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“Because I’ve only ever said that to one person and she’s done nothing but hurt me my entire life!” Startled by the anger in her voice, she covered her mouth. He was cornering her emotionally and she didn’t like it. He seemed undeterred.
“I’m not your mother. I would never use you the way she does.”
“You don’t know that. You’ve known me for less than half a year, Lucian. Marriage is supposed to be forever. I’m too much of a cynic to believe in such things, and you’re too much of a realist to consider a man like you marrying a girl like me feasible.”
“Stop referring to yourself as some sort of anomaly. You’re just as good as everyone else. Fuck the past,” he hissed and took her hands in his. “I love you,” he whispered. “I know you love me too, whether you admit it or not.”
“I’m sorry.”
His expression slowly darkened and his eyes narrowed. “Marry me, Evelyn.”
Was she talking to a wall? “Lucian, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. It’s a simple yes. You agree to be my wife and we get married. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or even this year, just say yes and when it’s time we’ll say vows. I won’t rush you. I promise. I just need to hear you say you’ll be my wife.”
She’d never seen this desperate side of him before. It threw her. He was being irrational. “That isn’t how it’s supposed to be, Lucian. Listen to yourself. You are asking me to promise my life to you.”
“Fuck how it’s supposed to be! And I know what I’m doing!”
She jerked back. “What’s wrong with you?”
He ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “Nothing. Everything. Fuck!”
She flinched. “Maybe we should go to bed.”
“No!” He grabbed hold of her wrist, startling her. Next thing she knew he was on his knees. “Evelyn Keats, I love you. I promise to always be faithful to you, take care of you, honor you with every bit of my being far past my last breath, so long as you agree to be my wife. Will you marry me?”
She didn’t know if she should cry or be scared. Was he having some sort of episode? “Lucian, you’re starting to freak me out.”
He reached in his pocket and withdrew the box. His hands shook as he removed the ring, letting the box fall to the floor. He gripped her fingers and moved to slide it on her finger. “Just let me put it on your finger. It’s only a ring—”
She jerked her hand away and stood. “No! What’s gotten into you? Lucian, you’re moving way too fast and you aren’t listening to a word I say.”
She stepped around him and stormed to the door.
“Evelyn, wait! Please, don’t leave. I just . . . I . . . would you please just wear the ring? For one month, that’s it. Then you can throw it away for all I care. We won’t call it an engagement ring. It’ll be just another piece of jewelry you wear. One month.”
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Unable to listen to any more, she turned.
“Goddamn it, Evelyn, I can’t let you say no! I know you don’t understand, but I need you to wear this ring. I’m fucking begging you.”
He was a stranger, sitting there on the floor, desperation making his eyes wild. She didn’t understand what was happening, but she knew, no matter what, that ring was never going on her finger after this display. Something was going on here and she had no idea what, but she wondered if Lucian was having some sort of breakdown.
“Lucian.” A tear rolled down her cheek. She was truly concerned for him. “I don’t know why you’re acting like this, but I am not going to marry you. I’m not ready. And frankly, neither are you. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever get married.”
“Evelyn,” he said slowly, his gaze on the floor. “I know all you want to say is no right now, but let this be one of those moments when you trust me to decide what’s right for us.”
She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t accept her answer. There was something behind his insistence that wasn’t adding up. “I’m sorry, Lucian, I can’t.”
His expression tightened. “You gave me your word you wouldn’t tell me no.”
“In bed! I never promised to sign over my free will! Now, stop this. My answer is no. I’m not discussing it anymore. I have a headache and I’m going to bed.”
“Evelyn . . .”
She had every intention of walking out the door without turning back and letting him cool off, but something in his voice stopped her. She turned and didn’t know what to make of the uncertainty showing in his eyes.
He swallowed. “If you won’t take this ring, we . . .” His head shook. “When we return to Folsom . . .”
