Cam’s eyes flutter open, and fuck, I can’t stop myself from reaching out and brushing one brown curl away from his forehead. Cam smiles, his eyes soft as they look at me with affection that is painfully platonic. What I wouldn’t give, though.
I could love him better.
I let the traitorous thought sit for a moment before pushing it out of my mind. “Thanks again, Bobo.” My hand slips down, cupping his face as I watch those amber eyes. His mother’s eyes. I won’t tell him that, though. They’re brighter and filled with more warmth than that woman ever had.
“What are friends for?”
He places his hand over mine still cupping his cheek, and my heart begins to thrum irregularly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Bo.”
It crosses my mind to joke, but the wit has left me completely, sharing the same space, the same air, as the boy of my fucking dreams. Pain. This shit is painful, but I don’t care. I’d do it a thousand times over because he’s my best friend, and at the endof the day, I love him more than anything and anyone. “Same, Cam.”
Chapter 2
Cam
Sunlightnudgesmeawake,and it takes a moment to remember where I am and why. For a second I think the weight on my chest is Siena, like it had been most mornings for the past six months. Six months. My longest relationship gone, just like that.
I don’t have time to be upset, though, as I blink my eyes into focus looking down at Bo’s face pressed against my chest—arm slung over my stomach, knee dangerously close to my balls. His mouth is parted open and yeah, yup, there’s the drool.
How can I not smile? So much for the pillow wall.
One point for me.
Warm puffs of air graze my nipple as he snores, my skin heating with each soft caress of his breath. I don’t move him—I have to pee, but I don’t want to move just yet—and instead Ismooth the hand of my arm he’s cocooned under down his spine. I feel lighter. Happier. All day it’s like I have to wind myself tight. Don’t be so excitable. Don’t be so goofy and loud. Stop talking so much. With Bo it’s like my threads unravel. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than me when I'm with him.
Bo settles my soul in a way I haven’t yet replicated with anyone else. Believe me, I’ve tried! Hard. Too hard, maybe.
I thought I’d found it with Siena.
Okay brain, don’t go there. Not now. Not with Bo’s body tucked in my arms. I’m so upset. It’s not the first time I’ve been cheated on, but it’s the first time I’ve gotten this far with someone. I let Siena see me—the nerdy, the clumsy, and sometimes the dumb parts of me. Okay, I’m not dumb, I’m just . . . I don’t know. My brain freezes sometimes. Bo calls it thought paralysis, but I don’t know.
What I do know is that Siena saw parts of me I haven’t shown anyone else. Except Bo. She laughed at my jokes, and watched anime with me. She played video games, and we just had a good time. The sex was fire. She was a great cuddler. I am clingy, and she didn’t even mind. Everything seemed so great.
I gave up my apartment to live with her and now I’m back at the starting line. Yesterday we got into a small fight. It was dumb. All I wanted to do was hang out with Bo for a bit. I know she didn’t like hanging out with him. She used to say she felt like a third wheel, and I get it. The few times I tried to hangout all together was weird. I’d planned to come to his house after work because I haven’t really had one-on-one time with him lately.
I felt like shit about our fight. So instead of seeing Bo I wanted to surprise her after work with her favorite flower. I didn’t realize how damn expensive orchids are. Who spends a hundred dollars on one flower? Anyway, she’d been a bit weird lately. Distant. I don’t know. I thought it may be because she told me weeks ago that she loved me, and I . . . I don’t know. I like her . . .a lot. Something in me hesitated, though, and I know she’s been upset ever since. Even if she told me it’s okay.
Anyway, I went home to surprise her, but I was the one surprised finding one of the guys I’ve seen around the gym face down between her thighs. I stood there in the doorway watching them for a moment before reality sunk in. She fluttered her eyes open and screamed . . . which made me scream. I don’t know why. Not really proud of that, but I did. Then I ran out the door, breaking the world’s most expensive flower on the way out.
And I ran to Bo’s. To his house, to his arms, to his safety.
I blink.
Then blink again. I refuse to cry! I’ve cried enough. Fuck, I hate being angry. Why can’t I just fly into a badass rage like most people do when they’re mad? Nope, I fucking cry, because I’m a loser.
Bowen shifts in my arms, hugging me tighter, and a few locks of silky black hair fall in front of his eyes. It’s longer than when I last saw it. My fingers itch, and I reach toward him to lift a couple of strands. Warmth spreads along my chest, and my eyes dart over his face as I just enjoy this for a moment.
Damn he’s a cutie. His small nose is pointed a little at the tip, and his pouty mouth is soft now with sleep. He plucks his own eyebrows and it makes me cringe when I watch him do it. They look nice, shapely and neat. He’s got one tiny mole under his right eyebrow, another dotting his chin.
I swallow the clog of tears in my throat. How can I be upset with him in my arms?
I comb my fingers through his black strands, watching each one fall back obediently like a silky curtain. He doesn’t have to do shit to it to make it look like this. I have to put so much product in my hair just to keep my curls from frizzing, but it’s like his hair falls into line at his command. I feel his knee slideup, and I wince as he just grazes my sac—no harm. I pull him tighter against me.
Goodbye stupid pillow wall, hello Bobo cuddles.
I close my eyes, breathing him in. He’s warm and smells like pineapple. I don’t know why he was so worked up last night, but it’s better sometimes to let Bo work through his ideas than to stop him. Once his mind latches onto something he needs to see it through, and he wanted to build that stupid pillow wall, so I let him. I knew it would end up being demolished. There’s no way cotton and fluff can keep us apart.
The only downside to Buddles—Bo cuddles—is that he’s not a sound sleeper. He moves so much it’s funny, and maybe if I didn’t sleep like the dead it would bother me more. We used to do this all the time, but this last year something has shifted between us. I don’t know what, I just know I don’t like it. Bo’s been a little closed off . . . distant. Or distant from me. We text every day, play games together online, but when I ask to see him he’s always busy.
