Dr. Tilly laughed. “Just curious.”
I peeked out from behind my hands. “I can’t even tellmyselfthis without cringing. I had to emotionally blackmail myself into even saying it toyou.”
“But it’s relevant.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “No shit.”
Dr. Tilly’s voice gentled. “It’s a very specific kind of vulnerability. When someone from your fantasy life walks into your real one. It can feel… unsteady.”
I nodded.
“And you’re coming off a marriage where your judgment — your trust — was deeply betrayed.”
My throat caught.
“So maybe the spiral isn’t just abouthim. Maybe it’s about who you were then, and who you are now. And whether you’re allowed to want anything at all, again. Especially now. Especially someonelike him.”
Stupid Dr. Tilly.
She smiled kindly. “And especially something —someone— you used to dream about.”
I didn’t say anything. Just stared at the edge of her rug and tried to press my fingernails into the fabric of the couch. The words had gotten too close to something. Too real.
I waited a beat. Maybe two. Then, quieter than I meant to, I said, “I’m seeing him tomorrow.”
Dr. Tilly didn’t speak, but I could feel her gaze tilt toward me.
“Coffee,” I added, trying not to sound like I’d rehearsed the word. “He asked if I wanted to meet up.”
She gave me space to keep talking, didn’t rush me.
“I said yes before I could talk myself out of it,” I admitted. “And now it’s all I can think about. I don’t even know what I want from it. Closure, maybe. Or clarity. Or?—”
I swallowed hard. “Or maybe I just want to be near him again.”
The silence that followed made my stomach flip. I hated how much I meant it.
“Do you think it’s a bad idea?” I asked.
“I think it matters why you’re saying yes,” she said carefully. “Not to me. To you.”
I pressed the heel of my palm to my forehead. “What if I’m saying yes because even after all these years… I’m just the same stupid girl with a crush on a celebrity?”
Dr. Tilly was quiet again. Then, with a gentle smile, “Can it be all of those things?”
“I don’t know.” My voice cracked. “I’m scared I’ll look at him and forget all the reasons I started healing in the first place.”
She softened. “Or maybe you’ll look at him and realize you’ve grown.”
I looked up, skeptical. “Is that what this is? Growth?”
Her smile was gentle and maddening. “It’s a start, Juniper. What’s his name?”
“So you can look him up andyoucan blackmail me?” I asked, trying to smile in her direction.
She didn’t fall for it. Sheneverfell for it. Dr. Tilly didn’t answer, just waited in that disgustingly patient way that good therapists do.
“Ansel.”
