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“Honey, that’s what I’m trying to say.” She holds my face in her hands, sliding closer so that we’re only inches apart. Her nearness after I thought all was lost— I want to clutch her close in my arms but I still don’t understand. Then she finishes, “You don’t have to do penance.”
“But I must! There must be a cost!”
“Why?” She looks at me as if I’m crazy. “I care about you. You care about me, I think.”
I nod my head vigorously.
“You weren’t trying to hurt me. It was a misunderstanding. We’re talking about it, and now I know you feel bad. You’ll try not to do it again in the future, right?”
“Never,” I declare.
She lifts an eyebrow. “So you’re perfect? You’re never going to make a mistake ever again?”
This feels like a trap. But I won’t make the same mistake twice, of comparing her to Draci females. “I don’t understand,” I say carefully, unsure how to navigate these waters.
“No, you’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes. We’re only hu—” she breaks off and smiles. “I was going to say we’re only humans, but you know…”
She leans in and kisses me. Her lips feel like the bliss of a fire after a long brutal day on the ice.
I move my mouth against hers and she opens to me. I scent her and she is the most heady mix of sweetness, a hint of chocolate, and Ana. My tongue tangles with hers and within a few moments, I harden beneath her.
She laughs and pulls back from me, her beautiful cheeks coloring pink. “Not here,” she says breathlessly.
I stare at her. She means it. This forgiveness she spoke of. It has made it as if my transgression never was. I shake my head in wonder.
“You are wrong, my Ana,” I breathe out. “You are perfect.”
I meant to make her happy but new water films her eyes. “Ha. Tell that to my father.” She climbs off of my lap and back into her seat in front of the wheel.
Why did my words make her leave me? I want her back in my arms. I want to bury myself inside her to feel this forgiveness of hers, to reassure myself that she’s is not planning to send me away.
But my selfishness and stupidity is what brought us here in the first place, so I focus on her words.
“Then drive us back to your father’s house and I will tell him this,” I state firmly.
She lets out another half of breath, eyes going to the ceiling of the car. “It’s not that simple. It never is with him.”
“What did he say to you when you spoke? You seemed upset.”
“It was just more of the same bullshit I’ve gotten my whole life from him. Why can’t I be more like my sister? Why didn’t I try harder at college? Why am I such a loser?” She winces even as she speaks the last words. I don’t understand all of what she says but I see she’s wounded. Her father’s words cut her, and then I cut her further when she was already bleeding.
I don’t know if I believe in forgiveness because I certainly cannot forgive myself so easily.
“What have you lost?” I ask. “You are strong and brave. And you should not be like your sister.” I grimace even remembering the encounter. “She is colorless and false and breakable as a twig.”
Ana laughs out loud at this, a real laugh this time. “Oh my God. I think that’s the best description of Alicia I’ve ever heard. Though you should know, a lot of guys on Earth find that whole skinny as a twig thing sexy.”
I frown, incredulous. “Where are her teats?” Draci females might not have them either, but I’ve become very fond of them ever since discovering Ana’s. “And how can she bear young when she is so insubstantial? I saw her bones sticking out from her skin.” I shudder to think what one such as her would feel like in the bed cloths.
“You really didn’t like her?” Ana asks.
Does she doubt me? “Of course I did not like her. Do you think I could like anyone who is cruel to you? She reminds me of the cold Draci females from my planet.”
Ana goes quiet and I wish so badly I could be in her head with her. “You said the other day that the Draci women became so cruel because they couldn’t have children and it made them bitter.”
She looks over at me and there’s fear on her face. “What if I can’t have children, Ezo?”
“Don’t say that. We have only just begun and—”
“But what if I can’t?” she says louder, looking stricken. “Don’t you get it? I know why you guys are here. You need new Draci babies. But what if there’s a problem with me? What if I can’t get pregnant?”
