I glance over and see Roman already chatting Nate up, asking, “How did you actually meet in college? Was it love at first sight?
Caught off guard, Nate answers honestly. I hear bits and pieces with a calm tone, like he’s not afraid to speak his truth, but Spencer’s already leading me away.
Once we’re a few steps away, he turns to me. “Dude, I need to know…how long have you known? And why didn’t you say anything?”
I let out a breath. “Honestly? I was nervous. I thought you, Roman, anyone really might look at me differently. I didn’t want people thinking I couldn’t play football, or I wasn’t a real man, just because I’m gay.”
“So, you’re gay,” he says, “Not bi.”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Gay.”
Spencer studies me for a second, then shakes his head with a crooked smile. “Well, that makes sense. I never saw you with any girls. Or anyone, really. You just kind of kept to yourself when we went out. You always hung around the guys and got wasted.”
I let out a laugh. “You’re not wrong. It was stressful as fuck.”
“You know you could’ve told me,” he says. “But I’m glad I found out now. Still can’t believe your team knew before me. What…are you and Josh Miller, BFFs now?”
I smirk. “No one will replace you, Spenc.”
“But Josh Miller is awesome,” I add. “And, he’s definitely a better quarterback than Roman. But don’t tell him I said that.”
Spencer laughs. “Dude, I will always have your back. And Roman, too, you know that, right? Yeah, some people will have their opinions. Some players, regular people, or whoever. There will always be someone who thinks it’s a choice or who disagrees. But just know this: me, Roman, and so many others will always be in your corner.”
Something about the way he says it gets to me. I feel this emotion swell in my chest, and I have to look away for a second. It just feels good and relieving. Everyone who's found out, everyone who matters, has shown me such love. Everyone’s been treating me exactly the same. And that’s all I care about.
As Spencer and I keep talking, I hear faint laughter behind us from Roman and Nate. They’re actually getting along, and Ican’t help but smile; that is, until I catch part of Roman’s voice saying something that stops me cold.
“Some guys on the Boston team heard the rumors about Carter and Charlie…and were repulsed. I am glad he wasn’t on the team to deal with that shit.”
I keep replaying the word, ‘Repulsed’.
That word hits me like a punch in the face. It’s so harsh and disgusting. I don’t even know if I heard it right, or if I imagined it. But it is starting to trigger panic inside me.
Spencer’s still talking, saying something about how the team isn’t the same without me, but I’m only half-listening. That word continues to circle in my head, ‘Repulsed’.
What kind of person uses that word about someone coming out? What does that even mean?
Spencer must notice something’s off, because he suddenly stops and says, “Dude. I fucking love you. I need to visit New York soon. No more not talking for months at a time. Kay?”
Before I can say anything, he pulls me into a hug. And somehow, that hug snaps me out of the daze.
I hug him back. “I’m just so grateful for you, bro. Seriously. We need to talk more. We’re not even that far from each other.”
He winks. “Damn right we do.” Then he smacks my ass. Hard.
“Hey!” I yelp, laughing as I rub the sting on my left cheek. Everyone turns to look, and the whole group bursts out laughing.
We all gather in a loose line near the table as my dad finishes cooking. Burgers, hot dogs, and chicken land on everyone's plate. The mood lightens again, warm and comfortable. I look over at Nate, who’s already walking over to me. He smiles and I smile back.
And in that moment, I remind myself: Even if some guys in Boston, or anywhere, think of me differently, it doesn’t matter.
Look at who’s here. Look at who knows I’m gay. No one gives a shit.
These people are the ones who matter, and they love me. And that’s all I need.
I look at Nate, then glance down at his plate, then mine, and say, “We are literally pigs.”
We both have two burgers, a hot dog, and a slice of chicken breast.
