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Ice began spreading through my veins, and I shivered. As a child, dinner ended at six forty-five each night. If I hadn’t been done eating, then I would go without. Mom had to have the kitchen completely cleaned by seven fifteen. Remembering my father’s inspections had me wanting to curl up into a ball like I used to as a kid at night.
What happened to my mom to make her act like this? Did my dad talk to her?
Adam’s voice broke through to me again. “Ainsley, what do you need?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finding the strength I had used to forge through all the years. The strength began chasing away the cold as I let it run through me.
I turned and looked at Adam as he watched me with his brown eyes, concern etching his face.
“I need to go talk to her. Will you stay out here for a minute? If you want to leave, I’ll understand.”
Adam put both of his hands on my face as he looked earnestly at me. “I’m in this for the long haul, Ainsley. I’m not leaving. Go talk to your mom. I’ll be here. Whatever you need, it’s yours.”
Leaning up on my toes, I gave him a quick peck on the lips. My heart was overflowing with how connected I felt to Adam in this moment. “Thank you.”
I pulled away and started walking toward the door. I entered the house, and Mozart was still playing. My feet felt like they were in quicksand. Part of me wanted to leave and pretend this wasn’t happening, but I had a chance to help my mom.
Mom was sitting at the table, eating her meal. Her head kept glancing at the clock hanging on the wall right in front of her. My eyes kept blinking as I tried to keep my world clear of this fuzzy falsity my mom had built.
I sat next to my mom. “What happened, Mom? Why are you acting as if Dad still lives here?”
Her eyes glanced toward the clock, and mine followed. It was six thirty-eight. Per my dad’s standards, we only had seven more minutes until dinner would be officially over.
My mom smiled sweetly at me as the same blue eyes I had stared at me. “Sweetie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hurry up and eat. Dinner is almost over. Are you nervous about your tests next week? I know that business law class has been giving you problems. Your dad will be able to help you with that when he gets home.”
A few tears slid down my face, thinking about how broken my mom seemed. “Mom, Dad left us. He’s not coming home. Why are you saying all these things?”
My mom’s face crinkled, and then it cleared as she patted my arm. “Ainsley, will you help clear the dishes tonight?”
“Mom, stop. Please stop. Dad’s gone. I know what he did to you, Mom. I know he used to beat you at night.”
My words seemed to bounce off my mom as if I hadn’t said anything, and she continued to eat.
“Mom, did you hear me? I know what happened to you. We are better off without dad being here. What happened? Why are you acting like this?”
I knew I was pounding my mom with questions that were causing her to flinch slightly. However, she recovered quickly, and the impenetrable mask was back in full force.
Finally, after finishing her bite of meatloaf, which had me practically gagging, she responded, “Ainsley, don’t say things like that. You don’t understand. He loves me. He doesn’t mean to do it. I think you need to leave before your father gets home.”
“Mom, he’s not going to hurt you anymore. He’s gone. Please snap out of it.” I was pleading with her to listen to reason, to come back to reality.
My mom’s face looked like my words were registering, but then she shook her head and spoke, “He loves me, Ainsley. He loves us. We need to listen to him better. He’s trying, but we don’t do as he asks. We can do better, Ainsley. You need to go home. I’ll take care of everything.”
“Mom—”
She looked at me sternly. “Ainsley, I love you, but it’s time to leave.”
I focused on being rational versus emotional.
This isn’t my mom. My mom would never ask me to leave. Never.
It was as if her poor mind had collapsed in on itself and altered everything that was real and true.
She needs help.
I needed to research what options she had.
I gave my mom a kiss on the forehead. “I’m sorry, Mom. Everything is okay. We’re going to leave, so you can get everything cleaned up unless you need some help.”
We both glanced at the clock. It was six forty-four.
“No, sweetie, I’ve got this. Go ahead and go. Tell Adam I said thank you for coming over. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I headed out to the backyard where Adam was on the phone. As soon as he saw me, he hung up and looked at me expectedly.
