“I see,” Reno said, looking broken and stunned.
When Reno started to cry silently, Luka's heart shattered again, knowing that even if he meant what he’d said, he’d still done that to Reno.
Luka repeated, “I can’t do this.”
“Do you need to go?”
Luka watched Reno’s dark eyes searching his own and had trouble saying, “It might be best if I do.”
“Okay, Luka.” Reno held out his hand for Luka to take, letting Luka choose to connect or not. And, when he did, the warmth of it, the gentleness of it, made Luka’s throat close. “If that is what you choose."
1 I’m home?—
2 Can we talk?
3 Yeah.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Luka felt hollow.
Missouri was so fucking hot in late June. It felt like a swamp. It was so humid, and Michael kept trying to lie on top of him, smothering Luka with twenty-five pounds of fluff. But it was fine.
Really, it wasfine.
August was aware when Luka landed a few weeks ago of everything that had happened online. By the time Luka got his suitcase through the door and collapsed on the couch, he was so tired he said he didn’t want to talk about it.
He’d fallen asleep right there, then continued not to move, other than to go to the downstairs office for work or to sit at the coffee table in front of the sofa to work on his comic like it would kill him if he stopped.
Something about sleeping in his own bed and spending time in his bedroom felt like giving up. It wasn’t his room anymore.
August gave him emotional space for a while, tiptoeing around him as they picked up his messes in the living room, watching C-dramas next to him on the couch without asking if Luka wanted to, and handing him bowls of pasta, forcing him to eat. But they didn’t make him talk.
Luka hadn’t been sure what to say anyway.
Three weeks after coming home, he’d woken up to August sitting on the floor, their back against the couch as they typed away at something on their phone. And the memory of Reno, asleep on his arms, half on the couch, watching over Luka while he was sick, hit him like a knife to the chest, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore.
August had listened quietly while Luka cried, explaining everything that had come after the harassment: the broken trust, the rejection of Luka’s offer to help, the way Reno had refused to tell the world they were together. It felt like pulling teeth out of his own mouth to admit how he’d managed to ruin Reno’s life, and how frustrated he was that Reno wouldn’t fix it with him, and that maybe Reno was right and Luka didn’t understand anything about how the music industry or being famous worked.
By the time he got around to admitting to August that he wasn’t sure if he’d made the right choice to come home, he’d run out of tears. He felt empty.
He went quiet, curled in on himself in his pajamas on the couch, and August took their time before responding. Eventually, they stood and started pacing.
Luka waited, doing what he could to steady his breathing. He was so tired, down to his bones, and everything ached.
“You’re both idiots.”
Luka flinched.
August stopped pacing and crossed their arms, looking down at him on the couch. “You did that man a massive disservice by leaving like that. I get it. I do. Your response honestly is pretty reasonable, given what you experienced, but leaving Reno alone to deal with all of this by himself while you hide away here on the couch is…” They trailed off with a grunt. “I love you, but that was cowardly.”
“Harsh.”
“Sometimes you need a friend to be harsh, dude. You got a thick skull. I know you tried to be there for him, and hedidmanage to push you away, but like, you said he’s been through this before, right? He’s used to doing this alone, or at least, not with the help of a partner. But I’ve listened to you talk about how you and Reno are when you’re together,waytoo muchfor this to be the end.”
“What’s that mean?” Luka scowled at August.
August huffed and said, “You straight up told me Reno’s used to getting everything he wants if he just works really hard. He’s doing that. He’s working hard to get what he wants and is so used to doing things alone to make things happen that I’m unsure if he knows how to let someone,especially a romantic partner, help him at all. Seems like he's so used to being in charge of his own life that he’s not seeing how taking control of the situation is harming you too.” They paused and took a breath before saying, “And then there’s you. You never get what you want.”
