I set the pen down, breathing in deeply then out.
I’m fucked. Totally, completely, and utterly fucked.
One minute I’m convinced I have to ask her. The next, I’m scared shitless she’ll say no. If she turns me down, what then? Do I just... rot in my room and listen to sad music for the rest of winter? I bite the hang nail off my thumb. What if she says no? Then what? Will I spend the rest of my days thinking about her, hoping that one day I’ll wake up and forget she ever existed?
No chance.
I need to ask her. I just have to hope for the best.
I feel the vibration of my phone buzz through the mattress. I pick it up and am repulsed by the messenger.
It’s my father, again. Asking for money, again.
When will he stop?
He knows that I know he has a problem, yet that doesn’t stop him from acting desperate.
I’m about to respond with something I’ll probably regret later when a knock on my bedroom door pulls me from my thoughts.
“Come in,” I call, my voice tight with frustration.
“Hey, man,” Derek says looking like shit.
I sit up a little straighter in my bed as he comes over and joins me at the edge of my stiff mattress.
“What’s up? You look like hell,” I tell him, the guy truly looks defeated.
“My old man got in an accident. Doesn’t sound too good. I’m gonna have to head down to Louisiana for a few days,” he says, his voice thick with sadness.
“Shit, man,” I reply, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’m really sorry to hear that. Let me know if you need anything, alright?”
“Thanks, bro,” he says, slowly making his way to the door. “I’ll let you know.”
“When are you leaving?” I ask him.
He stops and turns back. “Day after tomorrow.”
That’s too soon.
“Get some sleep, buddy. Feel better,” I say.
He nods his expression unreadable, and exits my room. Poor guy.
I slouch back down into my bed, my mind replaying the news. I know Derek and his dad aren’t that close. But I still can’t even imagine how he’s feeling right now. Derek longs for family, despite his dad being his worst enemy. I’m sure Derek is hoping he still has time to make amends. Me, though? As horrible as it sounds, I never care to have a relationship with my father again. Simply because of that. He was always a father and never a dad. But even so, I can’t help but think if I got news like that, I’d still be shaken. I’d want to get on the next plane out, no matter what.
Family is family.
As Derek’s words finally sink in, a plan starts to form in my mind.
The day after tomorrow, huh? Does this make me a bad friend for using his problems to my advantage? Probably, but I’ve never claimed to be a good friend. Just a guy obsessing over a girl and looking like an idiot while doing so.
But for the sake of true love, I have to ask her.
I’ll wait until tomorrow. Give myself some time to think it over and make sure I’m doing the right thing.
But God knows I can’t make any smart decisions when it comes to Genevieve. She’s got my brain wired differently, twisted. I couldn’t make a good decision to save my life when it comes to her. I’d do anything for her.
Including quitting cocaine.
