"I could."
"No, Nate, you can't," I say firmly. "I'm not going to stand in the way of your career just to see you." My heart hurts as I say the words.
"Maybe you're worth it, Evie."
"No," I say firmly. "I..." The words are there for me to tell him that I think I love him, but I can't make myself say them.
"You?"
I shake my head. "I can't." I look out over the castle courtyard, trying to make sense of the thoughts in my head. "I wish you didn't have to leave, but I can't ask you to stay."
The expression on his face is hard to read, but it breaks my heart all over again.
A whistling sound breaks through my thoughts, followed by a loud bang and a light that fills the air.
"The fireworks," I say.
"I'd completely forgotten," Nate's voice cracks, revealing emotions that I don't dare ask about.
"We should watch them," I say, gesturing to the edge of the balcony.
He nods, watching as the next firework whizzes into the air.
The loud bang causes another shower of sparks and a loud hiss from my dragon in response. Her wings are raised, and she looks as if she's on edge, ready to attack something.
"I think she's scared." Worry worms its way through me, almost chasing away the hurt.
She's shivering, the sight making my heart hurt.
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd like the fireworks," I tell her. "They have them in Shengda." Though now I'm saying that, I realise that she hasn't been there since she was an egg.
Ember looks at me with wide eyes.
"Come on, I can take you back inside," I say, disappointed and relieved that I need to go, especially when there's so much more that needs to be said between me and Nate.
But maybe it's for the best. He's still leaving in a few days, whether I want him to or not.
Ember climbs onto me, her claws clinging so tightly they start to pierce through the fabric of my dress.
"Careful," I tell her, while still wrapping her closer to my body. "I think I need to get her back to my room."
He nods, seeming a little disappointed, but I don't know if that's just how I want him to feel, given the situation. "Will you be down in the kitchens tomorrow?"
"Of course." I meet his gaze so he knows that's the truth. I may be hurting right now, but that doesn't mean I want to ignore him for the rest of the time he's here. I want to make the most of it now more than ever.
Chapter 20
I head down to the kitchens, trying not to think about how it felt the last time I came to say goodbye to Nate. Somehow, it's going to be worse this time. Except that it's not somehow. I know exactly why it's going to be worse this time. I'm in love with my best friend, and I can't tell him that.
I take a deep breath. I need to pull myself together, but I know there's no way for me to do that with the farewell ahead of me. He deserves a proper goodbye, and not me being a crying mess.
The kitchen staff mostly ignore me as I make my way through to the kitchen, which feels strange. Then again, they have probably barely registered that the Wafeland staff are leaving today.
I stand in the doorway of the kitchen and blink a few times as I take in the sight of Nate baking. His sleeves are rolled up, and his apron is tied around his waist, as normal. It doesn't look like he's getting ready to leave.
He looks up and sees me, a smile spreading over his face. One that doesn't look like he's sad about leaving me. Is it because of what I said the other night? We've seen each other since and things are more or less back to normal, but I've been playing the moment I told him he couldn't stay for me over and over in my head, wondering what I could have done differently.
"Morning," he says.
