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Why did Trudie sound pissed about that? He’d have thought it would’ve been a good thing in her book. He really, seriously, just didn’t understand the way a woman’s mind worked sometimes—old friend or not. “Yeah. And you’ve never liked her anyway so why are you acting all crazy over that?”
“Crazy?” Her voice rose an octave. Maybe that hadn’t been the best choice of word. “Really?” Okay, no maybe to it. Definitely not the best choice of wording. Note to self—don’t use the term crazy in conjunction with Trudie’s behavior again—even if it did seem spot-on. “You break up with her, don’t even contact me, I’m not even on your freaking radar, but then I show up here and hey, you think I’m some convenient rebound material? It’s not like you went out of your way to find me. It’s just like, hey, why not make out with good old Trudie since she’s handy.”
“Trudie, it’s not like that.”
“That’s what it seems like. No call, no nothing.”
He’d thought about it. He’d actually considered picking up the phone or sending her a text but he’d known she’d be here. He’d known they were bound to run into one another. It had just seemed easier not to call or text, so he hadn’t. Apparently, that was the wrong course of action.
“You just run into me and you think I’m easy because we have history. You can kiss my ass, Knox Whitaker.”
She was so cute with her eyes flashing, telling him off, and he quipped the first thing that came to mind. “I’d like to, I’m trying.”
Her mouth temporarily dropped open and for a second he thought she might laugh, might defuse. Instead it went the other way and her eyes blazed with fury. She opened her mouth, no doubt to rip him a new one, and he jumped in ahead of her.
“Okay. Sorry. That wasn’t funny, I guess. I was just trying to make you laugh.”
“I’m not laughing.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“Stay away from me. Obviously we aren’t going to be the friends we were before and obviously you don’t have enough respect for me to treat me like a woman you’re interested in deserves to be treated. I am not some old shoe you can just slip back on.”
“Dammit, Trudie. I don’t think of you as an old shoe.”
“Then, dammit, Knox, don’t treat me like one. You can take me home now.”
They climbed in the truck and tension stretched between them like taut barbed wire. Even Jessup wore a mournful expression. Once again, Knox knew how he felt.
At last he pulled up in front of the cabin Trudie was staying in. Silently he helped her transfer the greenery they’d collected to her SUV.
He should leave. Instead he lingered on the front porch. He knew now he’d screwed up a year and a half ago. Apparently he was still screwing up. He didn’t want to keep doing it.
He started to put his hands on her shoulders but stopped himself. The truth of the matter was he wanted to touch her too bad and he wasn’t sure that he could simply put his hands on her shoulders without pulling her into his arms again. He shoved his hands in his pockets instead.
“You told me to stay away from you. You also said I’m not respecting you so I’m going to ask you point blank if what you really want is for me to keep away. It’s not what I want. I don’t think it’s what you want. But if it is, then I’ll leave you alone.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle and looked away from him. “You walked out of my life once before. Apparently it was easy for you. It nearly killed me. I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t...I won’t go through that again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He wasn’t sure, but he knew how desperate he felt not to let her go. “I think so.”
“Figure out why you didn’t call me when you knew you were done with Elsa.”
“Dammit, Trudie....” This time he did put his hands on her shoulders.
She shrugged off his touch. “Save it, Knox.”
He knew this mood. It was time to retreat and regroup. He had some things to figure out.
He whistled under his breath as he pulled out of her drive. She’d said lots of things, but she hadn’t said that she wanted him to leave her alone. He still stood a chance.
6
TRUDIE COCKED her head to one side and adjusted the berries in the arrangement. “What do you think?” she asked Merrilee.
They were in the community center at the end of town. The chinked-log building would host many of the Chrismoose events from the cook-off to the Miss Chrismoose pageant. Five minutes ago it had been buzzing with people doing this and that, getting ready for tomorrow’s kickoff. Trudie had spent the afternoon putting together small arrangements for each table.
The scent of fresh greenery perfumed the air and clung to her hands. But it was the taste of Knox’s kiss that lingered on her lips, the press of his hardness between her thighs that left her aching and wanting and so confused she couldn’t think straight. She’d hoped to lose herself in work, but that hadn’t quite happened.
Merrilee and Trudie had the place to themselves now. No doubt, at any minute, someone would walk in the door.
Merrilee eyed Trudie. “I think you’re miserable. You want to talk about it? Of course it’s fine if you don’t.”
Trudie shrugged and stood, then walked over to the window. Lights from the makeshift camp at the outskirt of town punctuated the dark. She felt as if she was about to burst inside but if she started talking she wasn’t sure she could stop.
Merrilee spoke behind her. “Knox?”
Trudie turned to face the other woman. “Of course.” She paused at the table next to the window to tweak the spruce branch around the votive candle to a better angle.
“You know whatever you want or need to talk about won’t go any further than here.” For the most part news spread around Good Riddance like butter in a hot skillet. Trudie did know, however, that Merrilee could keep a confidence.
Merrilee had known both Knox and her since they were children, but she wasn’t family and she wasn’t one of Trudie’s personal girlfriends. She was more of a neutral friend.
Trudie sank into the chair opposite Merrilee and it was like ice breaking on the river during a spring thaw. The words and emotions tumbled out of her. All of it—the hurt, the abandonment, the betrayal, the anger...and the fear.
Merrilee touched the back of her hand lightly. “Oh, honey, I’ve watched the two of you over the years and I’ve known you were in love with him for a long time.”
“You did? How could you know when I didn’t?”
“Sometimes we’re too close to our own situation to see it clearly.”
“That’s a little mortifying. I’m sure half the town knows, too. So, is everyone watching to see if I’m broken-hearted over Knox and Elsa?”
Merrilee offered an eyebrow shrug. “I’m not going to lie—of course people talk but it really doesn’t matter, does it?” Trudie didn’t suppose that it did. “The most important person is totally unaware. Knox doesn’t seem to know.”
“Knox is an idiot,” Trudie said, giving vent to her frustration. “And the worst of it is, I still love him. I’m still in love with him.”
It was such a relief to just say it, to throw it out there. She hadn’t been able to talk about her relationship with Knox to her mother because her mother was already worried about him. Trudie didn’t need her mother worrying about her as well. And all of Trudie’s friends were beyond disgusted with him over the way he’d fallen for Elsa’s cool beauty and dumped his friendship with Trudie. She’d learned to keep her mouth shut around them when it came to her feelings for him. They’d told her repeatedly she needed to get over him and move on. They said she deserved better if he couldn’t recognize what a jewel she was. She had the feeling, however, that Merrilee would understand in a way her friends didn’t. Merrilee had lived a lot longer.
“I don’t know how to not love him. It’s not like it’s some spigot you can just turn off and on.”
“Truer words were never spoken. Love can be both a curse and a blessing, can’t it?”
“I’m not seeing much blessing here.” She shook her head. Her feelings seemed so helplessly out of her control. “I’m angry and I don’t want to be hurt like that again. He just walked away from me, from our friendship. If we take it further now and he pulls away again...I don’t know how I’ll survive.” How much could a woman take? She didn’t want to be put to the test. “And he broke up with Elsa and didn’t even call me. All this time, I blamed Elsa, even though Knox always had a choice. We all have choices, but it was easier to blame her. But he didn’t call me,” she repeated, “even when they broke up.”
