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Mom’s hand is on my back. She’s crouching next to my chair, trying to comfort me. “Honey, what is it? What’s wrong?”
I’m completely crazy on the inside. I should be happy. Why the hell am I crying? “I don’t know!”
I feel Mom smile as she holds me tight against her. She runs her hand over my hair and sings a song from when I was a little girl. When she finishes, she adds, “I know why you’re crying. You thought you lost everything, but you haven’t. Coming to terms with that fact is giving me issues too.”
Constance blurts out, “Plus you’re pregnant, and your hormones are rapidly changing. Everything is going to feel paramount, even little things. Don’t explain yourself. You don’t have to—not to us or anyone else for that matter.”
Mom kisses the top of my head and squeezes me. “I love you.”
“I love you too. I wish Daddy were here. I keep thinking that and it feels like I’m an ingrate.” I pull back and swat at my tears. “I miss him.”
Mom’s eyes are glassy. She nods for a moment, unable to speak.
Constance leans forward and asks, “Tell me about him. I want to hear everything.”
It’s not until hours have passed and Sean is up that I realize what Constance gave us. Mom and I were able to talk about Daddy together, grieve his loss, and smile at his memories. Sharing a life doesn’t stop when that person is gone. I’m my dad’s girl. Victor Campone may be my biological father, but I will always be Ray Stanz’s daughter. His strength, laughter, and grit flows through my veins. I never noticed how much I’m like him.
In this moment, who I am and who I will always be, emerges from the shadows. The demons that have been at my heels for so long, waiting for me to fall and devour my remains are dispelled. Now, in the early light of dawn, they slither away. There’s a certainty to life that was missing for so long, a piece of knowledge that whispers today will come and go, the sun will rise and set, and I will still be breathing. The shadows that once clung to me so fiercely peel away. The crushing tightness in my chest recedes, the weight vanishing so that I can finally breathe again.
I know exactly who I am and what I’m capable of—Sean was right about that. People reveal their true nature at times of duress—some fall apart when pressed, while others turn rancid. My hands are stained with the blood of friends and foes—and I can live with it. I don’t need to worry about devolving into a monster or becoming the likes of the Campones. I’m a Stanz and a Ferro through and through.
CHAPTER 20
I hadn’t planned on talking to anyone about the baby before I spoke with Sean, but the way tonight played out didn’t go that way. When Sean finishes with their meeting, Peter offers to take Mom to the Ferro home in the city.
I stare at Sean, “Your family has an apartment? Why the hell were you in a hotel?”
He lifts a brow at me with a crooked smirk. “I was trying to keep you away from them.”
“That didn’t work out.” I snort a laugh and pad over to Sean, bone weary. “Please tuck me in.”
“Of course. Where are we staying? I heard you’ve come into some money and you don’t need me anymore,” he says teasing before pressing a kiss to my forehead.
I lift my hand and press my finger to the tip of his nose. “Now you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I did not choose to marry you for your money.”
“I knew that before today.” He watches me carefully, his eyes boring into mine.
I’m close to his face, leaning into his chest. His brothers are in the hallway, talking to each other. Jon laughs loudly, and Peter’s face turns red. Peter is the shy version of Sean, while Jon is the adaptation that says everything he’s thinking. The three of them are lucky to have each other.
“So, where should we sleep? I suppose that you would rather not stay here.” Sean cocks his head to the side and glances down at me, dark lashes soft against his skin.
I frown and shake my head. “No, I never want to step foot in this place again. As soon as it’s out of probate, this house is gone.”
“Good.” He’s tender, sweet, and kisses my brow as he ignores his siblings who are waiting for him. “I also thought you’d like to be near your mother and arranged for it. We’ll head over with her in a moment. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about – I heard she’s speaking. That’s an excellent sign.”
Yeah, a baby would make anyone talk. I’m afraid Sean is going to hear the news from someone else. Admiring his beautiful face, I whisper, “I need to tell you something.”
Sean presses a kiss to my forehead. “So tell me.” He peers down at me as if he’s expecting me to blurt it out right here, right now.
“It’s kind of private.” I glance at his brothers who are still in earshot.
“Oh,” he grimaces. “You can tell me when we get to the house.”
The Ferro home in the city turns out to be a massive penthouse on Park Avenue. I don’t know why I’m shocked, but I am. It’s immaculate, decorated in a similar style to the Ferro mansion in deep colors, posh fabrics, and ornate decorations. I gape as we walk inside.
Constance will show up here at some point as well. With the Ferro mansion still in pieces, there’s nowhere else to go. Sean assures me that we can find our own place quickly. Even with my inheritance tied up, he has plenty of money to get whatever we want—even a little cape cod with a white picket fence. If I could have any home, live anywhere in the world, I’d still pick that little house in the suburbs of Manhattan.
After scrubbing off all the gore and grime, it’s nearly sunrise. The horizon grows brighter, chasing away the night. I stare out the window, lying on my side, in a warm bed waiting for Sean. My eyelids lower and then dart open a few times.
That’s all I remember until I wake up with Sean’s warm body next to mine a few hours later. He’s breathing deeply, slowly. His dark lashes are like black fronds against his smooth cheek. I close my eyes and fall back to sleep.
When I finally rouse, I stare off the edge of the bed. There’s a thin slit of orange sunlight on the hand-carved wood floor. I stare at it sleepily and wonder if it’s dusk or dawn. I don’t even know what day it is and I really don’t care. I roll over and find Sean awake with his eyes on me. His hair is tousled and dark stubble lines his jaw.
He smiles at me and gently strokes my hair. “Hello, Miss Smith. How are you this evening?”
I grin at him and stretch carefully. Every muscle aches and my head is throbbing. “I feel like I had the shit kicked out of me last night. Oh wait, I did.” I scoot closer to him and rest my head against his chest. “When did life get so weird?”
“The moment I met you.” He grins down at me before squeezing me lightly, being careful to avoid the sore spots.
“Hey!” I tip my head back to look into his face which bears a pleasant expression. His lips curve up as if he has a secret. “There’s something different about you today. Or tonight. Whatever it is.”
“Oh?” He grins broadly and then laughs, delighted. Then he leans in close and whispers, “I know your secret.”
I frown unable to conceal my disappointment. “Someone told you.” Indignant, I sit up and jut out my lip. “Who would do that?”
“My mother. Who else?” He’s laughing, completely happy.
“Sean,” I whimper softly, “I wanted to tell you.”
“I know, but I was awake for a little bit earlier, and it came up.”
I hesitate for a moment. “You’re happy about it? I didn’t know how you’d react if you were ready or not.”
“Of course I’m ready.”
I smile, relieved. “Thank God. I didn’t know what you’d do. I mean, it’s a big deal—”
“Avery, you’re spectacular. You know that right? You are completely perfect,” he preens, bursting with pride. There’s still a big playful smile on that gorgeous face.
“So you’re okay with it?” I’m still cautious, and shocked he’s so pleased. I thought he’d be anxious about a baby, about settling into a
life together.
