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As for the aftermath of what they had witnessed, that was something no one could predict. Some would put it behind them and get on with their lives, while others might be permanently affected. It all depended on the type of person they were. Take her, for instance. She had spent her life distancing herself from other people so it was doubly ironic that now she had finally got in touch with her emotions, it was to have them thrown back in her face. It was a sobering thought but thankfully she didn’t have time to dwell on it as Mac came over just then and drew her aside.
‘The injured children are still on the train. The crew who found them decided it was too risky to try and move them.’
‘Sounds bad,’ Bella said quietly, her heart sinking. ‘Do you know which carriage they’re in?’
‘One of the crew’s going to take us to them.’ Mac looked at her. ‘Are you OK about this, Bella? I know how upsetting this kind of situation can be, so say if it’s too much for you.’
‘I’m fine,’ she snapped, determined that she wasn’t going to let her newly discovered emotions get the better of her. Mac didn’t love her. If she said it often enough then maybe she would believe it and not keep reading too much into everything he said.
‘Fair enough.’
He shrugged but she saw the hurt in his eyes and had to bite her tongue to stop herself saying something. He didn’t need her reassurances. He didn’t need anything at all from her. The thought stayed with her as they followed one of the fire crew along the track. They came to the first two carriages, the ones directly behind the engine, and Bella grimaced. The carriages were lying on their side, in a mangled mess halfway down the embankment, and it was hard to believe that anyone sitting in either of them had survived.
‘You’re going to need to be extremely careful,’ the fireman warned them. ‘There’s a lot of broken glass and metal in there. We’ve tried to stabilise the carriages as best we can to stop them sliding any further down the embankment but if we tell you to get out then no arguing—just do it. One of the kids is in the first carriage and the other is in the second, but you’ll need to make your way inside through here. A couple of our guys are waiting with them.’
Bella nodded, saving her breath as she set about levering herself up into the carriage. It was a long way and there were very few footholds so it wasn’t easy.
‘Here. Put your foot in my hands and I’ll give you a boost up.’
Mac made a cup with his hands and after a moment’s hesitation Bella placed her foot in it. He boosted her up until she could grab hold of the fireman’s hand. He hauled her the rest of the way, waiting until Mac joined them before he led them inside. It was strangely disorientating to walk along what was actually the side wall of the carriage, scrambling over seats and tables that had sheared away from their housings. Bella was glad when they reached the first casualty, a young girl, roughly ten years of age.
‘You stay with her and I’ll check out the other child,’ Mac told her as they paused. His eyes darkened. ‘Just mind what you’re doing, Bella. It’s only too easy to have an accident yourself in this kind of situation.’
Bella nodded, unable to speak when her throat felt as dry as a bone. She crouched down and began examining the girl, focusing all her attention on what she was doing. It would be a mistake to read anything into the way Mac had looked at her, she reminded herself sternly. Her heart began to thump because there was no way that she could stop herself. Despite what had happened, she wanted Mac to be concerned about her.
She took a deep breath but the truth had to be faced. She wanted him to feel all sorts of things when he looked at her, and especially love.
* * *
Mac did his best but the boy’s injuries were just too severe. He died a short time later and now all that was left to do was to inform his parents. They had been injured as well and had already been ferried to hospital.
His heart was heavy as he made his way back through the train. Breaking bad news to relatives was always hard and even worse when it concerned a child. He couldn’t imagine how people coped with such a tragedy; he knew he’d find it impossibly difficult. If he had a child then he would love it with every fibre of his being, and it was such a poignant thought in the circumstances. Bella was the only woman he had ever wanted to have a child with and it was never going to happen.
It was hard to hide how devastated the thought made him feel as he stopped beside her. She looked up and he had to bite back the words that were clamouring to get out. It wasn’t fair to put her under any pressure, to make her feel guilty because she loved Tim and not him. People couldn’t choose who they fell in love with, although even if he could have done he would have still chosen Bella. Right from the first moment they had met, he had known in his heart that she was the only woman for him.
