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“It was my choice,” he said in an uncharacteristically heavy voice.
I flopped back in my chair, unable to process it all. “Holy crap. I leave for, what—thirty-six hours?—and everything falls apart. ”
“All is entropy and chaos in your absence,” he said with that swollen half smile.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“Drop it, Drew. Even if this is some Guidon’s idea of retribution, I was not about to watch some dickhead take a leak on you. Seriously. Nonissue. ” He pointed to Yasuo’s tray. “You eating that?”
“Be my guest. ” Yas handed him an untouched triangle from his sandwich. “Whoever came up with the idea of buttering roast beef should be shot. ”
“Hey, here’s something that’ll cheer you up,” Josh said over a mouthful of food. “Did you hear? The dance is on. ”
I swung my head to face him full on—all the better for him to appreciate my signature flat, dead-eyed look. “Thanks. Like I really needed to hear that. ”
“Next week,” Emma said.
Yas added grandly, “To celebrate the end of the Dimming and a return to darkness. ”
“Oh goodie. ” So much for normalcy—lunch had been one big dose of irregularity, and I had to get out of there. I stood, cramming my rumpled napkin into my empty glass and snatching it up to clear it. “Look, guys, I can’t take any more news. I’m outta here before you tell me—I don’t know—that I’m going to have to sing karaoke at vampire prom or something. ”
Josh snorted. “Fantastic idea. Really. You’d be sensational. ”
With a roll of my eyes and a shake of my head, I walked away, not looking back as I raised my hand to wave.
Yas called at my back, “Sharpen those stiletto heels, Blondie. ”
I was nestling my empty glass in the dish cart when I felt a person standing behind me. What now?
I turned to find Ronan and instantly forgot I was supposed to be mad at him. I’d thought we’d said good-bye forever, but seeing him next to me, in the flesh, relief swamped me, enough to bend my mind with a momentarily woozy feeling. I fought the urge to fling myself at him for a giant bear hug.
But then I noticed how very deathly pale he was. “Are you okay?”
“I must speak with you,” he said somberly.
As I followed him outside, I had to break the tension and joked, “I bet you didn’t think you’d see me again. ”
But he didn’t take the bait. Instead, he told me in all earnestness, “On the contrary, Annelise. I am glad to see you’ve returned safely. ”
Wow…okay. “Thanks,” I said, and my response was followed by an awkward silence.
He led us down the path back toward the Acari dorm, his face ashen. Finally he stopped, then turned. “Amanda’s dead. ”
It was a total disconnect. “Amanda—what?”
“Your Proctor, Amanda. She was killed. Dismembered. Her body was found this morning. ”
The grisly specificity was what slammed the truth home. Dismembered. Just the word was hideous, unthinkable. The ground dropped away from my feet, and I was falling, falling, although I stood right there, my flesh gone prickly and cold.
I stared at him, waiting for some fluke to correct itself. Waiting for the jarring words to take on meaning and sense. “How did it happen?”
&nb
sp; “She tried to escape. And failed. ”
I tried to armor myself, to muster indifference. After all, I was experienced; I’d seen girls die before. Alcántara had warned me not to have friends—Amanda was merely the first of many I’d lose. And really, she’d been more a kindly Proctor to me than a true bosom buddy.
But the armor didn’t work. Years could pass, I might one day get promoted to full-blown Watcher, and I was sure even then I’d still reel from this news.
