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Merrilee didn’t hesitate. “He’s embarrassed.”
Trudie considered Merrilee’s assessment for a second, pursing her lips. She wasn’t seeing it. “He doesn’t seem embarrassed. He just wants to act like the last year and a half never happened—let’s just sweep it under the rug.”
Merrilee made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort. “Of course he wants to sweep it under the rug. He was hurting—he was grieving—and he hurt you. Why would he want to talk about it? Trust me on this. And as you just said, everyone has choices. So, look at your choices and make one.”
“I’m—” Trudie faltered.
“Scared,” Merrilee finished for her.
“Yes.”
“That’s because love is scary territory. It’s not easy. It’s complicated and simple all at the same time.” The older woman gave a sage nod. “And with or without it, life steamrollers on. Regardless of which choice you make, you’re still going to wake up tomorrow. Chrismoose is still going to unfold. You’ll still have your job, unless you choose to do something different. Whether that life includes Knox in it or not, well, that seems to be your choice. Decide whether your life is better with him or without him, but...”
“There’s always a but, isn’t there?”
“Life is all about the buts, sweetie. And the but here is you can let Knox back into your life, definitely your choice, but the only thing you can control is you. You can lay ground rules but you know there’s no guarantee.”
“What if we sleep together and it’s awful?”
Merrilee laughed. “Do you really think it’s going to be awful?”
Trudie knew she was grasping at straws. Kissing Knox was unlike kissing anyone else. It had been fireworks and shooting stars and magic—both times. It had been even better than she’d imagined. How would kissing anyone else ever measure up? And if that’s what kissing was like, making love with him would probably totally ruin her for any other man. “Uh, no, I don’t really think so.”
“Honey, I don’t think so either. But if it is, then it is. What’s worse, the experience being awful or just never knowing and spinning out some what-if or if-only fantasy?” Merrilee summed it up. “You love him.”
“I do, but I’m afraid to trust him emotionally.”
“I don’t know what to tell you about that except he’s not the kind of guy who would deliberately hurt you. It would simply be ignorance on his part, not callousness.”
“I don’t know. He’s seemed pretty callous the last year and a half.”
“I think he was numb.” Trudie’s face must have reflected her skepticism. Merrilee smiled. “And no, I’m not taking up for him. Everyone grieves differently. I think Knox was so drowning in grief he didn’t know what to do.”
That especially made no sense to Trudie. “But I was his best friend. Why didn’t he talk to me?” She realized that was a huge part of the betrayal. Why hadn’t he confided in her, sought comfort and solace in her rather than pushing her away?
“I think that was precisely the problem. I think it was so raw and painful he didn’t want to talk about it or think about it, and if he was with you, he almost had to. You were part of his history with Mormor and I’m sure being around you dredged up lots of memories and emotions. He probably wasn’t ready to deal with any of it, so it was easier to simply walk away.”
Trudie listened. It was so different from what she’d thought for some time now. “But it’s almost as if Elsa had him under a spell....”
“You’ve got to keep looking for him, Trudie. Knox is still in there, you just have to keep looking.”
* * *
KNOX SQUARED his shoulders outside the spa at the end of town. The place hadn’t been here the last time he was in town. He was entering foreign territory but a man had to do what a man had to do. He opened the door and stepped inside.
“How can I help you?” A pretty blonde woman who bore a very startling resemblance to a Barbie doll sat behind the reception desk.
The place was nice. A waterfall cascaded behind the desk. The quiet, soothing notes of native flute music interspersed with the sounds of birds drifted on the air, imparting a sense of tranquility.
The name on the front of the woman’s “lab coat” read Jenna.
“Hi, Jenna. I need a gift. Actually, I need several gifts.”
“Sure. I can help you with that.” She moved from behind the counter and led him to a display case. “How personal do you want it? Something generic like hand soap or something a little more personal like bath salts?”
Hell if he knew. “Uh...”
She laughed. “Okay, let’s start here—girlfriend, sister or mother?”
And that question was supposed to make it easier? Trudie wasn’t his sister or his mother, but he didn’t know exactly what she was or wasn’t in the other regards at this point. “She’s not my mother or my sister, and I’m not sure about the girlfriend business. I guess that’s why I need the presents.”
She smiled encouragingly, understanding glinting in her eyes. Knox wavered. He’d love to talk to another woman about Trudie, but he’d agreed to keep his status with Elsa quiet. He made a split decision. He’d put Elsa and her dictates ahead of Trudie for the last time. There was no dishonor in him escorting Elsa as a platonic friend. It was certainly a more honest presentation of what they were.
“We were friends and I never really saw her as anything more than that. We drifted apart but now I want to be friends again, no...I want to be more than friends. The problem is she’s pretty unhappy about the last year and a half...”
“Ah. You must be Knox Whitaker.”
He’d known when he started yapping that he was in a small town where nothing stayed quiet long, so he was only mildly disconcerted that she’d “made” him so immediately. “Yeah, I am.”
A woman he didn’t recognize walked in. “Excuse me,” Jenna said to Knox. “I’ll be right back.” She greeted the woman with a big, genuine smile. “Lola Dane?”
“That’s me.”
“Come right on back. We’re ready for you.” Jenna led the woman down the hall but within a minute or two she returned.
“Okay. So...where were we? Gifts for a friend who used to be a friend and isn’t happy with you.” She laughed. “I take it this isn’t for Elsa.”
Elsa had had a session at the spa either today or yesterday. He wasn’t particularly keeping up with her schedule. “Uh...no.”
“Trudie Brown?”
In another place he might’ve resented the prying, but hey, this was Good Riddance, so what did it matter?
“Yeah, it’s for Trudie. We’ve always given one another little gifts each day until Christmas. It started when we were kids with that ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ song. We were apart last year. Now we’re both here but I don’t have anything for her. I need twelve gifts.”
Jenna nodded. “What’s her favorite color? Her favorite scent?”
“Her favorite color is blue. She’s a florist, so she likes flower scents, particularly roses, and her favorite color of rose is that sort of orange/yellow one.”
“Well, that makes sense, huh? Okay, give me a minute.”
Jenna began pulling things off the shelves. When she had a little pile she turned to him. “What do you think? We could wrap them individually. A candle, bath salts, relaxing flute music, a scented lotion, bath mitt, rose essential oil, and a skin-care kit. I keep some spa robes in the back, and of course, we offer gift certificates. And because we cater to women, we also carry a line of chocolates. And I have some hand-crafted jewelry.”
“That all sounds great. I’d like to see the jewelry.”
“Absolutely.”
She led him to a display case on the opposite wall. He didn’t know much about jewelry but it looked like nice stuff. There was native beading and a selection of necklaces, bracelets and earrings crafted in metals. He was more drawn to the metals.
In particular a ring caught his eye. It was a wide band with a flower bloom on top. The bloom was delicate, ready to unfurl. It made him want to watch its progression. He immediately thought of Trudie.
“I’d like to take a closer look at that,” he said, pointing to the ring.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Jenna took it out, eyeing it.
He held the ring between two fingers. It was well crafted. He’d even go so far as to say exquisite.
He handed it back to Jenna. “I’ll take it. And if you can throw in a gift certificate for the works. And wrap up one of those robes you were talking about.”
“You want to wait or you want to drop by later to pick it up? It’ll take a little bit to wrap it all individually.”