“How’s Christine?”
My body felt heavy, and my mind was tired with what it was trying to process. My emotions kept wanting to go back to the past while my brain was fighting to stay in the present.
Dad does not live here.
I looked back at the house as I saw my mom rushing through the kitchen. “Something snapped within her. I don’t know if it’s from seeing my dad at the party or if he’s contacted her, but she’s living in the past right now. I need to research what I can do and where I can get her help. Can you take me home?”
He grabbed my hand and started walking to the gate that led to the front yard. “Ainsley, we’ll get this figured out. Let’s go to my place first to make a plan.”
“Okay.”
I nodded my head as I pushed down the swelling tears. This was not the time to have a breakdown. I needed to be strong like I had all those years when I was living under the same roof as my father. Just because Adam was in my life didn’t mean that I could let the emotions spew from me like an erupting volcano. If I could find someone or someplace to help my mom, maybe we could finally be free of the prison we had both self-sentenced ourselves to since before my dad left.
I prayed I had the strength to help my mom.
We pulled into the garage of my house. What a fucking disaster tonight had been over at Christine’s house. I looked over, and Ainsley was deep in thought.
My girl is strong.
I couldn’t imagine what I would have done if I had been forced back into my worst nightmare. Her mom had completely lost touch with reality, and I wondered if part of it was because of me.
Brandt and I had fired Gerald’s law firm today, and it hadn’t gone over well. Gerald had been present, and he had slightly lost his temper until he’d regained his composure. I could see him as an angry man.
I balled my left fist as I put the car into park, imagining him tormenting Ainsley and Christine.
Bastard.
Ainsley turned toward me with her hand on the car handle. “Hey, I’m going to look at some centers and call them to see what we can do to help my mom. I need to see what my options are. Earlier you said you weren’t leaving, and I’m not doubting you, but if you want me to go home to do all this, I can.”
The stoic, analytical, and straightforward Ainsley who kept everyone at a distance was present right now. I thought it was a safety mechanism she had adopted after all those years of enduring what she had to. It was the version of Ainsley that I had met her first night at Club Envy, and I hated it. I wanted my girl back, the one who opened up and gave me everything she had unconditionally.
“I want you here.”
She gave me a small smile. “I want to be here.”
I blew out a small breath. “I need to tell you something. I had planned on telling you tonight when we got back home. You were stressed about heading to your mom’s, and I didn’t want to add to it before we left.”
She swallowed hard and fixed her body posture ramrod straight. “What do you need to tell me?”
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “I met with your father’s law firm today, and we fired them. We told them we had found other representation. Your dad got mad but reined in his temper.”
Ainsley began chewing on her bottom lip.
Then, she looked me straight in the eye. “Did he mention my mom or me? Did he give you any indication he was coming back into our lives? Did he know you were firing him prior to this afternoon?”
I started soothingly rubbing her hand. “No, or I would have told you. Brandt and I made the final decision today after we found someone else to represent the club. Nothing about you came up. Brandt handled the meeting, and he was actually the one to tell them, so it wouldn’t come across that you or your mom had anything to do with it. But, Ainsley, after I found out what he had done to you, I was not going to support his business or take a chance that he’d be there when you were.”
The tension from her shoulders seemed to lessen. “Thank you for telling me. I need that honesty from you, Adam. Mom has been acting weird for the last few days when I’ve talked to her on the phone. I don’t think it’s because of you firing him today.”
“I know you need honesty, baby. Let’s go inside, so we can look to see what help is available.”
She got out of the car, and I followed her into the house. I was determined to be there for her in whatever way she needed.
Ainsley had been talking to counselor after counselor to get advice on what to do. Her mom would have to admit herself voluntarily unless she was a danger to society or to herself. Ainsley rubbed the back of her neck as she pleaded with someone to help her. My heart was breaking that she wasn’t making any progress.
