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His frame jerked and she slowly stood as he turned to face her. Tears tracked down her cheeks and she did not care if he saw them and thought her weak. “I will never be able to imagine the horrors you endured losing Emma and Nathan. And I don’t expect you to just move on. I expect you to hold them in your heart and keep them there for the rest of your life. But I am not a weak woman that you need to run from, one that will suffer if you are not there. The very fact that you are leaving the ranch shows that you believe I can handle myself, Elijah. I love you and I believe you love me. But you are too much of a coward to reach for what is in front of you.”
She stepped closer to him. “I will be there when the nightmares are overwhelming, and the pain is so much you cannot cope. I will also be there for the happy moments. The joy and wonder of our child, or children. I would never dream of replacing the memories of Emma and Nathan, but allow me to help you cherish the precious ones and
to heal. I am willing to fight the memories, the doubt, the nightmares, and men like Sullivan for a chance of happiness with you. Do the same for me, Elijah, and our baby.”
She bit back a cry as his face shuttered and he walked away without a backward glance. Sheridan remained frozen, pain ripping at her insides. She would have to let him go. She might love him with her entire heart, but it would be pointless to fight for a man who was not willing to let his past go and embrace a new future. She had never felt such pain and loneliness as she did in that moment. She rested her hands against her stomach and closed her eyes. She really might be pregnant. And she would never regret it. She may have lost the battle to win Elijah, but at least she would have his child and a home.
If only her victory did not feel so hollow.
***
Elijah shifted in the saddle, staring into the inky blackness of the night. No stars loomed. He gritted his teeth, dismounted and quickly built a fire. He kept the fire small, using the driest wood. He spread his blankets and bedded down. It was impossible for him to spend the night in the house with Sheridan. For fear he would go to her and do something foolish. Something foolish like telling her to hold him tight, conferring some of her strength and warmth to him.
How could he retreat back to the mountains now? But damn it, how could he have her stay in a place as vicious as the West. Not just Wyoming. Anywhere in the west was not good enough. She needed to go east or sail the oceans and return to her homeland. But he knew he could not do that to her. This was her land. But damn it…he could not stay either.
He had stayed a couple more weeks on the ranch watching for Sullivan’s next move. Joshua had been keeping watch on Sullivan’s ranch and word had slowly filtered into town that Sheridan Galloway was off limits. She was under Kincaid protection. Elijah knew it was more than the beating he’d given Sullivan which had done it. Some of the cowhands spoke of Joshua’s intimidating presence in the saloons in town, and the hints that he had dropped in the right ears. Many a man had scrambled to reassure him that they never knew Mrs. Galloway was under the Triple K’s protection.
With the threat to Sheridan taken care of, the urge to leave had been eating at Elijah’s gut. He despised the false sense of being at home which he felt with her. Her lure was so damned potent, and he knew he needed to move on when he started wondering what the future with her might be like. He only had to wait a few minutes before visions of her raped and broken swam into his head. No, he could not deter her from staying, but he would be damned if he waited around and witnessed her death, baby or no baby.
Emotions roiled in him and he looked at his trembling hands. A baby. His baby. He had been so careful since the night of the cabin. So damned careful always withdrawing from her when everything inside him clamored to be with her completely. But he could not cope with the ramifications of family again. The agony of his loss still felt so fresh to him. Too real even though all those months had passed.
You are a coward.
Her words had stung but he could not hide from them. He was a damn coward. When he’d heard her telling Beth she was pregnant the elation that had filled him had been profound. Then the nightmares had risen and the claws had been brutal. God he didn’t want to hurt her. The last thing he wanted was the pain that savaged her face.
But he did not know how to be the man she clearly wanted and it gutted him.
Elijah’s carpet bag rested on the oak desk in the library. He’d spent the night on the open range despite the bone biting cold. He had needed the physical and emotional solitude to be able to stick to his decision. The sense of loss that he felt was like a rip tearing through his soul. His night had been restless as he fought against his fear. He only needed to reach for all she offered so sweetly and without reserve, and then fight for it. Grabbing the carpet bag, he slung it over his shoulders.
Joshua had been staying away from the ranch because of Beth, so Elijah had sent word to the hotel in town informing his brother of his retreat to the mountain cabin. Elijah grimaced, painfully aware that he lingered. He had packed his belongings and a few books into his carpet bag, but he had still made no effort to depart.
He damned well knew the reason. The coldness Sheridan treated him to in the breakfast room had shaken him. She had neither looked at nor spoken to him. His heart had lurched when she ran away from the table her face green. He’d followed and looked on tensely as she emptied the little she ate into a basin. She’d glanced up and saw him in the doorway, and had only slammed the door in his face.
Hell.
The door opened and Elijah glanced over to see Beth closing it with a militant look on her face. “What is it?”
She inhaled deeply and clasped her hands to her middle. “Sheridan loves you. And if you do not marry her she will endure scorn from everyone in town. They are not stupid. They will realize the child is not Thomas’s own.”
His gut tightened and his heart rebelled against the idea of her being hurt further. “You seemed to adjust fine,” he said calmly.
“I beg your pardon?”
He observed her bloodless lips. “You do fine with a whelp that is not your husband’s.”
Raw fear chased across her features before she masked her expression. “I have no idea what you are referring to.”
She remained frozen and he watched the struggle. He smiled slightly when he realized she had decided to stay and fight for Sheridan despite her unease.
“My child will not grow without my protection. I will always be there for him or her. My family will always be there.” That was the only certainty he knew, in the mess of confusion that lingered inside.
“But that protection does not extend to Sheridan?” Beth asked softly. “You are breaking her heart.”
“There is one thing I have discovered about Sheridan that I did not before. She has the heart of a lion and she needs no man to stand in front of her.”
Beth frowned. “I’ve always known of her strength, but do you really know of it?
Sheridan turned to you out of more than loneliness. She had been married to my brother for a year and he never touched her. It was not in honor or respect for her innocence. It was simply because women were not capable of attracting him.” She lifted her head proudly and continued, “From the moment he brought her West I knew it was for her wealth and I pitied her. Then I began to pity Thomas for he did not comprehend what a truly wonderful person Sheridan is. I don’t know if this is important to you, but she tried to leave him for you.”
