He brought his hands to the back of Luka’s head in a movement Luka was beginning to realize was Reno’s way of keeping him close. Reno had a demanding way about him; he was pushy, prying Luka’s lips apart and brushing his tongue against Luka’s. He kissed Luka like he didn’t want to forget him, like he wanted to imprint him against his tongue and teeth. Luka felt himself melt into it, felt himself fall into Reno’s hands, and when Reno pulled away, his eyes were glassy and so, so dark as he peered at Luka through his lashes.
Luka let out an uneven breath and asked, “Can we go?”
Reno kissed him again for that and Luka wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stay upright much longer. He put his hands on Reno’s shoulders and pushed gently; Reno whined, his fingers digging against Luka’s skull as he fought against their separation.
“Reno," Luka gasped, “control.”
With a sigh, Reno relaxed, his hands sliding out of Luka’s hair and away, looking almost pained to do so. He murmured, “Sorry," before putting his hands in his lap and looking bashful.
“It’s ok," Luka said, “let’s pack up?”
Reno nodded and when Luka stood and looked down at him, he seemed so small, surrounded by fallen petals with the sun dancing over his soft hair as it peeked through the branches.
“Stand up, I need a cigarette.”
“Ah, the real reason.” Reno pressed a finger to his lip and smiled. “You need nicotine more than me?”
“You’re embarrassing.” Luka tapped him in the shin with his toe before extending a hand to help Reno up. “I’m not going to suck you off in a public park.”
“Oh.” Reno’s eyes went very big and he took Luka’s hand to hurry and stand. “Luka.”
“Don’t use that voice on me.” Luka blushed while putting on his shoes. Reno looked delighted when Luka made eye contact with him then he, too, blushed and got to work shaking petals off the blanket. When it was back in his bag, Reno put his hat back on, held his hand out to Luka, and they left the park in search of an area away from other people to share a cigarette.
Reno leaned against the park’s outer walls, a good distance from the gate and curled his fingers for Luka to hand him the lighter.
“Do you remember," he started, mouth around the cigarette as he lit it, “what brand it was?”
“Hm?” Luka watched Reno take a drag, feeling much more about it than he should. The smoke curled around them both and he put the pieces together. “Oh, no.”
“Really?” Reno’s eyes widened and he passed the cigarette to Luka. Their fingers brushed and Luka felt the years overlap. The distance between now and their meeting, the taste of tobacco on his tongue, the years stretching as he took in Reno’s face. He had aged, beautifully so, from the man Luka had met outside the venue in Missouri to the one here in New York. Reno propped a foot up against the wall and leaned back, head tilting just so, exposing his throat to the world as he’d done all that time ago. The difference was a marvel. “I always wondered.”
Luka felt the heat in his lungs and couldn’t tell if it was Reno or smoke. “Me too. I got it from that vocalist. With the local band.”
“Oh, Dan?” Reno asked. “We still chat sometimes. Maybe he knows.” Reno reached out for the cigarette, his long fingers gorgeous in the late sun. “He was always nice. We were so green then. His band was only with us for, um, I think six or seven of the tour dates. Just through center U.S. But, he really watched out for us. Sometimes I miss doing little shows like that.”
“Why’s that?” Luka watched Reno smoke and struggled to pay attention to what he was saying.
“There was something magical about it. Maybe I’m just nostalgic. But, it was kind of like getting to play for individual people instead of crowds.” He laughed at that and tipped the cigarette to the side, letting ash drop to the sidewalk. A car honked somewhere nearby and another four or five honks followed. “I love it now, too. There’s nothing more electric than playing for a big crowd. It’s more energy, it’s more wild.”
Luka zipped his hoodie up, feeling the wind start to rustle his hair around. “Which is better?”
“Neither. Both?” Reno passed the cigarette back and pulled his hood up over his hat, leaving only the brim exposed. “There’s moments before I wish I could recreate, but back then, I was only dreaming of playing the kind of stages I play now. So, both.”
“I’ve never experienced anything like that,” Luka admitted. “I’m not used to people looking at me. But, I was there too.”
Reno stared at him, searching.
“I mean, I saw you play back then. You’re right, it felt more personal for me, too. You were within reach, it felt like you looked at everyone. There’s something really fun about that. Now, it’s like getting to be part of a mass. Moving together, a big wave of people instead of individuals. Which feels amazing, too.”
Reno smiled. “Ah, I do love that. I always go see the other bands when we play festivals. It’s nice to get lost in the crowd. You know, it’s nice you didn’t stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Listening to my music.”
“Oh my god.” Luka took the cigarette back, focused on the sidewalk instead of anything else. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“What? It’s inspiring,” Reno said, crossing his arms. “It’s cool. I make music because I love it. To have someone else love it is like being seen. When someone like you loves it, it feels incredible.”
