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“You know, it’d almost be worth it to test that Viagra stuff, just to see if it’d be noticeable if I put it in Hank’s coffee every morning,” one woman introduced as Viv said.
“You mean, slip it to him, like a mickey? But how would you know if you gave him enough?” another asked.
Eileen reached for the dice. “Just keep pouring until the kitchen table starts rising off the floor right over his lap.”
Josie snickered. “Yeah, I can see you explaining it to the doctor when Hank has a heart attack ’cause all his blood’s trapped in his winky.”
“At least he’d die happy,” Diane pointed out.
“Please don’t tell me I have to wait till my husband’s a corpse before I can see him with a decent hard-on again.” Viv poured herself another drink.
When the laughter died down, Kate spoke up. “Have you tried seducing him? Letting him know you’re interested?”
Viv grunted. “Sure. Unfortunately, after he drinks the six-pack of Bud I’ve bought him to warm him up, he doesn’t notice I’ve shaved my legs and I’m not wearing my period underwear.”
Kate chuckled. “I mean it. Sexy lingerie, candles, scented massage oils. Then you tell him you’ve rented a special movie.”
“The only thing he likes is Arnold Schwarzenegger blowing up stuff. Which isn’t exactly my idea of romance.”
“I meant something a little more…titillating.”
“Oh, sure,” Viv said with a groan. “I’ll drive over to Emmitsburg to the Triple-X video store, fight off all the winos hanging around near the nickel booths, and rent some big-boobed-lesbians-in-love flick. Sounds like a real romantic evening.”
“I didn’t mean porn,” Kate explained patiently. “There are erotic videos made for women and couples.”
Hot sellers at Bare Essentials.
“Yeah, but I bet they don’t show penises, do they?” This from Josie who sounded indignant. “I mean, every erotic movie for couples I’ve seen—back when I lived in a town that had heard of such things—is camera-shy below the waist on the guy.”
Kate shrugged. “Is that so surprising? Isn’t the point to get your man worked up—not yourself? I don’t think many men are into seeing the competition, and women don’t need as much visual stimulation, which is why adult movies are geared toward men.”
The women all thought about it. Then Viv sighed again. “You may be right, Kate, and if this were Chicago, I’m sure I could stroll to the neighborhood store to stock up on erotic movies. But this sure ain’t Chicago.”
Her disappointed sigh was echoed by every woman in the room. Right then and there, Kate started wondering if maybe Jack had been right. Maybe, just maybe, opening a Bare Essentials right here in Pleasantville wasn’t such a crazy idea after all.
As the evening drew to a close, Kate found herself one of the last women there. She’d tried to leave earlier, but Eileen had put a quiet hand on her arm and asked her to stick around. Finally, after Diane and Josie exchanged hugs and one last round of man jokes, they said goodbye and left.
“Let me help you clean up,” Kate said, though the room wasn’t too bad. Part of the rules of Bunko night—hostess’s house didn’t get left in a shambles.
Kate helped Eileen take the tablecloths off the card tables and began to fold them. “I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed tonight. I appreciate all of you making me feel so welcome.”
Eileen gave her a sweet smile, which made her gray eyes twinkle. “Katey, I am so glad you’re here, even if you don’t plan to stay—and I guess you don’t.”
She shook her head.
“Anyway, I wish you’da come back sooner. Not that I’m criticizing. Three of my kids left, too. This town can be awfully hard on its residents sometimes.”
“Yeah.” She wondered if Eileen knew how hard. No, Eileen didn’t live on Lilac Hill, but she was married to a nice, well-liked gas station owner, and her beauty parlor, down in the basement, was a hot spot for most local women. So she probably hadn’t experienced the worst Pleasantville had to offer.
