Seth meets my eyes when I enter the room, giving me a timid smile. “Here she is.”
I wave awkwardly, as if stepping foot inside a classroom automatically sends me back to my teenage days, when I was always shy and a little weird. “Hi.”
The man comes over to shake my hand, introducing himself as Frank. “I was just telling Seth about the plan for today. We have a group of teens coming in who have all expressed interest in pursuing some sort of writing-related career field. We asked them to bring a sample of their work, and the two of you can decide how you want to utilize your time together.”
“Wow. Okay. Great.” I don’t know why the thought of being in charge of a room full of teenagers is the scariest thing I have maybe ever faced, but I was hoping for something with a bit more structure. Someone to tell me exactly what to do and what to say.
Seth jumps in, noticing my discomfort. “I was thinking we could split them into smaller groups, have them share their work, and give one another feedback. And then maybe we can do a Q and A at the end if we have time.”
I let out a small sigh of relief. “Yes, that sounds great.”
Frank gives us both a wide smile. “Perfect. I’ll let youtwo get settled, the kids should be arriving in a few minutes. Let me know if you need anything.” And with a salute, he heads out of the room, closing the door behind him.
And then it’s just me and Seth. Alone in a classroom. Oof, the flashbacks. The press of Seth’s arm against mine as he leaned across our shared table in science. Holding my hand across the aisle when we had a movie day in history and our teacher wasn’t paying attention. Stolen kisses as we edited the school newspaper, staying hours after class ended with just our work and laughter and junk food from the vending machines to keep us company.
A wave of warmth cascades over me, washing away any lingering tension or anger, leaving behind only the fuzzy nostalgia of what was. And maybe a hint of what could be.
Seth clears his throat. “So we’re almost to the end of this thing.”
I blink away the memories and I wonder if he notices the flush in my cheeks. I’m instantly curious about whether he had the same kind of flashbacks, if he’s ever thought about the two of us and any kind of future. I set my bag down on one of the student desks, riffling through it so I have an excuse not to look at him. “Just a few more tasks left.” I hope he notices how I conveniently don’t address my plans for what’s remaining, since even I’ve been avoiding them. Mainly the one-night stand, which has been looming over my head since day one and is my own damn fault for insisting it be on the list. “How’s Jessica?”
“Jessica?”
I look up just enough to catch a confused frown on his face.
Which he quickly schools into something more smirk, less frown. “Oh yeah, she’s great. We’re great.”
“Great.”
Seth perches on the edge of the teacher’s table at the front of the room, his pen tapping against his thigh.
I look everywhere but at him, inspecting the linoleum floor and the various posters on the walls with such intensity they might as well be shirtless photos of Sebastian Stan. I can’t help but replay my conversation with May, can’t stop myself from wondering if she’s right about Seth’s motives for breaking up with me all those years ago. But even if she is right, does it matter at this point? Because yes, Seth is here. Yes, there might be lingering feelings. And yes, there’s definitely still attraction. But he’s with someone else, and I, for once in my life, am figuring out what it means to be on my own. Figuring out who I am without a man, and I’m actually liking what I’m finding.
I force myself to look at Seth. Not just at the physical attractiveness on the outside but at everything underneath. My ex-boyfriend, my first love. The things he was, but also the things he is now. A colleague, and a friend.
His eyes meet mine and he holds my gaze, almost as if he can see everything happening inside my brain. And maybe he can. Maybe he still knows me well enough so that we don’t need words.
The door to the classroom opens and Seth and I both swivel our heads toward the sound, and our first student.
“Is this the room for the writing class?” a young girl asks with more than a hint of trepidation.
I give her a warm smile, or at least I hope it’s warm, giventhe total black hole of my feelings at the moment. “You’re in the right spot, come on in.”
Over the next ten minutes, a group of fifteen teens trickles into the room. Some of them clearly already know each other, and the room fills with the sounds of laughter and gossip, and that general lightheartedness and excitement that comes from being a young person experiencing something new.
Once they’ve all found their seats, Seth looks at me for a nod of confirmation. He’s always been better at public speaking than I am, so I let him take the lead.
“Hi, everyone, welcome. My name is Seth Carson, and this is Lana Parker. I’ll let Parker introduce herself, but we’re both writers, and we’re really excited to be here today.” He gestures for me to take the metaphorical stage.
I join Seth at the front of the room and give another one of my awkward waves. “Hi. Like Seth said, I’m Lana Parker, though most people just go with Lana.”
“She always used to hate it when I called her Parker,” he interjects like we’re some slapstick comedy duo.
I roll my eyes but pair it with a smile. “I write forAlways Take Fountain, which is a lifestyle website dedicated to all things LA culture. I grew up in Connecticut, and I’ve loved writing ever since I was a kid. In high school, I wrote for the school newspaper and had a couple pieces published in the literary magazine.”
“She was the editor of the lit mag, and coeditor in chief of the newspaper, actually.” Seth nudges me with his elbow.
“Though really I did most of the work, since this guywas my partner.” I don’t mean to fall prey to Seth’s schtick, but the habit comes back too easily. “Anyway. I moved out to LA for college and graduated from USC with a degree in journalism. I interned atATFmy junior and senior years, and luckily they hired me for a full-time job when I graduated. I’ve been a staff writer with them for the past eight years.”
