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Why does it hurt so bad?
I blinked a few times to try to hold back the tears, but it was no use. What did you think would happen? He’d beg you to be his? Don’t be stupid. He’d told me in LA that it wasn’t a permanent thing. I thought our nights together might have changed his mind. But all along, he had been nothing but honest with me. “This is only for the week, Sawyer. I can’t promise anything past this week.”
My phone rang again. Knoah’s name appeared on the display.
Impeccable timing.
I cleared my throat and answered, “Hey there.”
“Hey, Kurt said you left for a mini vacation before the big road trip across America.”
Furiously, I wiped at a few escaped tears. “Yeah, I rented a small cottage on the beach. It’s cute.”
“Listen…I heard Kurt’s side of the conversation from the other room.”
The damn tears started again. “You know…sometimes, I think dealing with that crazy Elvis-loving woman and finding a ring-bearer monkey was easier than dealing with him.”
Not too long ago, Knoah and I had worked together at As You Wish Event Planning. Out of the blue, our boss had turned from amazing to raging bitch in a nanosecond. Without any notice, she fired us both and then was killed in a robbery. It was just terrible.
Knoah chuckled. “So much has happened since those days. It’s hard to believe.”
“It is.” I rubbed my forehead, unsure of what to say.
“Sawyer, for what it’s worth…I do think he cares about you, but it’s tough for him. Kurt’s never told me much, but I’ve seen him keep everyone he’s ever cared about—except Dylan, me, and now you—at a distance. He’s scared. I’m sure of it.”
My throat grew thick. “I need to move forward. He doesn’t want to give us a chance.”
“I know. I heard. As soon as he hung up, he left to go back to your apartment. He’s being a stubborn ass.” She huffed. “Do you want some advice?”
“I’d love it.”
“Don’t lose yourself in all this. When Garrick and I got married, I nearly did at one point. If you don’t have yourself, having Kurt won’t mean a thing.”
I missed me. Since my life had intertwined with Kurt’s, I’d become consumed with wanting him to see how good we would be together. “You’re right.”
“Of course. I’m your best friend.”
I giggled. “Thanks, Knoah.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Eat my weight in ice cream. Get my head and heart prepared for the trip.”
“Oh man, I should have sent some mint chocolate chip cookies with you. You could always back out.”
“I could. But I won’t. I love my
job and the connections it brings. I’ll be fine. Promise.”
“I know you will. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
“Bye.”
I hung up and looked out at the ocean, searching for answers. As the waves crashed in, I felt my insecurities breaking apart. After all, I was Sawyer fucking Wade. Life was something I lived, and I refused to let it pass me by while I moped around.
Chapter Four
