We hold on to each other, but I feel my fears pulling me apart, pulling me away from Remington, and putting me in a place that is just out of his reach.
33
Remington
It’s been almost two months since the funeral. Almost two months since we stood in the cemetery and buried one of the best men I have ever known. My brother-in-law, a best friend, the man my sister was supposed to raise a daughter with. We are all worried about Sutton and the baby. She has been having extra doctor appointments, we take turns staying with her because she refuses to stay anywhere but her and Deck’s house, and we just pray that our showing up will be enough to keep her going. I feel so fucking helpless, and it’s killing me.
It’s also been almost two months since Lainey has changed. She is still my sweet, kind, beautiful woman. But the sunshine, spark, and sass that bubbled under the surface is gone. She is keeping me at an arm’s length at all times. I know that she thinks she’s doing a good job masking the fact that she is pushing me away, but she isn’t.
And I know why she is doing it.
She’s scared.
Terrified is probably more accurate.
I like to think that I am a pretty patient man, but mypatience is running out. I have sat by and waited for Lainey to share her feelings with me, to come and tell me about her fears. That hasn’t happened. After our trip to the cabin we shattered a wall that was so thick and impenetrable, one I never expected to breach. Our relationship shifted in a way that could not really be put into words. But the shocking death of Deck and everything that’s been going on since shifted our focus and has Lainey building a brand-new wall, one that I fully intend on blowing up today. I refuse to allow her to sit in pain and fear alone anymore.
Lainey is curled up in her favorite spot on the couch writing in her journal when I get home. Honestly, I am just happy she is here instead of her apartment. She tried to make excuses to start staying there more often, but I know she sleeps better when she is here. I used to get an enthusiastic greeting anytime I walked in the door—a huge smile, kissing, sometimes even tearing our clothes off. Now, she looks up and gives me a tired half-hearted smile and says, “Hi” softly. I remind myself of the end goal, trying not to let my frustration bubble up before I’ve even started a conversation I know she is not going to want to have with me.
“Hi, beautiful,” I respond with a real smile and forced enthusiasm. I stride over to where she is perched and pull out the flowers I had hidden behind my back. Her sad blue eyes widen in surprise when she sees them, a tiny glimmer flicking in their depths.
There she is.
“What are these for?” she questions.
“Do I ever need an excuse to bring you flowers, Lainey?” I remind her as she stares at them like they might bite her.
Jesus, this wall is thicker than I thought it was.
“They are unnecessary, Remington.” She tries to get up, but I don’t let her move away from me.
“Oh no, we are not going back to that bullshit again, baby.” She sucks in a breath and really looks at me for the first time.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
She is playing a dangerous game.
“I told you a long time ago that I was going to give you any and all flowers I could as often as possible. Unfortunately, I have been slacking on my deliveries, and I’m really sorry about that. Things the past couple of months have been hard on us. I wanted to get these, remind us what our priorities are.” I try to take her hand, but she pulls it back.
“Your only priority should be Sutton and the baby, Rem.” Her words are like hearing another person speak.
I suck in a sharp breath.
“Don’tfucking call me that,” I say, no longer able to tamp down my anger.
“What?”
“You. Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I punctuate every word, trying to get my point across.
“Everyone calls you that.” Lainey rolls her eyes.
Fucking finally, that sass.I want to kiss the shit out of her sexy, pouty mouth, but I hold off.
“Youneveronce have called me that, Lainey. Ever. It’s one of the things I love most. That youfull-fucking-name meall the time. Hell, I realized early on in our relationship that I have a kink for it.” Her shocked face is taking me in, pink cheeks heating, and a blue flame in her eyes dancing for the first time in weeks.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. For as long as I can remember, everyone shortened my name and called me Rem. Then you came along and used my full name—havealwaysused my full name, and you fucking know it, too. So don’t you dare sit there and call me ‘Rem’ acting like you are just anyone else.” My breathing is heavy with frustration and lust.
