“Can you come like this?” he asks as his hips move faster, mine rolling up to meet his every thrust.
“I don’t know,” I pant. I can feel the orgasm building deep in my belly, but penetration alone isn’t usually enough to get me off.
Before I can say anything else, Ben flips us so he’s flat on his back and I’m on top. His hand slips between us and he strokes my clit with his thumb. His other hand reaches for my nipple, pinching and plucking just on the borderline of being too much. My head falls back as the combination of sensations overwhelms me. My hips rock over him and he hits me right where I need him.
“Fuck, Ben, I’m going to come.” I can barely get the words out, but I want him to know, want him to feel just exactly what he’s doing to me.
“God, Cam, yes, let me feel you come on my cock.”
It’s his words that send me over the edge. I tighten around him as the orgasm moves through me, a slow burn of an explosion unlike anything I’ve felt before. My movementslows and stutters, but Ben grabs my hips, thrusting deep inside me until his own orgasm overtakes him a minute later.
He rocks his hips while we both ride out the aftershocks. Then he sits up, wrapping his arms around my back and burying his face in my neck. “How was that even better than I ever imagined it could be?”
I laugh, stroking his slightly sweaty hair back from his face. “It was for me too.”
We kiss for a few more minutes, Ben’s hands smoothing soothing circles over the bare skin of my back. Finally, he lifts me from his lap, disappearing into the bathroom for a minute to dispose of the condom before coming back to bed.
“Will you stay here tonight?” He pulls me into his embrace.
I haven’t slept over at his place before, and he’s never slept at mine—we both knew what would happen if we spent the night together when we weren’t fully comfortable with taking our relationship to the next level. But nothing sounds better than waking up tomorrow morning in Ben’s arms.
I nuzzle deeper into his chest. “I would love to.”
Despite the truth in my words, there’s also a little fear hidden deep inside. What if trading those three little words with Ben, or taking things all the way, really was the missing link? What if I wake up tomorrow not in Ben’s bed but back in my apartment? What if when that eventually happens, Ben is nowhere to be found?
There are no guarantees here, and I want to refuse to let my doubts dampen what we just experienced. But I can’t seem to stop my mind from racing after Ben dozesoff the minute he closes his eyes. All this time, I thought I was brought to Heart Springs to learn some kind of lesson. Like how not to be a totally horrible asshole of a person who goes around destroying people’s businesses. Like how to actually care about someone other than myself for a half a second.
But what if I got it all wrong? What if I didn’t come here for a lesson, but a punishment? I can think of no greater punishment than losing Ben now that I’ve finally learned to love him. It would be a fitting way to pay me back for all of the terrible things I’ve said and done to people over the years. Classmates and colleagues. Interns and associates. So many people have been victims of my casual carelessness.
I need to reach out to a lot of people and apologize, honestly.
But will any of that really be worth it if Ben isn’t by my side?
Ben stirs, turning over on his side and forcing me to turn with him. He tucks himself behind me, making me his little spoon. “Everything is going to be fine, Cam,” he mutters, his breath tickling my neck.
“How can you know that for sure, though?”
“I don’t know for sure, I just have to believe it.” He kisses the slope of my shoulder. “It would be a cruel world to bring you into my life only to take you right back out.”
“Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but the world is just that cruel sometimes.” I’m that cruel sometimes—or I was anyway—I think but don’t say.
He adjusts the covers, tucking me back into their warmth. “It’s okay if you don’t believe it right now. I’ll believe it enough for the both of us.”
“Ugh, you’ve really got to stop with the sap. I just threw up in my mouth.”
He chuckles, but it’s laced with sleep. “Charming.”
“You know it.” I wiggle a little. “Also, I’m never going to be able to fall asleep like this. There is such a thing as too much cuddling.”
He doesn’t offer more than a muffled grumble.
But a few minutes later, still wrapped firmly in his arms, I fall asleep.
26
There’s a minute when I wake up the following morning that I think I must have found my way back to New York. There’s no sunshine beaming through the curtains and I’m definitely not in my Heart Springs bedroom. It isn’t until Ben tugs on me, pulling me tighter against him, that I remember where I am and what happened the night before.
A shiver of heat runs through me as the memories flood my mind. The warmth spreads through my veins as the sexy times fade to the background, replaced by the sweet memories, the declarations Ben and I both made to each other.
