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“You heard nothing but the foolish utterances of a misguided friend offering advice that was unwarranted. I would never betray you.”
“I saw your face!”
He faltered.
“You craved. You needed more...and it was not me who you thought of.”
His jaw visibly flexed. “It was you,” he snapped, a fierce storm brewing in his eyes. “Every lascivious thought and image that crowed my damn mind when Percy spoke was of you, us. You have been interred in my mind and heart for over two years. I assure you, wife, no one can replace you. I met you at a ball two years and three months past and you did not notice me. But you were imprinted in my heart, your smile, the sweet way you laughed, the habit you have of tucking your hair behind your ear when you are nervous. In the months I waited in agony that you would deign to notice me, I’ve never had a lover. You have been my only lover since I saw you, and it offends me that you believe so little of my character you think I would ever dishonor our vows.”
Thick, fierce tension swirled around them.
“And you thought so little of my character you never thought to speak with me about the things you find lacking,” she said hoarsely.
He flinched. “You are a lady, Fanny, I...I...I am rough in my ways and coarse in my needs.” A rough groan of frustration issued from him. “And we are giving it more weight than it needs. I was not born a lord with genteel ways, but I am not a goddamn animal. I can control my needs.”
Something inside her seemed to break, crumbling to pieces, and dissipate. "I find nothing repulsive about you," she said. "I cannot perceive you would believe it. I do not care that you were not bred into refinement, I quite admire that your hard work and dedication procured your wealth." She closed her eyes. "The fact a mistress was suggested to you...." She blushed, and she hated her reaction. "You discounted that discontent, but you cannot. It will break you down and make you miserable. And it hurt deep down here." She pressed a hand above her racing heart. "That I do not make you happy, as for how you've made me."
He was before her in two strides, cupping her cheeks, tilting her face to his. “Do not be foolish. You made me the happiest man when you consented to be my wife, and you’ve not disappointed me once. The need for more I have is sexual, and I promise you that can be ignored and never be brought up again.”
Liar. She knew what dissatisfaction with her lot in life felt like, and how it could rob one of sleep and happiness. “Our marriage is forever,” she whispered. “Do not dismiss the things you desire because of the misguided belief that as I am a lady, I will collapse from mortification. I need to be able to trust in your honesty with me always, Sebastian. If you honor me as you claim...I need to see all of you so that I can love all of you.”
He hesitated a long moment before replying, “I do not want to make love with you in the silent hush of darkness with curtains drawn.”
She smiled tremulously. “I can do that.”
“There’s more,” he said, curious heat shifting in his eyes.
“Yes?”
“I want you to give me the opportunity to make love to you unreservedly. If you do not enjoy it, I promise I will respect your choice and nothing you say or do can ever diminish the regard I have for you, Fanny.”
“Tell me,” she breathed.
"I want to see all of you. I want to love you in the nights and the days. I want to spread you wide and lick all over. I want to be sweet and gentle, but I can also be rough and demanding."
Fanny’s heart beat a too fast tempo. She licked her lips, and he slid his thumb over her bottom lips.
“I want these lips to suck my cock with tight pulls.”
She stared at him, confused, mortified, and then the full image unfurled in her mind. Oh God. A shock of heat tore through her and between her legs ached. She pulled away from him and pushed a loose wisp of hair behind her ear.
He smiled tenderly. “There is no need to be nervous.”
“And you’ll not think me vulgar?”
Anger fired in his eyes. “A woman’s passion is never vulgar. It is honest and beautiful, what society calls wanton, I call sensual. Whoever has told you that nonsense deserves a bullet.”
“And what you did that first night...when you placed your mouth on me there, you’ll want to do that?”
The hunger that flamed in his eyes had her stepping away from him warily. She found herself holding her breath. He made no advances and she slowly relaxed.
“Let’s take a walk in the gardens, sit outside and read. We need not speak of this anymore,” he said softly.
“I am dusty from travel. I will take a bath and meet you within the hour?”
He nodded, and her throat ached at seeing wariness in his eyes. He left her room, closing the door gently. An odd sense of shock tore through her and an awareness flowered. He truly believed her refined sensibilities would never allow her to be the sensual creature he craves.
Fanny collapsed onto her bed, hugging a cushion to her chest, fighting against the ache pressing against her heart. How little they still knew each other, even though she could feel the admiration he had for her. He wanted to make love with the light...and he wanted her mouth on him. To stand before her husband naked seemed beyond shameless and allowing him such awful intimacy was incomprehensible. The giggle that slipped from her was startling. It hadn't occurred to Fanny that people cavorted so and found pleasure in it. Clearly ladies did not, and their men found mistresses to alleviate their sexual desires. Well, that was what Darcy alluded to earlier and Fanny thought it an outrageous excuse to dishonor vows made before God. She sensed the honesty in her husband when he said he would never dishonor their vows. He’d wanted her for over two years and he had waited.
