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‘No way to answer that,’ he said slowly, trying to explain without giving her more cause to hate him. He simply had not even seen the possibility of failure until too late. ‘I do regret not having been here for so many things, Kara, but that is in the past. From here on, I plan to do right by you and our son. I want our son to grow up to be a credit to the both of us, rather than just to you. He will be trained properly, Kara.’
‘I will try to remember that,’ she said, picking up another skein of wool and not meeting his eyes.
‘Do.’ He moved closer to her, took the skein from her nerveless fingers and laid it down on the table. ‘Stop using tasks to avoid talking to me. Tell me what worries you and how I can ease those worries. I want to do my duty.’
‘I’m...’ Kara’s heart thumped so loudly, she thought Ash must hear it. Every nerve screamed. She wanted his words to be true with every fibre of her being. She wanted to believe him. For Ash, words always came easily. She needed more than simple lip service. She pressed her hands to her eyes and regained control of her body.
‘You’re what?’ His voice held a husky rasp.
‘I want you to have time to get accustomed to the changes before we discuss Rurik’s training,’ Kara mumbled, pressing her hands against the table to steady her body.
If he took her in his arms, she knew she’d melt and give in to his kiss. Too much remained unsettled between them. It was how they used to solve arguments—Ash kissing her, using her attraction to him against her. Sometimes she had even provoked arguments simply for the aftermath. A mad and dangerous thing to do. Her mother had done that with her father and she’d seen the consequences.
‘How long were you gone this time?’ he asked, not moving towards her.
‘A week.’ Kara looped a strand of hair about her ear, feeling on more solid ground. Her heart would survive if she kept her focus on practical things. ‘You would be amazed how much can change in a week. And how much can remain undone if the servants think you are not concerned. This estate nearly fell apart when Hring took to his bed.’
‘More changes in seven years. I had no right to expect the estate to be in any shape. It is a pleasant surprise.’
‘I hope you like the changes, in particular the new outbuildings for the animals.’
‘I knew that must have been your doing. You always wanted to make sure the animals were well looked after. My father was only interested in the glory and prestige that an estate could bring.’
She forced a seemingly unconcerned shrug, but her heart sang. He approved of the outbuildings. ‘When your father was alive, I used to seek his permission, but towards the end, it became easier to make decisions myself and, of course, for the last few months there has been no one to ask.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Not even Valdar?’
‘Valdar never lived here. I was the one who had to take responsibility. But he approved of the new stabling for the horses. I looked after his prized mare earlier this year when she was in foal.’
‘What Valdar thinks has no bearing on this estate or in this marriage.’ Ash’s fists banged together. ‘It was long past time to get new stables. Our son confided in me about the stables and how he hopes for a horse when he is bigger. He also wants a dog of his own, one to sleep on his bed. I gather the two elkhounds sleep at the foot of your bed. He is definitely his mother’s son with his love of animals.’
She picked at the wool, untwisting a bit and retwisting it. ‘When he is old enough, he may have a dog, but I won’t have any animal neglected. He is six and he forgets things.’
‘Maybe at Jul or possibly in the spring. He’ll be ready for full responsibility of an animal then.’
A glow filled her. He liked what she had done and he liked Rurik. He even made it sound like he would be staying. And he’d agreed without hesitation to her suggestion that they wait for Rurik to grow a bit before expecting him to look after a dog. ‘We will discuss it then and see if he is ready. I won’t have an animal suffer simply to prove a point.’
‘He will be ready.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘You should have seen the way his eyes shone.’
‘Rurik likes to talk. Your father used to say that he was related to a mockingbird. I hope he didn’t bore you.’
‘Rurik could never bother me. A real credit to you, but you protect him too much.’
‘I do not!’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘How would you know? You only met him today. You missed six years of his life.’
