Once Bridget was tucked into bed—Mom had given her Iona’s old room—I dropped down on my own bed and called Ali.
When she answered, her voice was soft and sleepy. “Hey, Flynn.”
Memories of a hundred different late night telephone calls with her pulled me back into the past. How many times had we whispered until long after midnight, talking about nothing but nonsense, neither of us willing to say goodnight even though we’d see each other next day? More than I could count. I wondered if Ali were remembering, too.
“Hey.” I whispered, too, even though my mom’s room was way down the hall, and I didn’t think she was going to come in and yell at me for being on the phone anymore.
“Did everything go okay tonight?”
“Yeah, it was fine. I talked to Iona. Apparently she and Mark were discussing what happened with . . . with Craig, and Graham overheard it. She was really sorry, and Graham’s being punished.” I stared up at my ceiling, looking at the same cracks in the plaster that I used to see when I was eighteen. “I didn’t talk to Bridge, though. She was having such a blast with Mom and Reenie, I just couldn’t ruin it.” I held my breath, half-expecting her to be pissed that I’d ducked the issue.
“That’s probably smart.” To my surprise, Ali didn’t sound upset. “Sometimes with kids, it’s knowing when to say something and when to leave it alone. Half the time, it all blows over without us making a fuss.” She yawned, and I heard a rustling.
“Are you in bed?” I asked the question before I thought better of it.
She laughed softly. “Yeah, I am. Sorry, this time of year, the days are long. I worked the stand from eight this morning until five, and then I weeded the vegetable garden at the house, and then I went out into the fields with Sam to plant tomatoes.”
“Whew.” I laced my fingers behind my head, cradling the phone on my shoulder. “I’m exhausted just hearing about it. Did I wake you up?”
“No. Not really. I was maybe dozing just a little.”
“Were you dreaming?” I couldn’t stop myself.
Ali didn’t answer right away. “No. I don’t dream anymore.”
I knew she was talking about more than just what happened when she slept.
“Really? I do.” I let my eyes drift shut. “I thought I didn’t, but since I’ve been back in Burton . . . it’s weird. Like my brain’s catching up on all those years.”
“I don’t think it works that way. We dream every night, even if we don’t remember. I read that somewhere.”
“Hmmm.” I lay there for a minute, just enjoying the peace. The quiet I was sharing with Ali. I could hear her soft breathing, and I wished with sudden gut-strong need that she were here with me. It rolled over my body like a truck, shocking the hell out of me.
“Hey, Ali. Do you still sleep in the same room you did in high school?”
“Um . . . yeah. Bridge slept in with me when she was a baby, and now she’s right next door, where Sam used to sleep. He took Mom and Dad’s room.”
“Ah.”
“Why did you ask?” Her tone was curious, but a little apprehensive, too.
“I wanted to picture where you are.” And when I did, I got hard, thinking about her room. Her bed. Ali and me together there, on nights when Sam had late meetings with the Guild. “Hey, Ali.”
“Yeah, Flynn?” There was something else in her voice now. Something cautious but yearning. I plunged ahead.
“Do you ever think about what would’ve happened if I’d stayed? Or if you’d come with me?”
I nearly felt her sigh. “At first, I didn’t think about anything else. It was all that I could imagine. I wished a million times or more that I could change what we did. What we said.” Silence stretched between us until she spoke again. “But it hurt too much. After I knew Bridget was coming, I had to make a decision. I could keep wishing and crying and hurting, or I could put on my big girl pants and grow up. I had to do that for my baby.” She drew in a shuddering breath, and it killed me to think she might be crying again. “So I stopped thinking about what might have been. I stopped wishing, and I stopped dreaming.”
If I could’ve crawled through my phone and somehow ridden the cell waves or however it worked, I would’ve gathered her into my arm, pressed her head into my chest the same way I had in the days after her parents’ death. I couldn’t do that tonight.
“Ali, I want—”
“It’s late, Flynn.” She sounded sad but definite. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you this weekend.” There was soft click, and I was alone again in my room.
I tossed my phone to the other side of the bed and stretched my arms above my head.Damn.I was restless now. Horny, if I were honest with myself. It’d been a long time since I’d been with a woman, but this was more. It wasn’t just the need for any woman. I wanted the girl who’d just hung up on me.
“Dude, you are so fucked up.” I muttered the words, rubbing one hand over my eyes. I’d thought I could handle being back in Burton, and maybe I would’ve been okay, if I hadn’t ever laid eyes on Ali. But the minute I’d seen her, standing on my mom’s front porch with her sad and worried eyes, I was sinking back into the quicksand that was Ali Reynolds.
