“And your point is?” I reach for a cocktail shaker just as one of my servers places a full drink on the bar.
“This was supposed to be a lager, not an IPA.” She bites her lip and blinks at me.
“Shit.” I set the full glass in front of Blake and put a lager on the girl’s tray.
“The point is,” he continues, “I think you had a bigger impact on him than expected.”
“Even if that’s true, I can’t do anything about it.”
“Can’t, or don’t want to?” Blake’s challenge makes my breath catch in my throat.
“Why are you guys on my case about this?”
“In case you haven’t noticed.” Deacon points at the beer sitting in front of Blake. “You’re off your game, same as your boy.”
“I messed up one drink,” I grumble, reaching for another order ticket.
“That’s just as rare for you as his low score is for him.” Deacon tips back the last of his beer and holds out his glass for a refill. I snatch it with an eye roll and fill it from the tap on the wall before turning my attention to the next order.
“And here we go, Axel Olsen is ready to take his run.”
“Hey man, remember Axel? He’s up.” Blake nudges Ryder and points at the TV. Ryder’s eyes seem to focus slightly, as if he’s reaching for a memory he can’t quite grasp. Then he nods his head a fraction.
I follow his gaze and stare up at the screen just in time to see the first jump. Axel twists in the air so his body is closer to the ground than the bike itself, for a second anyway, then he rights it and lands cleanly on the downslope of the jump.
The rest of the run flows much like it did when I was there, but on the last jump the bike wobbles so bad on the landing that he’s forced to hop off it sideways before it topples over. I slap my hand to my mouth as soon as I realize he’s in trouble, exhaling slowly as he throws his helmet down and seems to walk in circles without any pain.
“Fuck.” Ryder surprises me by speaking, something I haven’t really heard him do since he lost his brother. Then the empty gaze is back as he holds out his glass for a refill.Maybe just one more.
“Does that mean his season is over?” I look to the guys as I give Ryder his drink.
“Not necessarily, but it’ll be hard to win the whole thing if he doesn’t figure out how to stay on his bike for a full run by the next event,” Blake says.
“Well, he’s a pro, so I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I say, not knowing if I’m trying to convince Blake or myself.
“It doesn’t work like that.” We all spin to face Ryder, mouths hanging open.Has he been paying attention this whole time?
“What doesn’t work like that?” I set my hand on his arm and crouch lower to try to meet his downward cast eyes.
“Grief. You can’t just decide not to feel it. And it’ll trump his love of riding until it goes away. If it ever does.”
Of all the times in my life I thought my heart would beat out of my chest, none compare to the heavy thud pounding inside me right now.
“Ryder, like I said, Axel’s a pro,” I insist. “Even if he misses me, he wouldn’t let that interfere with his career.”
“Told you it doesn’t work like that,” Ryder mumbles. “Time doesn’t wait.”
“I think that’s our cue to get him home,” Blake says to Deacon, who nods in return.
Deacon wraps an arm around Ryder’s waist and helps him to the door while Blake fishes for his wallet.
“Don’t.” I wave him away. “It’s on the house.”
Blake nods and starts to go, then turns back to me. “You know, just cause he’s drunk as shit doesn’t mean he’s wrong.”
“I know, I know. You already said Axel’s off his game. Obviously, Ryder agrees.” I wipe my forehead with the back of my wrist, mopping up the anxious sweat I can feel gathering at my hairline.
Blake shakes his head. “Ryder doesn’t think Axel’s off, he thinks he doesn’t care anymore. There’s a difference.”
