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Kurt: Did you make it?
Me: Yes, just a bit ago. Getting settled.
Kurt: Does anyone know where you’re staying?
Me: I haven’t sent the address to anyone if that’s what you mean.
Kurt: Can I have it, just in case?
This was what perplexed me about Kurt—he truly cared, yet he denied himself any happiness we could have had together.
Me: I’ll email it to you.
Kurt: What are you doing this evening?
Me: Pajamas. Movie. Bed. I’m too wild for my own good. You?
Kurt: I talked Knoah into some mint chocolate chip cookies. Can I call you?
I blew out a breath.
Me: Sure.
The phone rang, and I sat on the arm of the chair in the bedroom. “Hello?”
“Hey.”
For a moment, there was nothing but silence.
“Everything okay?”
“Umm…yeah. Can I ask you a question?” There was a vulnerability in his voice I hadn’t heard before.
“Sure.”
“Did you leave because of me?”
I wanted to be truthful. “Partly. And for me.” I paused, but he said nothing. “I can’t keep doing this, Kurt.”
“I thought we were good. Things are back to how they were before I fucked it up.”
Fucked it up. Not exactly the words a girl wanted to hear after the best sex of her life. I needed to know. “Are we ever going to be more than friends? Or was LA just a meaningless fuckfest?”
“Sawyer…I…we…it was a mistake. You’re too important.”
The words killed me. “Then I need you to let me go. Completely. Only be my friend and roommate. Stop sending confusing signals. Treat me like you treat Knoah. It’s making me crazy.”
There was another pause. “I told you, I’m not what you’re looking for. I’m just looking out for you.”
I huffed. “Maybe you should let me decide this. I’m a grown woman and can choose who I want to fuck, Kurt. Stop acting like I’m some fragile china doll.”
“Sawyer…I just can’t. I would only hurt you.”
“Thanks, roomie.” I knew I was being immature, but it was the only way to hide the hurt. A lump formed in my throat. “Bye, Kurt.”
For a moment, a deep sigh was his only response. Then, he said, “Goodnight, Sawyer.”
After I hung up, I let the sobs come.
