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I don’t know if I should hold back or give in. This chance may not come again, and I don’t want to regret holding back. At the same time my heart’s so brittle, so marred, that I’m afraid to open it up entirely again. I could manage fucking, I was so sure that I made a freaking contract. I didn’t think to exclude this part. I didn’t think Sean would try to make love to me and now that he has, I don’t know what to do.
Some people say be careful what you wish for. I used to think that was because wishes don’t come true. That’s not what I’m seeing in front of me now. This version of Sean’s raw and real, ready to give me everything I’ve always wanted. The question is, am I? Or will I be a frightened little girl and run away?
I told him to stop beating around the bush. Well, that has a whole other meaning that I never thought of. Damn. Maybe it’s time for me to be brave, to step out of the shadows myself. This is my chance to get what I've always wanted, even if it’s only once.
Besides, he’s already broken me so many times I don’t see how I could be worse off than before. He sees my eyes and, in that moment, I swear to God he knows what I'm thinking.
“Avery, this is for you. I dropped my walls for you and only you. And you can say no. I’m not pressuring you into this. I know you’ve been hurt by me, by life. I wouldn’t blame you.” His voice trails off at the end of the sentence, like he would be in agony if I said no.
The truth falls from my lips before I can stop it, “I’m afraid.”
“So am I.” Sean watches me from across the room as he refills the tub preparing it with oils and lighting candles that float on the surface of the water. For a moment neither of us breathe, we just stare at each other silently. He offers an uncertain smile before he turns back to the water, adjusting the temperature, picking up twigs that fell from my hair.
When he finishes, he walks over to the shower where I’m sitting. There are over six shower heads and a control panel that I have no clue how to use. He presses three or four buttons and all of a sudden there’s wonderful warm steam and a trickle of hot water from overhead.
Sean extends his hand. “You can rinse off before you bathe. There’s soap and shampoo to get the wilderness off of you. We can check your cuts when you come out. Oh, and there’s a pink bottle, on the far right, that’s for you.”
That last statement caught my attention. What on in the world could he have gotten me? I drop the fuzzy warm towel and head into the steam, inhaling deeply as I go.
Oh. My. God. It feels so good. It’s a shower that feels as though it’s raining inside. The water falls gently, pouring over my body. I look around for the pink bottle and see it right away. It’s made of crystal and has a jeweled topper. I remove the lid and bring my head to the opening of the bottle, inhaling deeply. It smells incredible. I can’t decide what it’s made from. The scents are familiar, but I can’t place them.
I pour some of it into my hand, unsure as to whether it’s perfume or soap. When I put the bottle down and start rubbing, it’s clear from the lather that it’s soap. I rub it on my arms and my stomach and my legs, removing the remains of running through the woods, and tripping over fences. My muscles go slack in the heat and I can feel sleep catching up with me.
That’s when Sean comes to fetch me. He has a white fluffy towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else. His hair is damp as if he showered somewhere else. He takes my hand, presses a button on the way out so the shower turns off, and leads me back to the waterfall next to the bathtub.
Holding onto his arm, I feel weary. “I am so tired.”
Sean runs his fingers through my damp hair and down my neck, bracing my shoulders. “I know, but this can’t wait any longer. I think it’s something we both wanted for a long time, isn’t it?”
Looking up into his eyes, all I can do is nod. Gently, he takes my hand and leads me over to the copper tub. Sean helps me in and tells me to lean back. I do as he says, and close my eyes. The sound of the water wall is perfect, combined with the candles and gentle scents—it’s perfection.
Sean asks me to lean back and lifts my hair over the side of the tub. I try to turn to see what he’s doing but he tells me to relax. “I told you,” he says. “This is something I have wanted to do for a while. If you don’t like it let me know, but I think you will.”
My nerves are jumbled because I can’t begin to fathom what he’s going to do. Is he going to pull my hair? Is he going to cut it? Just as the next thought enters my mind, I feel what he’s doing. The same scent from the pink bottle that was in the shower stall, I smell it, and I know he’s lathering it into my hair. I feel the cool liquid pool on the top of my head before Sean’s fingers work it into my scalp. He massages my temples, gently and carefully untangling my hair with his fingers as he works that wonderful smell into it.
