She gave Drew a huge hug that lasted too long, and he participated without complaint.
Yep, it would piss Tank off. Honestly, it annoyed Roan too, even if it was all an act.
“Maybe we should have presents and cake.” Roan got up, ending the embrace.
“Great idea!” Willow hopped up, looped her arm in his, and led everyone to the table. “Presents first.”
There were five presents on the table and Roan noticed none of them had cards. Either they’d come that way or Drew had removed them when he’d gotten the popcorn.
Clarissa reached for the small box that would have been from Roan, and Willow said, “Pick the brown one. It has negative vibes.”
So Clarissa opened Tank's gift, which contained pepper spray, a rape whistle, and a retractable self defense baton. “Great. Exactly what I hoped for.”
“It's from me,” Tank said.
“With energy like that, it would be,” Willow commented from Roan's side. Tank noticeably tightened his jaw, containing his ire.
Willow didn't stop Clarissa from opening a yeti water bottle for call nights from the Mollas and a true old fashioned film camera from Lillian and Sean. These were actual gifts that showed they knew Clarissa well and their affection was genuine.
Unlike when Willow directed her to open Roan's gift. “This one's from the two of us.”
“This is so pretty.” Clarissa removed two delicate pieces of jewelry. “I needed a tennis bracelet and a necklace.”
That was one way of interpreting the gift. They were actually an anklet and belly chain, specifically ordered in her favorite colors of turquoise and pink. Roan had intended for them to be part of the next time she wanted to be slave-princess to Thulsa Doom. The jewelry was small enough for her to wear under her scrubs, a secret indulgence.
Based on her slight blush, she was thinking along the same lines.
“It's exactly what you need to find equilibrium in your chi. The aquamarine to balance the calm of your divine femininity and pink calcite to bring your chakra empathy.” Roan had to give Willow credit for her ability to improv the most interesting explanations on the fly.
Tank had remained silent through this, and Roan caught Willow and Clarissa exchanging exasperated looks as she picked up the last package.
This particular gift was supposed to be from Simone, Willow and peripherally Drew. However, based on process of elimination, Drew was now solely responsible for the gift's contents.
Clarissa peeled away the turquoise wrapping paper for a clothing box... and a silky pink robe inside.
“This is gorgeous. Oh, and it has a thong!” Clarissa exclaimed. “I can't wait to try it on.”
Poor Drew who was trying to maintain any semblance of composure. He must not have been aware of the hand grenade disguised as what could have been a gag gift from her roommates.
Predictably Tank started shouting. “Did you actually buy my little sister lingerie?”
Willow had a ready comment. “I wouldn't consider it lingerie. It's more of a friendly gesture between friends, like a spa package.”
Tank lifted the robe. “Only if the friendly gesture says 'I want to fuck your sister!”
Clarissa held up one hand. “Tank, It's okay.”
“The hell it is!” Tank was moving toward Drew.
Roan debated restraining him because it was very possible Tank would kill Drew. On the other hand, the women seemed determined to continue this farce, and he didn't want to salt their game.
Yep, Willow calmly stood in front of Drew's (wisely) retreating form. “I don't see how you have a problem that Dr. Crozier is a sufficiently enlightened man who isn't afraid to encourage a female friend to embrace her inherent matriarchal sexuality.”
“Key phrases is sexuality. That's the problem!” Tank raged.
“The true issue here is your excessive amount of testosterone and toxic masculinity,” Willow said, condensation dripping off every syllable. “I think if you started some meditation, a few hours crystal therapy, and got in touch with your true vegan feminine self, you’d be better off.”
Tank looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel. “Yeah, you are absolutely, totally batshit crazy.”
