We were so close to… something. Commitment. A future. Then he had to go and shatter it by asking me for the one thing I swore never to compromise on. Damn him for getting my hopes up. Damn him for making me fall for him. Damn him for making me want him and no one else.
Town is full of tourists right now, menandwomen all looking for a good time, but I can’t even find the desire to look at anyone much less contemplate sharing a bed with them. I know it’s cliché, and I hate myself for even thinking it, but I have a nagging suspicion Axel ruined me for anyone else.
Love really is a bitch. Even when I didn’t let it control me, it threatens to ruin everything.
Did I screw up? I forfeited one future for another, but was that wrong? I’m not sure how it could be seeing as I kept a promise I madeto myself. Yet that promise never made me feel as empty as I do now, which makes me wonder if it would’ve been better to break it.Too late, Lennon. What’s done is done.With a heavy sigh, I retreat inside to get ready for the rest of the day, knowing it’s futile to keep asking that question.
Once the parade is finished and the crowd breaks up, people start to trickle in for lunch. Blake, Ryder, and Deacon take their usual spots at the counter and order beers, though by the look of it, Ryder’s already had his fill. I wonder briefly if I should refuse, but when I realize he looks how I feel, I make a mental note to monitor him and set a pint in front of each of them.
Beck rushes in having finished his float duties and stands next to me behind the bar as he ties on his serving apron. “Is it weird that after herding all those littles around serving tables feels like it’ll be relaxing?” he asks me.
“Not to me. Then again, you all keep telling me it’s not normal to like work as much as I do.”
“You’re right, I should ask someone else.” He jogs off to where the guys are sitting at the end of the bar to pester them with his philosophical musings. It almost brings a smile to my lips.At least someone is happy around here.
Behind the bar I zone in on work, mixing and serving drinks on autopilot as the comfortable hum of half a dozen conversations fill my ears. I don’t really hear them, I just know they keep the silence away. Which in turn, keeps my mind from conjuring up memories of Axel. It’s an effective way to keep the heartbreak at bay, until suddenly his name is echoing around me.
I spin around, searching for the source only to realize it’s coming from behind me and over my head, filtering from the TV mounted behind the bar.
“After an incredible start a few weeks ago, reigning champ, Axel Olsen, floundered, failing to finish his last competition,” an announcer says.
“That’s right, Teddy,” another man agrees, “and that’s a big deal because each event counts toward your overall score. Last week’s low score ate into his comfortable lead, and another poor showing will force him to claw back from behind.”
“That’s uncharacteristic for Axel, isn’t it? He’s typically a consistent rider.”
“Well, everyone has good and bad days, but you’re right Teddy, a bad day for Axel typically means a score in the high eighties, not the high sixties.”
The camera cuts to Axel, sitting on his bike as he waits his turn, and though I’ve only ever seen him in this position once, I can easily tell that his posture is different. Rigid when it should be relaxed.
“Worried about your boy?” Blake’s voice jerks my gaze from the TV.
“He’s not mine.” I spin away from the screen and start washing glasses to keep my hands busy.
I catch Blake’s eyebrows lift from the corner of my eye. “You sure about that?”
“Yes, actually. I’m sure things between us have run their course.”
“I disagree,” Deacon pipes up.Shit, I thought he was too busy ogling the table of girls across the room to be paying attention.“If he was done with you, his riding wouldn’t be suffering, but it is.”
“The announcer just said everyone has bad days.” I take the order ticket one of the servers hands me.
“He also said Axel’s bad days are the equivalent of a good day for other riders.” Blake smiles coyly.
“He did not say that.”
“Not in those words, no. But that’s what he meant. We watch enough of these competitions to know.” Deacon gestures between him and Blake. I look to Ryder for support, but he’s staring vacantly at the screen.
“Don’t pin Axel’s successes or failures on me.” I fill a pint glass with beer and set it on a serving tray.
“Are you saying there’s no correlation between the fact that he pulled off the highest score in the history of the sport while you were there with him?” Deacon scoffs.
“Do you even know what correlation means?” I snap.
He shoots me a wounded look. “Just because I dig dirt for a living doesn’t make me an idiot. I spent four years in college to earn a piece of paper that says I’m pretty good at it.”
“Sorry.” I run a nervous hand through my hair. “I just don’t like you guys accusing me of messing with Axel’s career.”
“We’re not accusing you of anything.” Blake shakes his head solemnly. “Wearesuggesting that he seems off, and the timing of thatcorrelateswith you coming back here.”
