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“Thank you, Mrs. Andrews.”
He stuffed the letter into his pocket and departed. On the walk home, unable to suppress the desire until he was in the privacy of his library, he halted on the side street and tore into the letter.
Dear Tobias,
I can see now the marriage I had desired is not to be realized—one of mutual regard and the deepest of admiration. It would be quite easy to render all blame to you, but I cannot. I contributed to the distaste you currently feel for me and may forever endure. I’ve brought unwanted scrutiny and scandal to our family’s name with my bold and inappropriate behavior, despite knowing how much you abhor public scrutiny and aspersions. I hope you will eventually forgive me. I dearly wish I could change and conform to the expectations of society, those of the dowager countess, and even the ones you have. But I cannot bear the notion of living in a union so permanent and not acting as my true self but as a shadow of who I am.
I love you, most ardently, a state I am unsure will ever dissipate. It was clear to me that my sentiments were not returned and that you in fact wished me very far from your presence. The contempt I espied in your demeanor broke my heart, and I must leave until I no longer care that you see me as your inferior. Even if you cannot love me, I would wish for you to respect me as I am, admire me as I
am, and enjoy me as I am. I do vow I will do all in my power, if the situation arises, to act with the proper deportment of a countess and never bring shame to our family name again. I fear I am acting the coward in fleeing before you banish me to either Scotland or your estate in Jamaica to only return upon your goodwill.
Perhaps in time there will be civility between us and we can live in relative friendship like in most marriages of the ton. Until that time I will leave you be and explore the world, the rolling hills of the countryside, the great sights of Paris and Vienna, and perhaps even the Rose Cottage again. I will return to England eventually, for I’ve been told every lord is in desperate need of an heir and I know my duty. I cannot bear living with a man who dislikes the heart of me. I know I must return…but for now I need the space to stop loving you.
I can only hope when I do return, whether it is weeks or years from now, that we will have a pleasant and amicable marriage.
Your wife,
Livvie
A swell of emptiness rose inside of him, expanded and filled every crevice of his being. His wife had left him. God’s blood.
He forced himself onward at the sound of several footsteps behind him. The words of her letter replayed in his mind until cold, blessed numbness replaced the hollow, empty feeling.
…
Five days later, Tobias wondered if he should make a report to the runners of his countess’s disappearance. He’d sent grooms and messengers to his various estates across England and Scotland and she was not in residence at any of his properties. She had vanished with no report as to when and how.
Where would his wife have gone? With what money? Was she safe? No one was missing save her maid, along with one of his swordsticks and a pistol, and her packet of books. The fear he had been suppressing reared its head viciously.
God, please…let her be safe. Where are you, Olivia?
He spent the days writing and the nights prowling the house, hoping she would reappear. It tormented him that his wife was out there, alone, hurting, and with no knowledge of how much he truly admired her.
A fist slammed into his side, and he hardly flinched from the pain, instead he danced away on light feet from the jab aimed at his eyes.
His brother halted on the mat, panting. “You are distracted.”
Tobias inhaled, stripping the thin leather straps from his hands. “Is it safe to say our sparring is done for today?”
“I give up,” Grayson snapped, throwing his hand in the air. “I have held my silence, but in good conscience I can no longer do so. What in God’s name is going on?”
Tobias rotated his shoulders and went over to the table and grabbed a towel and raked it over his sweating skin. He and Grayson had been sparring for some time now. Tobias’s muscles ached and sweat ran in rivulets down his forehead, but he still wanted a more strenuous activity. Peace seemed to elude him. All he could think about was Olivia. It infuriated him that he was so weak. Were these the emotions his father felt for Mother, the ones that led him down his path of ruin?
“Why do you believe something to be amiss?” he demanded, as he and Grayson left the room and headed to the library, where he entered and sank into the high winged-back chair near the window, uncaring of his sweaty body.
With a scowl, Grayson dropped into the seat opposite Tobias. “You have been in Town now for three full weeks without your countess. Every effort I have made to enquire about Olivia has been thwarted. And now all I have been hearing of in the clubs is ‘the Quarrel.’ Bets have been placed in the books at White’s as to how long it will last for. Good God, man, I would never have imagined you to be embroiled in a scandal of such magnitude and seem so…so…unperturbed.”
His brother sounded flabbergasted, a state Tobias would admit he had been in since his wife left him. He felt hollowed even admitting it to himself. Tobias considered his brother. “My countess is not your concern.”
“Something is bloody well my concern. Do you think I have not noticed that you have hardly slept for the last few days? You’ve holed yourself up in the library, writing for hours on end. Dozens of callers are turned away every day. Does ‘the Quarrel’ have anything to do with the fact that Lady Blade challenged your former mistress to a duel? Olivia has been declared an original for her boldness and has become the rage. All the ladies of quality are banding together to form a society, a women’s club of sorts to protect their husbands from the harlots in society. It’s anarchy. The other lords are blaming you for not having a firm hand on your countess and all the ladies are celebrating her actions.”
A tight feeling twisted in his chest. “The ton is simply looking for fodder for the gossip mill.”
“This is more, brother. As a countess, Livvie has the potential to be a powerful force in society if they accept her. It is quite shocking to admit Livvie is more of a celebrity admired by women of all walks of society. There was a piece in the Gazette, which reported on the designs she wore her hair in weeks ago and the fashionable styles and bold colors she wore. It was humorously remarked that her eccentricity should have warned your mistress of your wife’s temperament.” Grayson frowned. “And the rampant rumors that you lifted her from the ballroom last Friday night and vanished with her?”
“It happened.”
Grayson’s eyes widened, and he gaped. “Where is my brother and what have you done with him?”
