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A desperate need to erase every cubic square inch of air between us came over me. I held up my hand and he took it without hesitation, his much larger one engulfing mine. I pulled him down on top of me. The minute his body blanketed mine, his heat soaking into my bones, all the tension I was feeling gave way to comfort. He settled between my thighs and hugged me, placing his face on my chest, over my heart.
“How do you feel?” I asked, as I brushed his hair back with my fingers.
After a deep exhale, he said, “Better––because you’re here.” The suddenly hard appendage pressing against the inside of my thigh validated that statement.
“I would say so,” I added, swallowing the laughter bubbling up. He looked up sporting a crooked smile I hadn’t seen in ages.
“I missed you. I miss that smile,” I murmured.
Moving with intent, he crawled up my body and kissed me, his hands holding my face in place while he devoured my mouth. A slew of different emotions were on the lips that met mine: passion, relief, love––apprehension. He pulled back and his eyes traveled over every salient point on my face. From my cherry-stained lips, to my eyes filled with love and regret for all the reasons that had kept us apart.
“We need to clear the air.”
“Nothing happened with Caroline. I drove her home because she said her limo was stuck in traffic.” We both sat up on the couch then, side by side. Judging by the expression on his face, he looked like he was about to shatter waiting for my verdict. “You believe me, right?” In his eyes was the indisputable truth. I could always find it there.
“Of course I do. But that’s not the issue, my love.” I straddled his lap and held his face. “You asked me to trust you and I have, I do––but you never gave me yours in return.” I watched him wrestle with those words, arguments coming to the forefront and receding. I knew exactly the moment he capitulated in his mind because his gaze fell down between us, a deep v insinuating itself between his brows. “Stop doing that. I don’t want your shame or regret. I want your trust––and your love.” I lifted his face, forcing him to meet my eyes.
“You’ll always have that,” he quietly replied.
“It didn’t feel that way this past month.”
“I don’t know why I said those things.” He looked away again, his mouth pinching in discomfort, his head shaking. “I didn’t mean any of it. My anger got the best of me. And by the time you left my office, when you came to see me for my birthday, I realized how badly I’d fucked up––” His voice descended to a low murmur. “I couldn’t deal with the look of disappointment I saw on your face.” Closing his eyes, his head fell back on the sofa cushion. “I’m just like her,” he added, his voice ruled by derision. I’d never heard him sound hopeless before that moment. That fueled my temper.
“Your mother? Are you? Because if that’s the case then we might as well go our separate ways now.”
His head snapped back up, eyes wide, a moment of fear followed surprise. Almost immediately it morphed into determination. By now, I knew that nothing centered and propelled him into action quicker than a challenge.
“Give me another chance. You don’t have to move back in––if you don’t want to,” he said, his face twisting in agony on the last few words. “Just let me show you that I trust you. Let me prove it.”
Unconditional love––I never believed in it. I’d always thought it was rubbish. Love was completely conditional on how one person treated the other. I looked into his eyes and I understood it. Apparently I needed the lesson as much as he did. He didn’t have to ask for my forgiveness because he already had it, he didn’t need to prove his trust because I already believed him. Regardless of what happened, I would always love him. Conditions be damned.
“Do you know how I feel about you?” I asked, my eyes trained on every slight nuance of his expression.
“You love me.” His answer sounded more like a question.
“Beyond measure.”
Large eyes full of regret studied me. “After everything?”
“Forever,” I told him, my voice emphatic. “Don’t ever doubt it.”
The wonder in his expression made it hard to say the next few words. However, I knew unequivocally that if I didn’t our marriage would never survive. “I’m not moving back in––not immediately.” Crushed by the weight of disappointment, those impossibly wide shoulders sagged. “You will have to prove it. To yourself, not to me. Otherwise we don’t stand a chance.” Brandy colored eyes connected with brown ones. And after a curt nod, an agreement was reached, a challenge issued.
