“Oh, sweetie, right now you’re thinking that could never happen between the two of you. And good heavens, I hope you’re right. But the truth is that people who love each other deeply, who are in love with each other and committed to spending a lifetime together, are going to get seriously angry sometimes. You can’t have that kind of depth of feeling without it going sideways now and then.”
“You and Daddy never fought.” I’d always seen my parents’ marriage as a perfect model of love and devotion.
“If you think that, then you have a very short memory, honey pie.” Mama chuckled. “We used to quibble and spat all the time when you were a baby, because if there’s one thing that throws a couple into even more of a tailspin than adjusting to each other, it’s tossing another fragile human life into the mix.” She paused for a long moment. “That’s not ... you’re not doing that just yet, are you, Ky? I mean, that’s not why you and Nicky fought? Why you sound so emotional?”
“No!” I was emphatic about that. “No, I’m not pregnant. I’m just pissed at Nicky for something that seems so clear to me. And then he went away this weekend, and I’m sitting here by myself. I have nothing to do and no one to talk to. No one to visit. Daisy and Alex are both gone for the weekend. I don’t have any other friends. I feel like a loser.”
“You’re hardly a loser, Kyra.” I could almost sense Mama rolling her eyes at my melodrama. “You’re just having a down day. Now where did Nicky go, that he left you home by yourself?” There was an edge to her tone that gave me hope I might yet win her to my side. Finally.
“He had to cover an engagement for his father. It was a last-minute thing, and it wasn’t a visit to a place where I could go along, too.” As I explained it to my mother, suddenly the situation didn’t seem like such a big deal. I wondered why it had felt that way last night.
“That doesn’t exactly seem unreasonable,” Mama said cautiously. “You knew when you started seeing Nicky that this is his life. He has commitments and obligations, and with his family being who they are, those must come first.”
“Yes, I know.” She wasn’t telling me anything new. “But we were supposed to go look at a new house—well, new for us, anyway—this weekend. We had to cancel, and I’d been looking forward to it, since Nicky was away this week.”
“Oh, the Scotland thing.” Mama’s voice tightened. “I’m sure the news made it look worse than it was in person, but those marchers seemed a little out of control. I’ll be honest—I was glad you weren’t with him. I’d have been crazy worrying about you.”
“Right?” Now we were getting somewhere. “I didn’t see what had happened until after Nicky came home, and he didn’t even tell me. I had to hear it from a reporter calling out a question. So I think I was entitled to be a little upset by that.”
“Ah.” I heard the nuance shift in my mother’s tone. “So that’s how it started, huh? And of course, you approached your husband reasonably, telling him why you were unhappy, calmly and in a loving way?”
“Well ...” I hedged. “Maybe not so much. Maybe I sat and sulked for a while because he wasn’t home when I got here yesterday, and I had time to build up to a pretty decent mad. After that, everything spiraled out of control. I fell asleep downstairs last night, and when I woke up this morning, Nicky had already left for Winchester.”
“But sweetie, he’s coming back.” Mama’s reminder wasn’t news to me, but I realized that I’d needed to hear this from someone else. I’d needed that outside assurance on some level. “Nicky loves you. When the two of you are together, you’re like two planets orbiting each other.”
“That’s not scientifically accurate, Mama,” I cut in. “Planets don’t orbit each other.”
“First of all, research tells us that it is entirely possible that two binary planets orbiting each other exist in another galaxy. And second, I was using that as an analogy, not a strict description.” I heard her self-righteous sniff all the way across the ocean.
“This is what happens when your mother has degrees in both science and literature,” I remarked. “When you call her on fudging facts, she claims she was using a literary device.”
“You’ve figured out my plan, Ky.” My mother laughed. “All that work I put into my education was only to keep my children on their toes. All part of my scheme to take over the world.”
“I knew it.” I let my head drop to the back of the sofa and stared up at the beamed ceiling. “Mama, I know Nicky loves me. And I love him, too, of course, more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person. Most of the time, I’m really happy with my life. My work—both at Honey Bee and as a duchess—is so fulfilling. As long as it keeps me busy, or as long as I’m doing something with Nicky, I can’t imagine living any other way. But when I have downtime, I can’t deny how lonely England is for me.”
“You’ve never had any trouble making friends, Kyra. What about the people you meet through your patronage of the gardens in Tottenham? There must be some women there who you’d find something in common with.”
“Probably,” I agreed glumly. “Some of the families who were there when I started at the gardens are lovely, and they’re very kind to me. Almost like friends. But there are so many problems with making friends outside the family. I can’t be sure someone won’t talk to the press. I can’t tell who’s a real friend, and who wants to get close to me because of who I am—who I’m connected to. It’s not like when I went to kindergarten, Mama. I can’t just sit down and ask the person playing in the dirt next to me if she wants to be best friends forever.”
“I know that,” she shot back. “But neither can you live without friends. You can’t survive on occasional calls and visits from your sisters and Shelby.”
“Believe me, I realize that.” With my fingertip, I traced a design on the cushion of the sofa. “But it doesn’t mean I know what the answer is. I guess for now, I’ll just keep on doing my best.” I hesitated. “I’m grateful for Daisy, and even Alex, although I’m still a little too much in awe of Alex to call her a friend. Maybe I just need to pull up my big girl pants and realize that I’m not that college kid who always had a crowd of people to count on. Life changes. Now I need to do the same.”
“No matter what, sweetie, you’ll always have me.” There was a voice in the background, and my mother’s voice was muffled for a moment as she responded. “Hang in there. As I said, marriage, especially the early days, isn’t easy. But you’ll never be sorry you stuck with it.” She cleared her throat. “And speaking of sticking with it, your father is pestering me to join him on the beach. I think I’ll take him up on that offer.”
“Kiss Daddy for me, and enjoy yourselves.” I swallowed hard, suddenly so awash with homesickness that I could barely speak. “And thanks for listening to me whine, Mama. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Love you, baby girl,” she murmured. “You’re going to be fine. I’m so proud of the strong young woman you are ... and I have faith in your survival skills. Talk soon.”
For the space of at least fifteen minutes after we’d hung up, I slumped on the couch, staring into nothingness. Talking to my mother had reminded me that feeling sorry for myself was not my style. I wasn’t going to sit here all weekend and brood ... I had better things to do.
IWAS CURLED UP INmy favorite chair in the living room, wrapped in a blanket and watching football on my laptop, when the door opened, and Nicky stepped inside.
My heart skipped a beat, thudding a little faster, and my mouth went dry. As much as I’d attempted to hold onto serenity and peaceful thoughts since Friday afternoon, now that he was here, all of that carefully cultivated calm fled.
He seemed more than a little uncertain, too, closing the door behind him quietly and dropping his bag on the floor.
“Hey, Ky.” Nicky spoke softly. “I’m home.”
