“You know what this has been like for me? I’ve watched you fall in love with people over and over. People who do not deserve you! When they all end, because theyalldo, where do you go, huh? Where do you always end up? Now you’re giving me a taste of what it could be like, and it’s killing me.
“I can't take this anymore. I want to give you everything you deserve, but you’re still keeping me at arm’s length. Even now! I thought you were straight and I let that be, but now you’re messing with my heart.”
“Bo, I didn’t know—”
“Of course you didn’t! You’re too busy being in love with everyone else!”
He stands, looking at me, and he sways a little. Or maybe that’s me. “What do you mean? How was I supposed to know? You never—”
“You can’t be that dumb.” As soon as the words slip I regret them.
I try to apologize but I can’t.
I’m too upset. His eyes gloss, but it’s like my mouth is glued shut. Maybe it’s the shame in my words as it squeezes my lungs. I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here. I feel like I’m going to puke.
“Bobo—”
“I’m done, Cam. Done.” I turn, running up the stairs, knowing I just ruined everything.
Chapter 24
Cam
HowdidInotsee it?
Bo’s right. I am stupid!
I’d gone my entire life without craving him, and now I can’t stop. Up until a few months ago I never even saw him that way—at least, I don’t think I did. The worst part is the sadness in his eyes.
My brain hurts.
Bowen’s confession hits me right in the stomach. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. How could I not have known that’s how he feels about me?
Cold realization hits, slices, and stings.
How many times have I brought girls around him? How many relationships have I flaunted, and how many dates has he helped me get ready for? All while he was in love with me.
I’m going to be sick.
I fold in on myself, burying my head between my knees. I can’t believe I did that and he just let me. He let me hurt him. He was there for me every single time. What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m so stupid. So stupid!
These last few months have been amazing, and he . . . fuck he felt that way the whole time. I gave him a piece of what he’s always wanted, while I was running in circles trying to figure myself out. And he let me.
Because he fucking loves me.
Really loves me.
Bo is the definition ofif you love them let them go.What have I done?
Instead of chasing after him, what did I do? I came out here in the dead of winter to freeze my ass off on the enclosed porch out the back. It’s not too bad out here, the room is insulated enough.
My brain is working overtime trying to make sense of this. I’m replaying every single thing that’s happened between us. The truth is, I’m always happiest when I’m with Bo. I always run back to him, back to his bed, and to his arms.
Maybe . . . maybe I just didn’t get it. Maybe I didn’t think deeper about it because it’s just us. It’s how we are. Fuck, I can’t . . . I can’t handle this. I can’t believe how much I must have hurt him.
Then I think about the things we’ve done—the piano, the shower last night, the way he kissed and tasted me. I’ve never had it that good before. Bo knows me, knows my body in a way I’ve never felt before in my life. Bo and I just fit in every way, so why was it so hard for me to accept that we’d fit in this way too?
