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“Yep, let me set up another tray and then I’ll go get my soup.”
After getting my tray set up and grabbing my bowl, I settled on the love seat across from Morgan. When I glanced up, she was staring at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I realized she was attempting to keep her tears at bay.
“Why are you doing this?”
I frowned. “Doing what?”
“Taking care of me? Eating soup with me in the middle of the night.”
“I already told you. I want to, Morgan.”
She couldn’t keep her chin from trembling, and it nearly broke me in two.
“Why?” she asked, my voice sounding so weak I hardly recognized it.
“Why?” I repeated.
“Yes, why are you doing this?”
I swallowed hard and sat back. My brown eyes locked with her blue. “Why is it so hard for you to believe I want to be here? To care for you?”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never . . .”
Her voice broke off, and she covered her mouth. Moving the tray out of the way, I sat next to her, pulling her into my arms. I hated seeing her upset.
“You never what?” I asked in a soft voice.
She nuzzled her face against my chest and attempted to settle herself.
“Mike and I dated when we were in high school. He was my first for everything. The first boy I kissed. First boyfriend. First man I had sex with. Everything with him seemed to be my first. When he left for the army, things seemed fine with us. When he would come home on leave, everything was good. Even being with him, nothing felt off.”
I tried not to let my jealousy show. It was stupid of me to be jealous of a man who was no longer here. Someone who was in Morgan’s life years ago. But I was, and that was something I couldn’t ignore. I had never been bothered hearing another woman talk about an ex. Not one. But with Morgan, just thinking about another man touching her made me want to kill someone.
“Then things weren’t okay. Every time he came back, he was different. He treated me fine, but not like he used to. His touch didn’t feel the same. His kisses felt empty. I kept telling myself it was me, I wasn’t doing enough to welcome him home. Or maybe I was just used to him being gone. That guilt tore me apart. So I tried harder. I gave more, but I still felt empty. God, that played havoc with my mind. Then, he wanted to do things differently in the bedroom. He wanted to tie me up once, and at first I thought it would be thrilling, but he seemed so far away. Like he was with me, but he wasn’t with me. I hated it and told him I never wanted to do it again.”
My eyes closed as I tried to push the sick feeling away. “Did he hurt you?”
Her fingers moved softly over my chest in a rhythmic motion. “No, never.”
After taking a deep breath, she slowly let it out. “I know he loved me, but looking back, I don’t think he was in love with me. Maybe I felt the same way. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. I hate myself for not seeing it then. I hate that he made me think less of myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for not giving him more. Maybe it was my fault.”
I pulled back and titled her chin up to make her look at me. “Your fault he took his own life?”
She nodded. “That, and . . . and . . .”
Damn it all to hell. I would never speak ill of the dead, but in this moment, I hated Mike for making this beautiful, strong woman doubt herself.
“And?” I softly asked.
“For cheating on me. He confessed in his suicide note he had been having an affair. I don’t know who with, and I wanted to believe it was a lie at first. That it was just a way for him to make me hate him for cheating rather than for taking his own life. But I knew he had secrets. Right before he was discharged, a mission went wrong, and one of his closest friends was killed along with a few other guys. It tore Mike apart. Lance Merchant was his name. He’d been married, but not for very long. Just two years, I think.”
I didn’t want her to feel my body stiffen as my mind went back to Wednesday night and Nash telling me about the woman Mike had cheated on Morgan with. The woman who had gotten pregnant and given birth to Mike’s child. Her name was Lynn Merchant.
Fucking hell. What did you do, Mike?
