‘Make sure you get the right ones,’ says Rob, as he helps meout of the car.
‘The right ones?’ I look at him, puzzled.
‘Yes, the ones in the green packet work much more quicklythan those ones in the blue packet.’
‘Oh, the indigestion tablets?’ I peer at him. ‘Hang on, Rob.Have you actually munched a whole packet of those things since last week?’
‘So what if I have?’ he mutters, a touch defensively.
I laugh. ‘Oh, babe, are you having those pregnancy symptomsagain?’
‘It’s not funny, Fen. That damn heartburn was absolutely ragingin bed last night. I couldn’t sleep at all. And it’s very real, I’m tellingyou. I’m definitely not imagining it.’
‘There’s a name for that.’
He nods. ‘Weird. That’s what it is.’
‘No, I mean it’s an actual medical condition. It’s called“couvade”, when the man experiences symptoms of pregnancy along with his femalepartner. It’s like when you kept feeling sick in my first trimester.’
‘Weird. Exactly.’
I reach up to kiss him. ‘I read all about it.’
‘Of course you did.’ He kisses the tip of my nose and gamelyattempts to get his arms around all three of us. ‘My little encyclopaedia ofpregnancy.’
‘It’s best to be prepared,’ I say, feeling rather defensivemyself.
I know a lot of people, including Rob, think I’m mad for beingso rigid about my plans for the actual birth. But it makes me feel...safer... making all these decisions ahead of the big day. Allmy research has pointed to a water birth at home being perfect for me. So awater birth at home it’s going to be!
‘No, so apparently this couvade thing goes back to when ancientpeoples practised a kind of ritual where the men pretended to be pregnant aswell,’ I explain to Rob. ‘They even imitated labour and delivery.’
‘Ha! Well, you can rest assured I won’t be prostrate on anadjoining bed, pushing for England and screaming blue murder alongside you.’
‘Hey, stop it. You’re supposed to be reassuring me that it’sgoing to be a breeze.’
‘Okay. It’s going to be a breeze.’ His eyes sparkle withmischief. ‘You absolutely won’t feel a thing because the epidural you’ve hadwill give you such sweet relief.’
I look at him with fake horror. ‘Wash your mouth out! Youknow how I feel about pain relief.’
‘So you won’t even be having gas and air?’
I shake my head firmly, slinging my bag over my shoulder.‘Not even gas and air.’
‘Hmm, well, we’ll see.’
I hate that Rob’s so sceptical on the subject of me refusingpain relief, but I intend to show him and all those other doubters how seriousI am. Stone Age woman didn’t have all these crutches to help her through givingbirth. I’ll be going through the most miraculous experience of my life so whywould I want to miss any of it by being numbed? No, I intend tofeeleverysingle second...
‘Zip your handbag up,’ Rob says, and I look down to find itgaping open. He frowns. ‘What on earth’s that?’
I glance at the ziplock bag lying on top. ‘Oh, nothing.’Swiftly pulling the zip across, I beam at him. ‘See you later.’
‘You will indeed.’
‘Okay, so it’s the tablets in the blue box?’ I call to him,as I cross the pavement and pull open the café door.
‘Thegreenone.’ But he’s smiling because he knowsI’m just teasing him.
I blow him a kiss and step happily inside.
