We let go of each other and he’s about to get back to what he’s doing when I ask him, “Hey, do you need help?”
He looks back at me with glossy eyes. Is this mother fucker crying? I laugh at him.
“Don’t get all soft on me now,” I tell him.
“Shut up, but yeah, I’d love the help,” he says.
I follow him in the room and swallow my pride with what I’m about to tell him.
Here goes nothing.
***
“And when she left my heart sank because she didn’t even give me a chance to explain that I had quit for her,” I say to Derek, like he’s my therapist.
I tell Derek everything, I tell him about my drug addiction, about meeting Gen, about Gen’s father, about me quitting, everything. He’s just sitting on the edge of his bed, silent, soaking in everything I just told him.
“Wow,” is all he says.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “What do I do?” I ask.
“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna go to Nebraska and get her back. I’ve never seen you as happy, optimistic and fun as you were with her. You can’t let her go. You’re gonna go there and profess your love to her and ask her to move in here with you.”
I blink really hard, I don’t know what else to say. My throat is as dry as the Sahara desert.
“And before you say your car won’t make it, I’m going to take you,” he says matter of factly.
Wait what? Now I feel like I’m really dreaming.
“You’re gonna take me to Nebraska?” I ask him.
“Yeah, it’s not like a phone call is going to fix this, you gotta make a grand gesture in person. Plus, it’s on my way to Louisiana anyway so I’ll just drop you off and she’ll have to take you back so then she can give you a ride back when she decides to move in with you. It’s perfect, roommate problem solved.”
“And how are you so sure that she’s going to take me back and want to move in with me?” I ask him.
“Because you’re you, you’re my best friend and if she doesn’t take you back then she doesn’t know what she’s missing,” He says.
“Damn bro, you became soft while you were gone,” I tell him.
“Say that again and I won’t take you,” he says. That gets me to shut up.
“Alright alright, but boss won’t let me go. He’s been struggling without you as it is,” I tell him.
“Leave boss to me, you’re going. Pack your bags, we leave tomorrow,” he says.
I leave his room and head to mine, collapsing face-first onto my bed. I stay there for a solid three minutes, letting the weight of everything settle in when I feel something jabbing at my stomach.
I really self sabotaged myself. How can I come back from this?
Will Geneveieve even forgive me?
How can she when I don’t even forgive myself.
I lift myself up a bit to let my hand fit and feel for what’s in the way, when I find what it is, I’m repulsed. It’s the last vile of coke I have. Without thinking I get up, march myself over to the bathroom, open the vile and drain the substance down the toilet.
I never want to be associated with cocaine again. I don’t even know why I kept the vile full in the first place. I should have done this a long time ago. Then this whole situation with Genevieve could have been avoided.
She would still be here.
