“Love was frightening for you?” I couldn’t imagine that. Noah had loved Angela with the kind of reckless abandon that usually only happens in movies and romance novels.
“It wasn’t before, but sure as shit it is now.” He stared down at his hands on the table in front of him. “Before, when Ang and I started out, we were too young and dumb to know how wild love can be. We were too clueless to realize what we had and what we stood to lose. But now?” He wagged his head. “Now I know. Now it’s terrifying. Because I know how much I’d stand to lose if I gamble again. I know how much it hurts.”
I reached across to take his hand. “But you were willing to take that risk with me.”
His eyes flickered up to my face, and I saw a reluctant sheepishness there. “Yeah. You know, though, Em, the thing is, I’ve had a lot of time to think since the day we decided that we’re not dating anymore. And what I’ve decided is that you were right. We weren’t meant for each other in that way. I love you like my best friend, which I hope you’ll always be, but you know when you said I was your safe choice? Maybe you were mine, too. It’s possible that deep down, I knew there was a limit to how much I could love you—a safe amount, not a scary amount. Does that make sense?”
“It does, and I think I should be insulted, probably,” I laughed. “But I understand. I’m glad you figured that out, Noah.”
“Me, too. Makes me feel a hell of a lot better about being dumped,” he agreed cheerfully. Tugging his phone out of his pocket, he glanced at the screen. “Shit. I need to head into town. Mr. Zamora’s waiting to give me the official tour.” He grimaced and pushed his chair back, standing up. “Thanks for breakfast, babe.”
“Thank you for being the voice of wisdom I needed to hear this morning.” I wrapped him in a hug. “I love you, Noah. I’m so glad you’re my friend.”
“Yeah, you’re damn lucky, babe, because I’m a catch of a friend.” Noah kissed my cheek and patted my ass. “Now get some sleep, woman. You look like crap, and you don’t want to go to work like that.”
“Gee, thanks. I appreciate the boost.”
“Always, darlin’. Catch you later.”
I walked out onto the porch with him, watching him open the door to his truck. “Noah!” I called, and he paused, glancing back at me.
“I hope that someday, you find someone who makes you want to be brave enough to fall in love again.”
He lifted his hand in acknowledgment. “Me, too, babe. Me, too.”
11
Deacon
When I walked into the hospital about an hour after Emma left my house that morning, I definitely was feeling lighter than I had all week. The problems I’d left here the day before hadn’t gone away—at least, I assumed that Ted was still in his room, trying to terrorize my staff—but I had a better outlook on everything in my world.
Amazing what getting laid can do for a man.
It wasn’t just the sex, though thank you sweet Jesus for that because it had been incredible. No, I decided, it was mostly the reconnection with Emma, talking with her and feeling as if we’d finally managed to bridge that break that I’d created when I’d taken off for Slovenia. Suddenly, the future held more possibilities than it had for over a year.
I’d just gotten to my office and shrugged off my suit jacket when Mira knocked at the open door.
“Good morning, Deacon.” Our head nurse was holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hand as she lingered in the doorway.
“Hey, there, Mira!” I grinned at her. “How’re you today?”
“Uh, I’m just fine, thanks.” She regarded me with one eyebrow raised. “You’re certainly in a better mood today.”
“I guess I am.” I moved the mouse on my desk to wake up my computer. I needed to check overnight updates on my patients before rounds.
“Hmmm. And I bet I know the reason for that.”
“I’m sure you . . . what?” I heard what she’d said finally and jerked my attention back to her. “You do?”
“Well, yeah.” Mira nodded. “It’s got to be a tremendous relief. Right? I mean, after waiting and holding back, even knowing what your natural instinct would be.”
“Uh . . . yes?”
“And then when you could finally do what you really wanted, when you’d given yourself permission to let go . . . that would make anyone a happier person. I think so, anyway.”
“Ah. Well—”
“I bet you slept like a baby, too. I knowIalways do after something like that. It’s cathartic, I think.”
