May makes a face, and I know what she’s thinking. Who wants to move across the country to go to college only to spend the whole time talking on the phone to your long-distance high school boyfriend?
Apparently, Seth felt the same way.
“By the end of the third week, he called me and told me it wasn’t working. That he had thought he could handle thedistance, but it was just too hard.” I swallow the thick lump of tears that’s lodged itself in my throat. “He didn’t even make it a month before throwing away four years together. And he never would’ve had to if he could’ve just gotten over himself and taken what was offered to him.”
“I had no idea. I mean, you definitely were quiet those first couple of weeks, but I just assumed you were shy. And then, what was it? A month or two later you were dating Joey and it got serious so fast.”
I grimace a little, thinking about my college boyfriend. We didn’t have much in common, but he asked me out after we were paired up on an English lit project and he seemed nice enough. When I learned he had a huge family who lived nearby, I kept agreeing to date after date. Before I knew what had happened, we were exclusive and it didn’t really matter if I didn’t love him like I loved Seth because he was a companion, and he came along with a whole family for me to hang on to.
May clears her throat, drawing my attention to her face, which is fixed in anI’m going to say something you’re not going to likeexpression.
“What?” I ask with trepidation.
“I know that the way he went about it led to heartbreak and tears and some serious relationship issues for you down the line, but did you ever stop to think about the deeper reasons why Seth broke up with you?”
I give a half-hearted shrug. “I mean, he told me why. He couldn’t handle the distance. I didn’t really get much more info than that, and I never really wanted to.”
She clasps her hands together under her chin. “Did younever consider that maybe he thought he was doing the right thing by ending it? That you needed a push to go out on your own and live your best college life without feeling as if you were tied down to someone thousands of miles away?”
“Are you telling me you think Seth dumped me for my own good?” The moment I say the words, I can’t help but consider their possibility. It’s exactly the kind of thing Seth would do. But it doesn’t soothe away any leftover stings. For starters, it’s too late for that. It’s also a decision I should’ve been able to make for myself.
May shrugs. “I don’t know him like you do, but I’m just saying it’s possible. Yeah?”
“I guess anything is possible.”
“And if he didn’t really want to break up with you, but he did it for your own good, and then years down the road decided to move to the same city as you and find a job connected to the website you write for, then maybe therearesome lingering feelings there?” Her voice rises to an almost hopeful pitch, which is maybe the most disconcerting revelation of the day, that May would be hopeful about lingering romantic feelings.
This time my laughter is forced and fake. “I don’t think we need to go that far. Besides, he had the perfect opportunity to act on those ‘lingering feelings’ two years ago and he most definitely did not partake.”
May knows enough to not go down that path, but her stern look does plenty to convey her thoughts on the subject of the reunion. “And what about your feelings, LP?”
“A part of me will always love Seth.”
“Then wouldn’t it be fair to assume a part of him will always love you?”
I can’t even consider the idea. “He’s dating someone else now. And regardless, he rejected me—twice. Besides, weren’t you the one telling me to enjoy being single?”
She gives me another one of her patented looks. This time it says I’m completely full of shit. “Would I ever stand in the path of true love?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
She looks around for something to throw at me but, coming up empty, punches me in the shoulder instead. “You are my best friend and I want you to be happy, bitch.”
I grab her punching arm and pull her into an awkward hug. “Same. And I am happy, promise.”
It’s not a total lie, though certainly not a complete truth.
22
In the words of the great Cher Horowitz, “ ’Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.”
—Lana Parker, “Feeling Down? Share the Love!”
I’m not really sure what to expect when I check in at the small arts center in Eagle Rock, reporting for my volunteering duty. All I was told is I’d be talking with some teenagers about writing, that I should dress comfortably, and to bring a pen and some paper. I’d be lying if I said I was 100 percent excited for this. In theory, I’m looking forward to volunteering, but I’ve never done anything like this before and my nerves are roiling. Public speaking has never been my forte; I much prefer the chance to write down my thoughts and process them before putting them out into the world. And something tells me a group of teenagers isn’t going to be the easiest of audiences to open up to.
I adjust my Ripped Bodice bookstore tote bag on my shoulder and give the woman at the front desk my name and a smile. She informs me my “counterpart” is already inside and directs me to a small classroom down the hallway.
Seth is indeed already waiting inside, wearing fitted jeans and one of the button-down shirts we bought during our shopping trip. This being LA, it’s warm outside and only fractionally cooler inside the old building, so he’s rolled up the sleeves. Of course he has. He’s talking with a man who looks to be in his midfifties, tall and tan with salt-and-pepper hair.
