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More than likely they were the same things that had him awake hours after they’d made love...twice.
Ian trailed his fingertips over her hip, down into the dip of her waist and back again. Goose bumps prickled beneath his touch.
“Talk to me,” she whispered in the darkened room.
Words that had frightened him on more than one occasion after sex. But this was so different from any other time. First, Cassie was like no other woman. Second, what had just happened between them was so far beyond sex. And third, he actually didn’t cringe as the words hovered in the air between them.
Moreover, he wanted to talk to her. He wanted her to know about his past, his life and what had brought him to this point...and why the thought of commitment scared the hell out of him.
Part of him truly wanted to try for her. Never before had he even considered permanent anything in his life, let alone a woman and a child. Cassie changed everything for him, because she was starting to be everything for him.
Of course, there was that devil on his shoulder that kept telling him he couldn’t just try out playing house with this woman. She was genuine, with real feelings and a heart of gold that she had to protect. If he attempted to try for a long-term spot in her life and things didn’t work out, he would never be able to forgive himself.
“My childhood wasn’t quite as rosy and enjoyable as yours.” The words tumbled out before he thought better of opening up about the past he hated to even think about. “My father was a military man. Things had to be perfect, and not just perfect, but done five minutes ago. When he was home on leave, if I had a chore, I had better get to it the second he told me or I would face punishment.”
Cassie gasped next to him. “He hit you?”
Ian stared up at the darkened ceiling as he continued to trail his fingertips over her lush, naked curves. “On occasion. But it wasn’t a beating. He was old-school and a hand to my backside wasn’t unheard of. But then he came home less and less because he and my mother divorced. That’s when she started bringing her male friends into the house.”
Ian recalled how weird it felt having a strange man at the breakfast table when he woke up, but eventually he didn’t question his mother...and he didn’t ask the names of the men. Would it matter? They’d be gone when she finished with them anyway.
“My mom is currently in the middle of her fourth divorce and I’ve no doubt number five is waiting in the wings absolutely convinced he’s the one.”
Cassie’s arm tightened around his abdomen. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.”
Her warm breath tickled his chest, but Ian wouldn’t have it any other way. He loved the feel of her tucked perfectly against him, her hair falling over his shoulder, the flutter of her lashes against his side.
“Don’t be sorry,” he told her. “There are kids way worse off than I was. But I always wished I had parents who loved each other, who loved me. A family was everything to me when I was younger, but I wanted the impossible.”
A drop of moisture slid down his side. Ian shifted his body, folding Cassie closer as he half loomed over her.
“Don’t cry for me.” In the pale moonlight, her eyes glistened. Had anyone ever cried for him before? “I’m fine, Cassie. I guess I just wanted you to know what I came from.”
Soft fingertips came up to trail down his cheek. Her thumb caressed his bottom lip, and his body responded instantly.
“I’m crying for the little boy who needed love and attention,” she whispered. “And I’m crying for the man who fits so perfectly into my family, I’m terrified of how we’ll get along without him.”
Her declaration was a punch to his gut. The fact that they’d never mentioned his leaving after the film wrapped hung heavy in the air between them. And knowing she not only worried about his absence, but she’d cried over it had him hating himself on so many levels.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured as he slid his lips across hers. “That’s the last thing I’d ever want.”
Adjusting her body so she could frame his face with her hands, Cassie looked up at him with those damn misty eyes and smiled. “I know. I went into this with my eyes wide-open. For right now, though, you’re mine and I don’t want to think about tomorrow, Ian. I don’t want to worry about that void that will inevitably come when you’re gone.”
Her hips tilted against his. “I just want you. Here. Now.”
As he kissed her lips he had a hard time reining in his own emotions, because Cassie was dead-on about one thing.... There would most definitely be a void—the one he would feel without her by his side.
