“What do you mean?” Reno looked dizzy. He’d been ravishing Luka’s body only moments before and here Luka was, ruining the moment. “Did I do something to hurt you?”
“Yes,” Luka said, “not physically. At least, not in a way I don’t enjoy. I just—” Luka groaned and slowly sat up. “I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard, and I feel like I’m being met with a wall.”
“A wall?”
“Yes, like you’re walled off. A brick wall built between you and me.”
“I thought we…” Reno didn’t finish the sentence.
Luka shook his head. “Being physical with me doesn’t mean emotional closeness. It doesn’t fix anything.”
“Oh.”
“I'm asking directly,” Luka started, and Reno gave him the full force of his attention. “Will you let me announce our relationship publicly?”
Reno looked away, quiet.
“Will you let me get on a stage with you and let the world know how much I love you?”
“Luka,” Reno sighed. “It is not so simple.”
“Why not? You have pull with the studio. You talk about how you have plans to help change things. You’re taking some kind of action, but you aren’t letting me join you.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to,” Reno admitted, and Luka had to roll his eyes.
“Yes, you did! You know I want to stand by you, and you’re not letting me.”
“I—” Reno started to reach for Luka’s hand before retreating, likely remembering Luka had asked not to be touched. “I can’t see you like that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If you put yourself in public like that, it will be dangerous. People will never stop looking at you. This is not something I want for you.”
“What about what I want? Didn’t you always say you would give me what I want?” Luka argued, and Reno slumped.
“What you need is more important than your wants, sometimes.” Reno turned away from him, and Luka felt himself start to boil.
“Andyou’rethe one to choose what's best for me?”
“In this case, yes. I do know how this works. I have seen how it affects people and what happens.”
Luka gaped for a moment, feeling the weight of Reno’s words on his shoulders. “So, I’m, what—Supposed to stay hidden away in your flat for you to fuck whenever you want and not have a say in my life?”
“No.” Reno reached out again before pausing. “No, not like that.”
“Sure sounds like it,” Luka snapped. “The only way I can have you is stolen away, in secret, hiding from the world. How is that fair? Andwhy? Because you think I can’t handle everything that comes along with dating you? Why would you think I would say yes to you if I didn’t know just how involved everything was from the get-go? Why else do you think I feel so responsible for what happened last week? I knew saying yes to you, yes to coming here, came with these risks, and I still saidyesbecause I wanted to be with you regardless of all of it.”
“I want to be with you too.”
“Then let mebe with you.”
Reno shook his head. “I—” He choked on the word, not saying anything more.
“I can’t do this.” Luka thought of everything they were saying online, still a whole week later. He thought about how they spoke about Reno and his private life, about the way they kept making guesses, each one more wild than the next, and wanted to lash out. The solution was right in front of them, the fix was so easy, and Reno wouldn’t take it.
He winced with the sudden, visceral realization that it might always be this way.
“It’s a lot.” He finally said. He didn’t know how he would make something work if Reno wouldn’t let himtry.
