His cheeks went pink again. “Maybe not.” He lifted his gaze to mine. “You don’t have to answer this, and it’s none of my business—not now, anyway—but do you think you and Deacon . . .?”
I was suddenly having a little trouble breathing, my chest tightening. “I don’t know, Noah. I’m not—I didn’t come here today to break up with you because something’s going on with Deacon and me. There isn’t. We’re friends, I guess, and we work together, but he hasn’t put the moves on me.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean that.” He lifted his hand. “I would never accuse either of you of doing something like that. You’re both too honorable to do anything that could be remotely considered cheating.” He grinned. “But I keep remembering what Angela said about you guys. If Deacon turns out to beyourwild choice, Em, maybe you should go for it.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to think about that now. I’m going to focus on my garden, my job, my house . . . and on being grateful for the life I have. For my friends.” I eased my chair back a little. “I hope you’ll always be one of those, Noah. Ending our romantic relationship is hard enough, but I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you as my friend. You’ve been my rock for so long. I love you, and it would break my heart if we couldn’t still be in each other’s lives.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re going to shake me loose that easily, babe. I love you, too, and I like hanging out with you. Always have, always will.” His mouth twisted. “Now if you hook up with a guy who’s threatened by our friendship, I guess we’ll have to figure that out. But for now . . .” He stood up abruptly and circled the table, pulling me out of my seat and hugging me tight. “It’s still you and me. We’re not losing each other. That’s a promise.”
* * *
“So that’s it? You and Noah are done? Over? Finito?” Jenny reached to the side of the pool to pick up her beer.
I nodded. “Yeah. In the end, it felt right, you know? It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t fun to do, but it was right. It was what we needed to do. And we’re still friends, which is the best outcome I could’ve hoped for.”
“That’s so sickeningly mature and healthy.” Jenny stuck out her tongue. “If Nico and I ever broke up, which of course we won’t, I’d never be able to be friends with him. It would hurt too much to see him living a life without me in it.”
“I think . . .” I searched for words even as I clung to the side of the pool and lazily kicked my legs in the water. “I think going back to our old friendship is the goal. It’s the perfect world ideal. I don’t think it’s going to be quite like it was, though. As much as we both say we want that, it’s not realistic. We’re both going to have some residual . . . feelings.”
“I get that.” She nodded. For a few minutes, we sat in comfortable silence, both of us enjoying the cool of the water against the oppressive heat of the late afternoon sun. In the quiet, I could hear Nico inside the house, whistling as he put together the dinner the three of us were going to share. He’d insisted that Jenny and I stay out by the pool while he cooked for us.
“I know you women have a lot to talk about. Let me spoil the both of you while I can.”
I appreciated that kindness more than I could say. Today had already been difficult, but knowing this was my last evening with Jenny was harder than I’d thought it would be.
Clearing my throat, I attempted a smile. “So, are you all packed up?”
She nodded. “Getting there. This place was furnished, so it’s not like we have to worry about moving furniture or appliances. Just our clothes and linens and stuff. And Nico’s got all of his kitchen stuff.”
“What about the furniture in his condo in St. Petersburg?”
Jenny shrugged. “We sold some of it, and what we didn’t sell, we shipped up north at the beginning of the week. It wasn’t much, but it’ll be enough to get us started in our new place.”
“Ah.” I cupped my hand full of water and then let it run between my fingers. “And do you know where that new place is going to be?”
“Not yet. We’re staying at a temporary rental and putting everything in storage until we can look around and see where we want to live. I imagine it’ll be outside the city, probably in Alexandria or Springfield, maybe.”
“What about a new job for you? Have you made use of the glowing recommendations that Deacon and I wrote for you?”
Jenny laughed. “I’ve sent my resume to two hospitals and one clinic. Believe it or not, though, I’m thinking about moving out of oncology for a little while. I know that’s been my passion—helping people who are fighting cancer—and I still want to do that. But maybe I need a break for a little bit.”
“Our kind of work is intense,” I admitted. “Stepping away from oncology for a year or two and then coming back fresh might give you a new perspective—and it might make it possible for you to be an even better NP.”
“Yeah . .” She trailed her hand in the water. “Actually . . . I haven’t talked to anyone but Nico about this, but . . . I was kind of thinking of possibly going back to school to get my degree in naturopathy.”
My mouth dropped open. “No fucking way!”
Jenny snorted. “Yes fucking way. Why? Do you think I’d suck at it? Is it a bad idea?”
“No! I mean, no, you wouldn’t suck at all and no, it’s not a bad idea. I’m just shocked. I had no clue you were thinking about going into naturopathy.”
One side of her mouth tipped up. “Well, I never did until I got to work with this super cool ND who showed me that there are alternatives to how we go about treating patients. She was very good at seeing the whole person, not just the disease, and she was a terrific example to me. I actually kind of love her, and I’d be thrilled if she’d mentor me on this journey.”
I’d known that I was going to cry today when I said goodbye to Jenny, but I hadn’t realized the tears would start so early. “Oh, my God, Jen, of course. I’d love to help you in any way I can. Have you been looking at schools? I can tell you where the best programs are, and I’d be happy to write you a referral for that, too.” I pushed off the side of the pool and slogged through the water slow-motion to hug her. “This is just wonderful. I’m so excited for you.”
“Well, I have to get accepted to a good program first, and then I know it’s going to be a shit-ton of work at the same time that I’m starting out as a married lady, but I think I can do it. Nico’s very supportive.” She giggled. “I told him that if I do this, it means putting off starting our family for at least four or five years. He turned a weird shade of green and assured me that he was perfectly okay with that!”
“Hey, hey. I didn’t turn green.” Nico’s voice floated to us as he came out carrying a tray. “Don’t be making up stories, babe. I believe I said that I wanted you to do whatever makes you happiest, and we’re both young and have plenty of time for babies.” He set down the tray on the nearby glass-topped table. “I believe I also said that gives us plenty of time for practice.”
