“You could have told me,” Rose spat out. “There were many times when you could have told me you were having a liaison with the man I hoped to marrybeforeI set my heart on it.”
“You’re right.” Fern stood straighter, dropping her hands to her side. “I could have, but I was frightened. I should say I was trying to protect your feelings, and that was part of it, but not the entirety. I wanted to keep Alex close so he could help me get into Oxford.”
Rose’s jaw tightened. “This was about Oxford? For God’s sake, you caused all of this so you could study maths?”
“Yes.” Fern swallowed around the knot in her throat. “I did. It’s my dream, and I know it is irrational and impossible, but it’s what I wanted, and I thought pushing you and Alex together would help me reach it. It was foolish, and all for nothing.”
Rose’s head dipped for a moment before she pressed her lips into a firm line. “It’s for the best. It would have been an embarrassment for the family if you had attempted such a ridiculous thing.”
“And that’s why I’m here. I’ve been a burden to this family for too long, and I wanted to tell you in person. I will continue to be Aunt Margaret’s companion. She wants to spend the next several years traveling the continent, and I will accompany her. By the time I return, you will certainly be married and settled into your new life. You will have no reason to see me anymore.”
“For God’s sake, Fern.” Rose got to her feet, her book clenched in her hand at her side. “We’re not children anymore.” She huffed as her temper flared, her perfect features twisted in a grimace. “If you want to go hide with Aunt Margaret, fine, do so, but you won’t be happy and you know it.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy after what I did.”
“That’s just stupid,” Rose said, crossing the room until she was only a few steps from Fern. “Part of the blame for this lies with me, not all, but certainly a small part of it. I knew your plan was foolish, and you admitted how you felt about him.”
Fern opened her mouth to respond, but Rose was not finished. “We can’t go back to how things were when we were girls. We have our own lives, and we certainly won’t agree on the choices we make in them.”
“I know, but…” Fern closed her eyes as memories washed over her. All the years in which they were inseparable flashed before her, holding hands, sharing a bed, crying and laughing and living together. Like one soul, shared over two bodies. “But you’re my sister.”
Rose nodded and swallowed hard. When she spoke, her voice trembled. “You’ll always be my sister, but you will have to find someone else to be your other half.I need some time to be myself.”
Fern bit her lip as Rose settled back into the divan and opened her novel, noting her sister’s sniffle as she began scanning her eyes over the text. All the breath rushed from Fern’s body as she exited the dressing room and closed the door softly. Walking down the hall in a daze, she felt uprooted, the foundation providing stability in her life tornout and exposed. She could not repair what had been destroyed between them.For as long as Rose had been ignoring her, Fern was able to deny the reality. Her sister, her twin, would no longer be a meaningful part of her life.
Fern was wholly, utterly alone.
Her breath came in short gasps as she reached the bottom of the stairs and pushed through the front doors, down the stairs and onto the gravel driveway, her vision blurring as tears swamped her eyes. Sensations overwhelmed her. The stones pressed into her feet, her blood rushed in her ears as her body screamed at her to run, to freeze, to dosomething.
The sound of her pulse was so intense Fern barely registered the sounds of gravel skittering under pounding hoofbeats, or the shrill cry of a coach driver as she looked up to see a carriage barrelling straight towards her, showing no sign of stopping.
Chapter 35
Fernslappedherhandsto her ringing ears and dropped into a crouch, unable to convince her body to move out of the way.Hooves thundered by her sides as displaced pebbles pinged off her arms and legs. For a moment, she wondered if this would be her end, and how ironic a blastedhorsewould be what did her in. At least her fear of the beasts would be justified.
But the impact never came. Instead, she heard the whinny of horses and the slam of a coach door, then strong hands closed over her upper arms, pulling her away from the giant animals on either side of her. She clutched one arm around her knees while she swung the other frantically towards the hands holding her in place.
“I’m here, Fern, you’re safe.”
Now Fern was certain she was dead, or at least unconscious and dreaming. There was no other explanation for seeing Alex in front of her. “Are you hurt?”
She shook her head, trying to clearthe fog. Her body shook with tremors, her teeth chattering as he guided her to her feet. “No,” she croaked. “I’m—I’m not, I’m fine.”
Alex held one of her arms while digging in his pocket to extract coins for the coach driver, who was sending a string of expletives in Fern’s direction. “Blimey, wild girl comes running into the drive, how was I supposed to—”
“Stop.” Alex’s commanding voice startled both listeners. Fern watched as the man sat up straight on the bench as Alex pressed the coins into his hand. “Never speak to her or any lady like that again.”
The man glared at Fern and whipped his horses into motion once more, sending more gravel sailing across the drive. Alex turned back to face Fern as her breathing slowed. As though finally recognizing their contact, he dropped her arm and stepped back. Tension hung thick between them while Fern’s stomach turned somersaults, her mind finally calming enough to recognize his presence for what it was.He’s here. Her heart thudded erratically.Even if he’s here to scold me, to scream and dismiss me, at least he’s here.
Alex stepped forward and then froze, his hands clenched at his sides. A muscle in his jaw twitched as he glanced toward the facade of Boar’s Hill. “Is there somewhere we can speak, privately?”
Wordlessly Fern led him around the side of the house, down a path winding past carefully pruned hedges and fountains, through a wrought-iron fence, and beyond aging stone walls. She did not stop until she entered a sunken garden, the ground soft with moss, ivy crawling up the weeping willows hanging overhead and sheltering them from the sun. The short walk gave her time to think, to restore her senses before she turned to face him.
“Why were you running?” Alex asked, his brow furrowed.
Fern gulped. “I—Rose hasn’t spoken to me in weeks. We’ve never gone so long without speaking. I finally got her to talk to me, but—” Her voice broke on the last word, the ache in her chest so intense she could hardly breathe. How could she possibly survive this?
“She will forgive you,” Alex said, his voice cautious. “It may take time, but she will.”
