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‘I learnt how to do it properly when I was in Viken. I saw the difference between a warrior who men feared and the sort that men followed willingly and for whom they would lay down their lives. A strong leader is respected, not feared. Fear leads to a knife in the back.’
Kara sighed, knowing Ash was correct. Rurik did need to be trained by someone he respected. It was why she’d been prepared to marry Valdar. She would have to trust Ash’s words and that he would be here to finish the training. She wanted him to have a reason to stay. ‘Remember Rurik is only little. He has big ideas, but his body...’
‘You may watch any of the training sessions and stop them if you think they are out of hand, but it is better he knows how to do things properly than to be tempted by a know-nothing like Virvir and get in trouble. Is that a fair compromise?’
Rather than meet his eyes, she reached out and straightened one of the tafl pieces. The stone was cool against her hand. Hring had always forbidden her from the training field. ‘You are willing to do that? Let me watch?’
‘I won’t pretend I will always get it right as I have never trained a six-year-old before, but I am willing to try.’
She bit her lip. She should have listened to Ash before and trusted him about the graveyard. And his men certainly appeared to be well trained with plenty of discipline. There had been none of the usual complaints from the women so far. Normally when any warrior visited, she was overrun with complaints in a short space of time. ‘I will trust you to come to me if you are unsure.’
‘There is a lot I have to learn about being a parent. You have a head start on me.’
‘You do the best you can. I make mistakes all the time.’ She looked up at the ceiling and blinked several times. ‘I nearly made a grave error tonight.’
His hand caught hers. ‘Will you help me, Kara? I want...I want to be a better father than mine was for Rurik’s sake.’
He was actually asking her for help. She struggled to remember the last time. Probably when his falcon had broken its wing. Kara swallowed hard. Her fingers tightened about his. ‘If I can, I will, but the surest guide I have found is to love him.’
He didn’t let go of her hand, but stood up. She was aware of the breadth of his shoulders and the strength in his arms. ‘I want to make a new beginning with you, Kara. I want to get to know you better.’
‘You already know me pretty well.’
‘I know the old you, not the new one. Not the one who has been single-handedly running this estate or who is prepared to argue for better terms for the timber in front of the entire Storting.’
‘Who told you that?’
‘Rurik. He is very proud of his mother. Protective, as well. I’m not to make you cry again. He looked me straight in the eye and challenged me. Our son is no coward, Kara. I doubt I could have said that to my father.’
‘I used to cry on the anniversary of your death. I’m surprised Rurik knew.’
‘I profoundly regret I ever made you cry.’
He gave a little tug and her body gently collided with his. Unlike his earlier kiss, this kiss was gently persuasive. Where the other kiss had aroused fury, this one made her want to linger. Under the gentle pressure of his mouth, her lips opened and she tasted the warm interior of his. It was infinitely better than her dreams of the previous night.
He stepped back. ‘Good night, Kara.’
‘Good night?’ She put her hand on his chest and felt the steady thump of his heart. He was as affected by the kiss as she was. So why was he preparing to leave? Why was he rejecting her? ‘I don’t understand.’
‘If I stay, it will go further, much further and would be immensely pleasurable.’ He ran his hand down her cheek. A delicious tingling filled her. She fought against the urge to lean into his hand and ask him to stay, but she knew she’d hate herself in the morning. ‘But...it isn’t what you or I want.’
‘Further?’ she whispered, her throat parched. Her body ached for his touch and the way he used to play it like a harp. She wanted to sink into sensation again and forget. It was why he was here, surely. He had decided to take the choice from her.
‘I want it to go further, but only when you are ready. I want no accusations that I pushed you into it. I want you to take all the time you need.’ He smoothed a tendril of hair from her forehead. ‘Tomorrow we’ll play tafl. With a wager between friends rather than lovers. I intend to be your lover again...when you are ready. I want our marriage to be a true marriage, not something just for show.’ He reached out and retrieved the bowl of salve. ‘Thank you for this. I will use it.’
