“No. I bought a six pack of gluten-free wine coolers,” Drew volunteered, a total lie on multiple fronts. “Need one?”
“Are they vegan and alcohol free? Nevermind. Can we get back to the movie?” Tank sounded resigned.
“Not yet, we haven't finished discussing the effects of the horses. It is possible horse meat would be the next super meat, especially if it has a lower carbon footprint than beef?” Avigayle kept the conversation going. Which was hilarious since Roan understood the Mollas kept kosher and would have never eaten any part of a horse.
“That's an interesting line of thought to explore. We could create an algorithm that measures perception of the emotional connection to horses if they were replaced. Would we feel less empathy for them and be more open to them as new meat if audiences understood the 'horses' were never in any peril?” Yeshi added more fuel to the fire.
“Let me guess, you're a vegan firefighter,” Tank said, living through what had to have been a different ring of hell.
“Nah, I'm a computer security specialist,” Yeshi didn't actually deny the vegan part.
“Explains a lot. Desk jockey.”
“He wasn't always behind a desk. My hunny-bunny was in Sayret.” Avigayle might have been able to give Clarissa a run for wide-eye innocence.
“Oh.” That shut Tank up. He, like Roan, recognized Sayret as one of the Israel Defense Force's black ops commando units. If the man wanted to talk about empathy for real versus fake horses, it wasn't because he was a data loving wimp.
“So, baby, what do you think about horses being consumed by humans instead of having legitimate jobs in movies?” Willow asked.
It took Clarissa pinching his leg to cue him in that the question was for him. He was the only one who hadn't participated in the conversation.
“I believe Willow makes a good point.” His neutral comment earned another pinch, informing him he needed to do better. “Maybe we should ask the horses how they feel?”
That must have been a satisfactory—though crazy—answer, because Clarissa patted his dick instead.
“Are you serious?” Tank was dumbfounded. “What drugs are they mixing in the water here? You think we should get the opinions of the horses?”
“Why can't he be serious? Horses are very intelligent,” Willow said. “Humanity has always underestimated the neurological processing power of non-human organisms. We shouldn't assume all creatures that aren't homo sapiens aren't sentient.”
“If that were true, we wouldn't grow them on farms to ride them or eat them in this CGI future,” Tank huffed at her.
“You mean enslaved on farms.” Willow grabbed at the popcorn bowl like she was about to throw it at Tank.
“I agree with Willow. It's great that she's advocating to question the status quo of free choice.” Clarissa stood and intercepted the bowl before violence occurred. “Right, Roan?”
The two roommates had turned to face him, devilish twinkles in their eyes. Was this what the roommates were like when they were together outside of the hospital? No wonder Clarissa kept hustling out of their house.
And this might have been why Simone had refused to come. She took a hard line on the sin of lying, and he couldn't tell who was suffering more—him or Tank.
Effective on both fronts, though he knew it was a show. Tank, however, would universally hate Willow by now, thus guaranteeing he'd avoid any interaction with her in the future.
Which meant Roan had to be all in too. “Yes. I've learned so much from dating her. I’m so lucky.”
Since they hadn't opened the presents yet, he had a growing suspicion the ladies were just getting started. Underestimating them would be a very poor idea as Tank was about at his own peril.
CHAPTER 22
Tank made a gagging sound in the back of his throat. Clarissa ignored it and clapped her hands. “I wanted to thank all of you for coming on week night. Mollas, so great you found a babysitter for the ten kids and your three llamas. It has to be tough.” She handed the popcorn bowl to Roan and went over the loveseat - to give them elbow bumps?
“What the fuck?” Tank didn't get it.
“Language.” Willow said, “They take the channeling of emotion through physical interaction very seriously.”
Clarissa wasn't done. “And it means a lot to me that you Lillian and Sean took time away from your in-house Rattus norvegicus rescue charity.”
She actually gave them a hug, and Roan wondered if Tank caught what nonsensical verbiage she'd used. Judging by the bulging of Drew’s eyes, he understood that Clarissa had congratulated them for rescuing sewer rats.
Then she did something that would irritate Tank to no end. “Drew. Such a great friend to do all the shopping. You've been so supportive of me, always there for me as a shoulder to lean on or to hear me out.”
