“Yeah, I worked late last night.” I unlocked my front door and went inside, Noah following closely behind me. “Why do you have to go to the hospital? Are you all right?” If I could turn this around to focus on him, maybe he’d forget to wonder where I’d been. I cursed the fact that I’d come home in clothes that had clearly been almost torn from my body. I needed to start keeping a pair of yoga pants and a shirt in my car for just such occasions as these. Not that I expected to have any more occasions such as these . . .
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Mr. Zamora from the board of directors asked me to come and tour the new rooms ahead of the party. He wanted to make sure I was happy with everything before they go public with the press releases and shit.” Noah rolled his eyes. “I should’ve made the donation anonymous. Only then they couldn’t have honored Angela, I guess.”
“It won’t be too bad. The music therapy room is spectacular.” I paused by the kitchen counter. “Um, do you mind if I run and get changed really fast? And then I can make us some coffee if you want.”
“The offer for breakfast still stands,” he called after me as I scurried into my room.
“Thanks, but how about I cook us something here?” I stuck my head out the bedroom door. “I’d really rather stay home this morning if you don’t mind.”
“Rough night?” Noah’s voice was arch, but I detected more humor than judgment. Even so, I ignored him and closed my door to strip off my clothes.
Back in the kitchen, far more comfortable in shorts and a T-shirt, I whipped us up some vegan muffins—a recipe I already knew Noah loved—and made coffee. He didn’t ask me any questions while I cooked. Instead, he updated me on Angela’s foundation, on the brutal practices he was enduring ahead of the opening day of football season, and how his parents were doing.
It wasn’t until we were sitting down at my cozy little table enjoying the muffins that he leaned back and pinned me with a stare. “So, Emma. You and Deacon, huh?”
“What?” I nearly dropped my mug. “What do you mean? How did you—what are you talking about, Noah?”
“Babe, don’t do me that way. Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot.” He wagged his head. “First of all, I’ve known all along that you have a soft spot for that dude. Angela might have pointed it out to me first, but I saw how you reacted the day he came home from Slovenia. And I’ve seen how you two spark each other.” He paused a beat. “And when I bent down to kiss you in your front yard, you smelled like him.”
“What are you, a bloodhound or something?” I pushed back from the table, tossing my napkin onto my plate.
“No, I just have a highly developed sense of smell.” He smirked. “Also, Em, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to look at you in those clothes you had on before, the way you were walking, and figure what you’d been up to last night.”
I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “Okay, yes. You caught me. I slept with Deacon last night.”
“I’m thinking sleeping didn’t have much to do with it,” he snorted.
“Ha, ha, ha. You’re so droll.” I shot him a withering look. “But look, Noah, seriously, last night was the first time. I mean, the first time since—since you and I—since Deacon came back from Europe, I mean. Nothing was going on between us while you and I were dating.”
“Emma, please. That thought didn’t even cross my mind. I know you, and while you have your faults, just like we all do, cheating isn’t one of them. You’d never do that to me.” He picked up another muffin and tossed it whole into his mouth, adding as he chewed, “Plus, look at me. What woman in her right mind would step out on a guy with a hot rockin’ bod like mine?”
I laughed. “Well, you’ve got a point there.” Resting my elbows on the table, I propped my chin in one hand. “What am I going to do, Noah? Am I making a huge mistake?”
One of his large shoulders rolled. “In what way? In turning your back on me? Probably.” He winked. “Okay, let’s be serious. I’m assuming you’re having jitters about hooking up with Deacon again. What exactly worries you about that?”
I considered his question. “I guess I’m scared he might leave again, even though he swears to me that he never will. And maybe that we’ll mess up our professional relationship. If that happens, we both know who’s going to lose her job and her reputation. It’s always the woman who gets the shaft in those situations, while the man walks away smelling like a rose. Usually getting pats on the back from the other guys.”
“Do you really think Deacon would let that happen to you?” Noah crossed his arms over his chest.
“No.” I shook my head slowly. “No, you’re right. Deacon is conscientious to a fault about defending the people in his life, and he’d never let me take the blame for anything that involved him, too. On the contrary, he’d be more likely to sacrifice himself for me.”
“Uh-huh. So that’s one worry you can let go.” He brushed his hands as though disposing of imaginary dust. “What else?”
I fidgeted. “What if I’m only attracted to him because we fight so much? I was thinking about it on the drive home. What’s wrong with me that I get off on the two of us arguing? Am I a weirdo?”
“Yeah, you are.” Noah nodded gravely. “But not about that. Em, do you only like being with Deacon when the two of you are at odds? Is that the only time you really enjoy him?”
I thought about this morning, when Deacon had been playful and teasing and how much I loved that side of him. “No, it’s not. I love it when he’s relaxed and funny. We have such a good time together. When we were dating before, we could talk for hours about things that interested both of us—and even about things that only fascinated one of us. He listened to me go on and on about plants and natural supplements, and I let him explain all the details about his work with No Hungry Child. I didn’t even fall asleep once, either.”
“Good for you.” Noah grinned. “So I think we can cross that one off your list, too. Anything else?”
My forehead drew together. “There’s got to be something more, right?”
“Emma, babe, I don’t think so. Now don’t get me wrong—even the best relationships have their ups and downs. No one’s perfect, and no love story is perfect, either. All of them have times when the other person is driving you nuts, or you can’t stand the way they chew, or they’re depressed about something that just doesn’t seem that important to you. But you get over it. You both move on together.” He folded his hands behind his head, regarding me with fond amusement. “You want to know what I think?”
I tossed up my hands. “Sure. Lay it on me, big guy.”
“All righty, then.” He settled in his chair. “I think, Emma Carson Baldwin, that you are afraid of loving Deacon. I think you’re afraid to be in love, because you’re worried that you’re going to give up control of your life. I think you’re scared of loving Deacon so much, because it makes you vulnerable. And I think that you’re in danger of talking yourself out of being in love with him because you’re chicken shit.” He shook his finger at me. “Don’t do it, Em. Don’t walk away from the man you love because you’re frightened. It’s scary, yeah. True love is scary as hell. Take it from one who knows.”
