ROB:Current standings as of week six, Seth: 188 Lana: 184. The gap is slim, but Seth maintains his lead.
TESSA:Can you believe you guys are more than halfway through? Time is flying!
COREY:@Lana, thank you for holding back on speed-dating details in the group chat because that article was a wild ride and I am here. for. it.
LANA:Thanks! The pickings out there, they are slim.
JAMES:@Seth, how are you holding up after the loss of Tinder?
SETH:It’s been strangely freeing.
ROB:Oh shit, does that mean you’ve already defeated the final boss? Did you find someone with long-term potential?
SETH:It’s a little early, but things are going well, and I can see this one going the distance.
LANA:You’ve been spending that much time with Jessica? With everything else that’s happened?
TESSA:Maybe that’s a conversation that should be had in private.
COREY:Yeah, we don’t want to hear about long-term potential, we want to hear more about Harry and Sally, the cutest fish on the planet.
SETH:I just wrote a whole article about them.
LANA:I still say a fish is cheating.
SETH:It’s not my fault you weren’t specific.
As a writer, you should know how important words are, and yours were ambiguous.
LANA:Maybe it has nothing to do with my words and everything to do with you looking for the easy way out. You’ve done it before.
SETH:Easy way out? Is that some kind of joke?
LANA:Come on, Seth, you’ve always gotten everything you wanted in life. You’re the golden boy.
SETH:That’s rich coming from you. I’ve never had anything handed to me.
LANA:Wow, you’re really going to throw my mother in my face right now?
JAMES:Whoa. Guys.
SETH:I would never do that.
And I can’t believe you would even think I would.
COREY:In the words of@James, I think it’s time to get a room.
21
So imagine my surprise and shock and terror when I came home one day to find my houseplant, whom I have been lovingly caring for, completely wilted and dead. Luckily, after a little research, I realized this particular species just needs lots of love and attention. Like more attention than any girlfriend I’ve ever had. God help me.
—Seth Carson, “It’s a Jungle Out There”
Seth:Please tell me you were not serious about that.
Lana:What am I supposed to think when you basically call me a spoiled brat?
Seth:That’s not what I said and definitely not what I meant.