Sean’s voice is timid, which is so unlike him. “I had this made for you a while back. I didn’t know how to give it to you. I never thought you’d come here, not with me.”
I try not to moan as he rubs my head, “I can’t place the scents. What are they?”
As Sean pours warm water over my hair, rinsing the soap, he answers, “They’re things that remind me of you, that I kind of jumbled together. The scent of the ocean and newly fallen snow. The crispness of the winter air, and the smell of a fire. I basically asked them to make it smell like bottled snowman, but for a chick.” He laughs and continues, “Peter’s cologne guy in Italy nearly died when I asked him to do it. The funny part is, he said of course he could do anything, but when I told him what I wanted him to create, he just blinked at me.”
I’m spacing out on him, almost falling asleep, but I think I heard Peter and perfume in the same sentence. I sit up in the tub and turn to look at him, “You made this for me?”
Sean nods. “It’s the things that remind me of you. The only thing I didn’t add was ether.”
I laugh at that. “Thank God. I’ve spent enough of my life smelling like a nasty car. I can’t believe you did this. How long ago did you—”
“Too long ago. I didn’t know what to do, Avery. Sorry it took me so long.”
“Me too, because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna fall asleep.”
“Oh, I assure you that you will be awake and delighted, squealing like a schoolgirl.”
A smile twists my lips and I look back at him, wondering what sparked this change and how long he’ll stay like this. I know Sean said he won’t go back again, that he won't revert, but he’s said that before. At the same time, he's never done anything like this before, ever.
I tip my head back to make some witty remark but before I do, Sean’s lips are on mine pressing a gentle kiss. I moan inwardly, thinking how much I’m going to like this.
CHAPTER 9
I follow Sean’s sexy, naked butt into the shower where he takes my face between his hands and leans in slowly. The kiss is different this time. There’s no hurried desperation, but the kisses are still hungry and passionate. As we melt into one another, Sean uses his body to push me against the wall.
The conflicting coolness of the tile and the heat from the shower peak my senses. I gasp and let out a rush of air as Sean’s lips travel down my neck and onto my shoulder. He stays there, teasing me, kissing that spot that makes me so weak. My fingers tangle in his hair, h
olding on tightly and not wanting us to stop. My fatigue washes away and is replaced with something else, something that’s warm and wanted.
It’s hard for me to stand there and not move. Sean’s warm mouth presses firmly against my skin, trailing down my neck, and onto my shoulder. His teeth graze my skin, nipping as his tongue flicks against me. His hands are on my sides. They slowly slip around to my butt and he cups my ass and holds on tight. He presses his hard length against me, teasing me, as he does so. Water is pouring over my face and drizzling down my breasts. There are so many sensations.
My stomach pools with warmth and spreads within me. Holding him is not enough, tugging his hair isn’t getting him where I want him to go. So I beg softly, “Please?”
And with a husky voice he replies, “Not yet. I want to kiss you first. I want to make you feel so incredibly sexy, and I want you to scream out my name at the top of your lungs. ‘Please’ does not suffice.” His lips immediately lower as he trails down toward my breasts.
He leans in close, slowly, putting his lips on my body. I gasp with excitement, holding onto his hair, encouraging him. His mouth traces over my curves, wrapping around my breast, slowly and painfully making his way toward my nipple. The way he does it is so erotic and so sensual that my hips start to grind against his. But Sean won’t allow it, he uses his hands to hold me still.
I moan his name and try to wriggle against him, but he just presses me tighter to the wall. Water cascades over us, making our skin slick. The friction feels different and wonderful. Moaning, I tangle one hand in his hair while the other reaches for him. Before I can touch, he grabs my hand and pins it to the wall.
“I’m surprised you didn’t have handcuffs built into the shower.” I tease him, but my voice catches when he sucks my nipple into his mouth.
