossed away the last vestiges of girlhood, leaving her in her truest state, a woman of wisdom and power, self-possessed and beautiful.
“I won’t stay in England after you marry Rose,” she said, her voice clear. “And I won’t marry either. There could never be someone else for me, and I’m content knowing that.”
Alex watched, his breath catching, as her fingers nimbly released the row of silk-covered buttons. “Everything I have wanted has been denied me, and I ask you not to deny me this.” She released her hands from the robe and pushed the billowing fabric off her shoulders until it fell into a sea of green silk on the marble around her feet. He gasped as he took in the sight of bare skin, luminous in the lantern light, like the marble surrounding them. “I do not regret meeting you, or falling in love with you, and I never will, even though you can never be mine. And I will not regret what happens tonight if you will have me.”
With those words, and the risk implied, insecurity flickered in her eyes, the first he had seen from her all night.
“I could never deny you anything, Fern,” he said, closing the distance between them and taking her hands in his. “But what aboutyourfuture, your life after tonight? We can’t go back—”
“I am absolutely certain,” she said, squeezing his hands and bringing them to her waist. “This will be the one thing in my life I cherish for the remainder of my days. Please, Alex.”
Alex drew her in, surrounding her with his arms and feeling the heat from her body permeate through his clothing, into his bones. There wasn’t even a choice for him to make, no debate to be had. He could never love another like he loved Fern, not Rose, not anyone. She may not be ready to hear it, but after tonight nothing would change his mind. “I can never forget you, Fern.”
Fern stood on her toes and kissed him, her lips brushing over his lightly, then deeper. “Then we will have a night to remember.”
Chapter 28
Despitethecrispairsurrounding them, Fern’s naked skin seemed to ignite under Alex’s touch. The chill barely reached her. In fact, she worried she might burst into flames if she had been required to stay under her robe for a moment longer.
“Are you certain?” Alex repeated, his lips brushing against her earlobe and tracing around the curve of her ear.
“I am, Alex.” She pulled back to look at him straight on. “I thought you knew better than to doubt me by now.”
With a laugh, he captured her face in his hands and pulled her in close. Fern had scant experience with kissing, but this,thiswas unlike anything she read in novels or poetry. These were kisses that set her soul ablaze, stopping time and making the rest of the world fade into oblivion. Nothing in the world existed beyond his lips.
