I lose my balance and collapse to my knees, unable to hold back the sobs that wrack me.“It was an accident.”My voice cracks pitifully.“I’m sorry.I’m so sorry.”
But my mother shows no empathy—only hatred.“I wish you would just disappear and never come back.”
I raise my eyes to her and wipe my tear-stained face with the back of my hands.“How can you say that to your own daughter?”
“You are not my daughter anymore.You are dead to me.”
Nothing can hurt me more than her cruel words.We will never be close again; she will never forgive me or show me any love.
“Now ...”She steps back and gestures to the door for me to leave.“Get out of my house and never come back.”
With shaky legs, I push myself up from the ground.I sniffle and gather the last bit of strength within me.“Goodbye, Mother.”And then I run as fast as I can, down the stairs and out the door.I collide with Max’s solid chest as I rush off the porch.
“Are you okay, ma’am?”he asks, looking me over for injuries.
“Yes, let’s just get away from here.”I pull out of from his embrace and start speed-walking away.I continue to walk, leaving that house and all its painful memories behind me.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
Bayleigh
As I turnonto Main Street, I put on my big, dark sunglasses and straighten myself up as best as possible.Not that this day could get any worse.My phone rings, and I pick it up to see Kelly’s picture on the screen.I put it back in my bag.I don’t want to talk to anyone.My mother was right; I am a waste of a life.I spy a liquor store, and there is only a moment of doubt in my mind before I open the door and head inside.I keep my eyes low as I pay for the whiskey and head back outside.
Max stands in front of me, blocking my path.“That’s not a good idea.”
I look up at his intimidating face.“It’s got nothing to do with you.”I try to sidestep him, but he blocks me again.“Get the fuck out of my way!”
“You hired me to protect you,” he reminds me, “and right now, the only person you need protecting from is yourself.”
“In that case, you’re fired!Now get the fuck away from me!”From the corner of my eye, I see a couple look at us as they walk past.But nothing can stop me now.Who the hell cares about a career?I’m nothing.All I want is to numb this burning pain of unworthiness.I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.I want an end to all this pain.
I push into Max’s shoulder and he lets me pass, but follows closely behind.As I walk, I unscrew the lid and raise the bottle to my lips.
Fuck everything.I allow the strong amber liquid to fill my mouth, then I gulp it down.
I wait for that feeling of oblivion to take over, and when it doesn’t come, I take another gulp.And then another.
My steps become a bit wobbly, and my mind has a nice dull feel to it.I look at the bottle, which is much lighter now.
I spy a grassy park and head over to it, then collapse on a park bench.I close my eyes to stop the spinning of my vision.I can hear the birds singing and the noise of children laughing in the distance.I gulp down the rising bile bubbling in my stomach.I don’t want to think about all the terrible things I have down.All the people I have hurt.
Like Chase.He deserves so much more than me.I’m no good for anyone.I’m a disease.A terrible, terrible person.
Chase is so good.He’s smart and kind and beautiful.He should get married and have lots of babies.Pretty blond babies.
I lose track of time as I cover my face against the sun.
My eyes burn again, but I refuse to shed any more tears.I reach for my bottle next to me, but it’s gone.“Who took my…?”
I open my eyes and a dark shadow looms in front of me.
“Chase?”Am I imagining it’s him?Surely that’s all this is.Just my stupid imagination.
“Bay, what have you done?”It is his voice.I blink and squint until his face comes into view.
He sits on the bench next to me and puts his arm around me.He feels so good and smells delicious.
I snuggle in close.I feel so safe and secure in his embrace.“Can we just stay like this forever?”
