Not that I’ve thought about him much in the five years since we broke up.
We were together, inseparable for three seemingly blissful years. Three years that saw us each sign with our respective agents and experience the agony of going on submission for the first time. A submission process thatwent very differently for each of us, even though we both ended up landing at the same imprint.
SVP was the only offer I got for my romantic comedy.
Nick’s contemporary romance went to auction, where he had basically every publisher who prints romance fighting for his debut novel.
And as soon as the ink was dry on his six-figure, multibook deal, he dumped me.
Like I meant nothing to him. Like I’ddonenothing for him.
Despite sharing a publisher and a borough, I’ve managed to avoid running into him since.
But if I say yes to this presenter gig, if I do the thing I know I should to keep me on my publisher’s good side, I won’t be able to avoid him any longer.
Me:I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can stand onstage in front of our peers and say nice things about Nick Matthews and his dumb books that AREN’T EVEN ROMANCE.
Kennedy:Can you say no?
Me:I don’t think so. Sonia made it seem like she expected me to say yes. And so does the pub team.
Alyssa:It won’t be easy, I know, but you can do this, Jess. I know you can!
Kennedy:If the choice is between saying yes or pissing off your pub team, I think you should say yes.
Kennedy:Even though you know it kills me to give that man an ounce of credit.
Me:It might kill me too.
Alyssa:It won’t! What if I fly up to be your plus-one? I can hold your hand and make sure there’s a cocktail waiting for you the moment you step offstage!
I think about drawing this out, telling her she doesn’t need to do that just for little ol’ me. But we both know where this is going, so why waste time?
Me:That would be amazing and I would love you forever.
Alyssa:Yay! It’s been way too long since I’ve seen your face anyway!
Me:Thank you for talking me off the ledge. Please be prepared for many more breakdowns over the next few weeks.
Kennedy:That’s what we’re here for.
I swipe over to my email app, knowing I shouldn’t delay the inevitable. The longer I put it off, the more likely I am to chicken out. So I open Sonia’s email and send her a brief response:I will do it, but I vow to hate every second.
She responds a few minutes later with a thumbs-up emoji.
I flip off the stupid yellow phalange before making my way back to the front of the coffee shop. Luckily, the early afternoon crowd is beginning to pack up and head out. For the rest of the shop’s operating hours, it will mostly be quick to-go orders, people grabbing a drink on their way to a show or a gig.
I take over for Josie at the register just in time to greetone of my favorite customers. Hilary is witty and polite and always leaves a good tip, so basically she’s a unicorn. I pour her two large black coffees, scribbling a cute holiday greeting on both cups before ringing her up.
Once Hilary is out the door, I check my phone again, but no other messages have come through. Saying yes to this presenter gig didn’t magically get me a new book deal, not that I really thought it would.
“Everything okay over there?” Josie has begun cleaning up the coffee counter, getting ready to close up.
“Yeah. Just found out I have to do a writing thing I really don’t want to do, but my agent tells me it’s going to be good for me in the long run.”
Josie snorts. “Why do agents always promise shit like that?” Josie isn’t a writer, but like most baristas in Brooklyn, this is her side gig while she tries to make it in the theater world.
“To keep us from completely spiraling?”
