“Then I found out I was pregnant. I freaked out. Alex was the only one who knew, and I made him swear not to tell anyone else. I wouldn’t see Craig when he came over, I’d just hide in my room, but one day, he came while Sam was out in the fields. He came to my room and told me he’d figured out I was pregnant. Alex didn’t tell him, but he’d seen me getting sick, and when I started pushing him away, I guess he put the pieces together. He asked me if I was planning to tell you, and when I said I couldn’t, he offered to marry me.”
I nodded. I could see it, could almost feel her pain. Craig would’ve loved her from a distance forever if I’d been the man I promised her I’d be. When I fucked up, he stepped in to save her.
“I didn’t want to, but he kept pushing, and I was so tired. I was sick, I was sad, and it felt like my life was over. I knew Craig thought he loved me. One day I just gave up. I said yes. I told Sam what we were doing—he didn’t know I was pregnant, but he knew I’d been seeing Craig—and he tried everything he could to talk me out of it. Offered to fly me to wherever you were. But by then I’d made up my mind.” She shifted a little, and the swing creaked. Her tongue darted out to touch her lips, and I sensed she was struggling with what she was going to say next.
“The day we went to get married . . . we drove to Savannah to do it, so I didn’t have to deal with anyone in Burton. That morning, though, I knew I was making a mistake. I had a huge panic attack, and I couldn’t breathe. I did the one thing I’d sworn I wouldn’t. I called you.”
“What?” I gripped the arms of the chair. “No, you didn’t. If you had—Ali, you’ve got to know I would’ve come back here if you’d called.”
“It was early in the morning. About an hour before Craig was supposed to pick me up. Alex was there with me—he drove into the city with us that day—and he told me I should talk to you before I did anything, if I wasn’t sure about marrying Craig. So I called, and someone answered. But it wasn’t you.”
“God, no.” I had a sudden ache in the pit of my stomach as I remembered. “Ali, she wasn’t anything to me. Reenie had called me the night before to tell me you were marrying Craig. She told me I needed to get back to town and stop you. I was furious, I was hurt . . . I got smashed and went home with one of the girls who was interning with the same photographer. But I didn’t do anything. I just slept on her couch.”
“She answered your phone, this girl with a sleepy voice, and I just shattered. I didn’t ask for you, I didn’t even speak to her. I just hung up. I felt like . . . I’d gotten my answer.”
“I’m sorry. When I think . . . if I’d just called you. Or come home.”So much wasted time.“So you went ahead and married Craig.”
Ali turned to look at me. “I never slept with him, Flynn. Not until after we were married. And even then . . .” She bowed her head, and this time the tears fell faster, hitting her folded arms. “On our wedding night, he tried to hold me, and I . . . just cried. Every time he touched me, I felt like I was cheating on you.”
“God, Ali.” I fisted my hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Why areyousorry, Flynn? I’m the one who broke all our promises.”
I shook my head. “No. I left you, and I put you in a position where you had to . . . do whatever you could to survive. I’m sorry.” I gave us both a few minutes of quiet. “Why did Craig leave, Ali?”
Her shoulders shook. “He tried his best. He stuck with me the whole pregnancy, while everyone was . . . judging us. People talked, you know. They said Craig and I’d been together before you left, and you found out, which was why you took off. Once I started showing, a few people actually asked Craig if he was sure the baby was his. He swore up and down that she was. He was by my side the day she was born, and until she was three months old. And then one day, he came into the living room—we were living in a little apartment over the flower shop downtown—and he had his suitcases. He told me he was leaving. He’d gotten accepted to a small college in Arkansas, and he was leaving. He’d applied there as a surprise for me, thinking we could all three start over fresh, where no one knew us. But then he realized that it was never going to work. I was never going to love him, not the way I’d loved you.”
My throat was so tight, I couldn’t speak. I raked my hand through my hair.
“He was right, of course. I’d have been better off marrying Alex, because him I loved as a friend. Craig was just the guy who came along when I was lonely. I remember he said to me, right before he walked out the door, ‘I thought I could make you love me. But I want more for myself than to be a safety net for a girl who can’t love me.’”
She inhaled deep and blew out a breath. “So he left, and that day I packed up Bridget’s stuff and mine and called Sam to come pick us up. I told him that Craig and I hadn’t worked out, and that was that. We moved back in at the farm, and life went on. And eventually, one day I realized I was happy again. Not in the same way I’d been with you. But happy as I could be. And for a while, it was enough.”
She brought her knee back up to hug to her body again, and a strand of her hair fell out of the braid, onto her face. I got up and knelt next to the swing. Reaching with one finger, I tucked the hair back behind her ear.
“Ali, you are the strongest, bravest woman I’ve ever known. I am . . . so awed that you are my daughter’s mother. If she grows up to be even half the woman you are, I’ll be the proudest father ever. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. For putting you in the place where you had to make those kind of choices. I can only say . . . I’m sorry.”
I laid my head against her legs, letting the wet from my eyes seep into her sweat pants as my shoulders shook. I wrapped my arms around her feet, and after a moment, I felt her hand slowly, tentatively, stroking over my hair.
Everything changed that week.
By the time Sam and Bridget returned from closing the stand, Ali and I were both calmer, still sitting on the porch as I entertained her with stories from my some of my shoots.
“Have you taken any photos since you’ve been back in town?” She trailed one hand lazily over the chain of the swing. “You know, seems to me it’s about time for them to replace the town sign again. You might be able to get in on that gig.”
I laughed. “Yeah, maybe. I’ve done a little shooting. I got some great pictures of Bridget the other day. Remind me, I’ll send them to you.”
“I looked beautiful in the pictures Daddy took, Mommy.” Bridget nodded in agreement, and we all laughed. Not an ounce of false modesty in this kid.
“Of course you do. You take after your uncle.” Sam poked her in the ribs, and she giggled. “Are y’all hungry? Since my personal chef took the day off, we’re just having leftovers. But Flynn, you’re welcome to stay, if you want.”
I glanced at Ali, and she gave me a small smile and nodded.
“If you’re sure you have enough, I’d love to eat with you. Thanks.”
When I left after dinner, Bridget hugged me with her usual exuberance, Sam shook my hand, and Ali walked me to the door. As I turned on the top step to say goodbye, she leaned forward and kissed my cheek.
It was a start.
